You've built up baggage and resentment along with quite a supply of razors...the opposites and contrasts that @countrygirl points out although contributing to the artistic effect of your post, are evidence of your underlying feeling of being conflicted. It seems you've given up quite a lot on your end to indulge your husband's passion. But what about you? Does #MeToo extend to a more equitable arrangement in a relationship? I think so. Good work!
Thank you, John. And yes, there’s a lot of conflict there. But if I’m brutally honest, it stems from my childhood and my crazy mother and the theater of childhood PTSD that I’ve unwittingly put on endless loop for my entire life.
I’m working on that. Furiously. Painfully. And as I do, these epiphanies and realizations knock me down, steal my lunch money, and lock me in a closet. I’ve learned that writing my way out is often the only way to clarity.
I’ve given up more than I’m willing to openly admit. But that has largely been a self inflicted wound. And while I need to audaciously claim my deserved place under the sun as @nikv pointed out, my inability to do that thus far isn’t an adequate reason to expect my husband or anyone else to engage in suffering and sacrifice with me.
There’s way more to it, of course. And there needs to be more balanced and responsibility on both ends. We both come from unspeakably abusive families and need to move beyond that and grow the fuck up. But I digress...
PTSD takes time and effort to work through - I agree, writing and creativity can help. You're gifted, just unrecognized so far in terms of rewards, but that will come in time. Since your husband has a similar background you can both offer support to each other, but I think you're very mature in your outlook and insight - You're going to do well on here :)
I do hope you’re right. 🤞🏻Sometimes I feel like the Sisyphus of The Steem world.
Yes, I felt like that too - but slow and steady wins the race. So many who were on here and way ahead of me have dropped out or given up - they had really high expectations, but make a knife too sharp, and it quickly goes dull. Just last month, my posts without boosts were averaging around $2.00. One thing I learned is treat success and failure on here the same and keep on being true to your art. If you are talented, and you are, people will eventually come to notice you
Very encouraging. And I prefer to think of myself as a machete. A warm and cuddly machete. 🤪
I just realized you botted me! Thank you! 😊