Brain Damage 13 years later - Emotional Flooding
I have this.
Holy crap I have this every day.
What Is Emotional Flooding?
https://www.brainline.org/author/jacqueline-borg/qa/what-emotional-flooding
It's not much better than 5 or more years ago. I think I've settled in to this is my life. This is as good as I'm ever going to get in the "recovery" part of my TBI. Dealing with it is all that's left. I swear I'd consider it a freakin' MILESTONE if I could just get the tinnitus to stop or at least gimme a break!
The biggest thing I got from this article is the alone part. The chaos and disorganization in my brain and dealing with it alone because I drain the people who have listened to me and they're just tired of hearing about it.
I freak out with chaos! For instance I get really bent out of shape when I'm the only one keeping the kitchen clean. So I've had to just let it go. Deal with MY issues with it and keep quiet. Clean it up myself because I'm the one who cares about it. I was told I'm exhausting. So now I try really hard to just keep my mouth shut and do it myself. Problem solved.
I'm seriously so bad at organizing my thoughts and then that affects everything else...on top of not sleeping great and feeling like I'm invisible...I'm just over here day by daying it. *Keep more notes.
I used to actually have the xrays of my brain injuries. They were in my portfolio because it was the only thing I had large enough to hold them for keeping. That was stolen out of a truck along with some tools, when I was moving into an apartment in 2010....grrr
I have a tear in my right frontal lobe and one in the back bottom left Temporal.
Problem solving - I think I could definitely do better here. I don't focus well all of the time and I'm painfully indecisive.
Emotional traits - I cry at least once a day. Sometimes it has nothing to do with me.
Reasoning and (judgement) - I've made some stupid decisions post TBI. I've been in a self imposed holding pattern for about three years. JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING...then you can't blow it.
Speaking - Are you kidding me? I speak fine...I probably speak to much. I say the wrong word every now and then but its not a stand out. I have a hard time holding back my words sometimes and am know to just say what's on my mind.
Voluntary motor activity - I'm ok here. Nothing moves unless I want it too ;-)
Understanding language - I'm definitely ok here. Although I wish I would have learned Spanish. My oldest son took it all four years in high-school. He's now an RN and uses it daily.
Behavior - I think my behavior is fine. I don't know...you tell me?
Memory - THAT'S a tough one. I remember a lot of things. It's strange to me the things that are clear and vivid memories and the ones that seem vague and hard to recall. Unfortunately in my case it feels like I have no problem remembering most the regrets I have in life. I struggle to recall happy times.
Hearing - I have hearing loss and tinnitus. IT SUCKS SO BAD! I'm a Rush fan since 1980. Moving Pictures came out and I was gone! I used to know word for word lyrics to all Rush songs. Now...I hear songs and I'll be singing along and I just get to these certain phrases and inside my head I know I know it...but it just isn't there right away anymore.
I've never been a join-a-group kind of person. But I'm starting to realize talking to others who know where I might be coming from is something I better consider. I'm currently looking for a neurophycologist in my area...that takes my insurance...and is someone I feel I could do this with.
Whatever stage I've been at through this process, one thing for sure that I didn't lose is some of my creativity.
I've been getting better and better at Illustrator. It's changed so much since I learned on Adobe Illustrator 88. The things I'm doing now I wouldn't have even tried back then with rendering time etc. Whatever is WRONG with my brain now, is what it is...I'm working with the parts that are still doing ok.
My dog Layla. I'll show you more about this drawing later today. PEACE! And Happy Wednesday.
