Two Snotty Uncles Smiling to the Beat

A Short Story
by Writer Unknown

Una Randall looked at the weathered newspaper in her hands and felt active.

She walked over to the window and reflected on her cold surroundings. She had always loved snooty Plymouth with its grim, grubby gates. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel active.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Nadine Pigeon. Nadine was a malicious teacher with red legs and fat elbows.

Una gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a cowardly, intelligent, squash drinker with pointy legs and beautiful elbows. Her friends saw her as a grim, grubby god. Once, she had even helped a slimy toddler recover from a flying accident.

But not even a cowardly person who had once helped a slimy toddler recover from a flying accident, was prepared for what Nadine had in store today.

The snow flurried like hopping badgers, making Una jumpy.

As Una stepped outside and Nadine came closer, she could see the tart smile on her face.

Nadine gazed with the affection of 753 funny magnificent mice. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want some more Facebook friends."

Una looked back, even more jumpy and still fingering the weathered newspaper. "Nadine, hands up or I'll shoot," she replied.

They looked at each other with afraid feelings, like two loopy, low lizards sleeping at a very cowardly engagement party, which had indie music playing in the background and two snotty uncles smiling to the beat.

Una studied Nadine's red legs and fat elbows. Eventually, she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," began Una in apologetic tones, "but I don't feel the same way, and I never will. I just don't love you Nadine."

Nadine looked delighted, her emotions raw like a homely, homeless hawk.

Una could actually hear Nadine's emotions shatter into 8228 pieces. Then the malicious teacher hurried away into the distance.

Not even a beaker of squash would calm Una's nerves tonight.

THE END