NEVER MEANT TO BE

In the early hours of the 4th of august 2011, my first year on campus, i met Valerie, at a concert i was not supposed to attend, I had earlier planned to spend time with my friend Anita who always gave me that extra benefit but that night she had a real date and since we were not ready to commit to each other, it was easy for me to let her go and i had to join the boys from my apartment building to a gospel concert.

We arrived very late to the convocation hall which was the concert venue and so we sat at the back where we could barely see the stage, we could only hear the sound of the music but no face to attach to it. I was less concerned about the music and more concerned about seizing the opportunity to talk to any pretty girl i find since my friend Cyril brought his newly found girlfriend and had since been giving her all the attention. I was left with the other guys from my apartment building. We had had a lot of fun as we shouted on the top of our voices, and teased weird looking girls that passed by us and did other fun stuff.

it was almost the end of the concert when i noticed Valerie sitting alone. she had tried to wave off the guys in front of her who stood on the top of their chairs so that they can see the people on the stage performing, she had not succeeded, and so i took it upon my self and went before the guys and made them understand they had deprived us all, who were behind them from seeing anything at all, and then all of them came down. I guess that worked for me because she received me gladly as i quickly joined her and started a conversation.

we talked from then on till the end of the concert, it was an easy connection between us, she was a freshman like me and we had so many things in common. I walked her back to her hostel as the conversation went deeper.

We held hands while we walked, exchanged numbers because i enjoyed the talk and i said to her i would always want to talk to you.

She sent me a text, when i got home, it read Jesus loves you and so do i. when i saw it i thought to my self i think she likes me she is just hiding under Jesus to say it.

that evening i went to visit her at her hostel, when she came down stairs she smiled at me she had dimples that were so cute as she smiled with them, she looked really pretty as i noticed the new hair style she made i was charmed and i felt like i had just found the one pretty girl to make mine. i made sure i made her shy from telling her how pretty she looked. When i left her beauty had stained my mind and i was not ready to wash it off.

and so the journey begins

I started visiting her, every other evening just because i had to see her face and put my hands in the dimple holes while she giggles. i had thought about nothing else but her through out the day and then at the end of the day i would go for the visit.

I listened to whatever she had to say whenever we were together, she was comfortable with me but she was not ready to date me, it broke my heart, but i was patient and hopeful. soon she had decided to call me her bestie and i felt like that was the way to go. we met daily in general classes too but that was never enough. Soon she started visiting my house. we were in love no one could have said less. it was clear to the blind. But soon she had found friends too in class, dudes who she wanted to teach her stuff, she was scared she will not learn if i had been the one tutoring.

Pascal the new tutor always wanted them to go to the library and so i saw her less in that period and i was left with the night time visits. Pascal was a handsome dude and it made me feel like i was about to loose her. the tutoring turned into night visits and my own visits were rescheduled. i could not compete with this guy because he was fine and he could tutor chemistry and i was a mathematics major.

one night after we had rescheduled so many night visits, it was finally time i saw her after a week. as i arrived the campus i met her at the gate and she asked to wait for her at our spot while she strolled with Pascal. i was patient still and waited for her to get back. it was painful but i was in love so i waited. that same night after i left her, she called me to tell me how much she had fallen for Pascal, immediately i felt like a knife was plunged in my heart, i told my friends and they poured hot oil on it as they mocked me.

In a few days the romance was over because the cute Pascal had so many girls around him and it made her run back to me and she begged me and i quickly understood and accepted her because i had missed her greatly.

one of the days when i went to visit her as usual in my second year, we kissed and it was mind blowing and i felt it so strong and i told my self i was in love. This was her first kiss and it made me forget my first kiss, we had many fun times together but then came the time in the second year when she decided she was ready to date me it was the most fun i had in a week. it ended in the next week though. she was scared, it was too exciting. Though we ended things, we still kissed and got intense as i touched her in the most sacred places. it was a new feeling to her and we could not get enough of each other from then on. We had left out the main thing but we did every other thing.

in the last semester of my second year she had a new course to take and it involved a seperate department. While she was taking this new class she met Jesse, her new seat mate and walk buddy i was in a different faculty so we barely could see each other during the day time, this time around she used the fact that we had not been dating and agreed to date Jesse. I guess she saw him more often than she saw me that's why it happened. she called me and told me about dating Jesse, she wanted to be okay with it since i am suppose to be her bestie. i begged her, but she had already said yes. it was the most painful thing i ever felt.

Valerie loved me at the same time she loved Jesse it was confusing for her, she wanted me to go to night classes with her so that we could read together since we could no longer see each other. It became too confusing for her, in the the first week of the third year she broke up with Jesse. I started healing from that wound but she was still friends with jesse so it was hurtful still since she treated both of us the same way, i was jealous all the time.

in my third year, she had stayed with me for a few days and we had resumed our non exclusive love once again and she had stopped talking to Jesse. She had to attend a field trip for three days with her course mates. On the trip she met Kelvin an old student who had previously failed the field trip course and had to carry it over. when she came back from the trip she talked so much about him it got me pissed. I held my self. At night while we kissed she suddenly paused and started talking about kelvin again, i could not hold my self any longer, i raised my hand to hit her but i could not and so i punched the wall like it was a punching bag and i broke my fist in anger. she was scared and angry at the same time, she cried, she wanted to get back at me for scaring her so she called him and they started talking that night, she told him how i was about to beat her up in the middle of the night.

That night was crazy, i was infuriated by the call that i collected the phone and smashed it. in the morning we still kissed and made up but she made me beg. She continually met Kelvin and they even kissed. Valerie felt she had put me through a lot and so she told me to get a girlfriend for my self, but i could not, i had never loved like this before, it felt like i was trapped and will not be able to love any one as much as i loved her. the romance with kelvin ended quickly and i was happy to have her once again to my self.

In the fourth and final year, she reunited with Jesse again, it was then i made up my mind that this was the last time i would show my emotions to any one i fell for. It ended quickly this time with Jesse, we reconciled. But yet again, she started talking about Peter, a guy she met at her graduation party, so i had to go back to the plan since there was always someone in the picture.

I loved her and i know she loved me, but we were never meant to be for each other. No matter how hard i tried to wait for her to come around.