How To Bribe Your Way Out Of Asia If You Overstay Your Visa - An Instructional! 😉

My visa had expired and I was too broke to leave the Asian country I was stuck in. I was now committing an offence and incurring a heavy daily penalty for every day that I overstayed! This is a situation that had never occurred to me before and was the result of being owed money.

Although I was distressed at the turn of events I didn't panic. I knew there would be ways to settle this situation, I just had to be smart about how I handled things and not get caught before things were settled. It took me months to finally bribe my way out of the country, mostly because of the overstay penalty. Several alternate ideas were floated by friends:

• Escape illegally by boat (estimated cost $1,500)
• Stay for a long time to make the final negotiated price cost effective
• Just stay forever 😃

In the end this is how it went down... 😉

How To Contact Corrupt Immigration Officials

Once I had gathered enough money so that I felt I could negotiate with Immigration I began to contact friends. The official overstay penalty would have been close to $5,000 but I had $2,500. I was wary of contacting Immigration without having enough cash to deal. This could raise my already illegal profile with Immigration and cause problems.

This being Asia a direct approach through the front door to Immigration would be unwise and probably more expensive. What I required was a soft contact who was sympathetic to my situation and money.

I used to DJ a lot and the party fraternity always has useful contacts. Clubs are where DJs, gangsters and business men mix. A gangster contact of a DJ friend of mine provided us with a sympathetic Immigration official and we opened negotiations.

Immigration - First Contact

The price for fixing my overstay was set at $2,400 and there would be no black mark against my name with Immigration for the future. This represented a 50% discount from the official rate so I was pleased! I was to deliver half the money to Mr Immigration the next day during lunch - cash. The following day my friend accompanied me to the Immigration offices - what a brother!

We called Mr Immigration who met us outside in his immaculate uniform, his badge and shoes gleaming. He ushered us into the records building which is usually off limits to non-officials. We breezed past 2 or 3 other quietly smoking uniformed officials and threaded our way through huge rolling cabinets crammed with files. Nothing odd and out of the ordinary going on here! 😉

Behind the files and out of sight of the CCTV I handed over my passport and the agreed money. Mr Immigration counted the cash and told me to call him in two days. I should be ready for immediate departure as I would only have a window of one or two days to exit the country once my passport was returned.

We shook hands and I looked him in the eye. I had illegally overstayed for 5 months and Mr Immigration now had my passport and $1,200 of my cash. I had nothing to show for it.

As I looked into Mr Immigration's eyes I was shocked to see a distinctive look in his eyeballs. They looked wonky!

"This guy smokes meth!" I thought to myself...

You can often see people's drug addictions on their faces.

As we left Immigration I asked my friend about my intuition. He laughed and confirmed that Mr Immigration regularly smoked meth. He also told me that Mr Immigration had previously been busted for his addiction and had spent time in prison before returning to his job in Immigration. Great so now I felt even more comfortable about giving this guy my passport and money.

Sometimes those in uniforms are the biggest gangsters!

Immigration - Second Contact

Two days later I drove back to Immigration to hand over the remainder of the money. Mr Immigration looked wired when he handed me my passport. I had two days to leave the country. The clearance had been signed by the boss of Immigration and the official reason for my 5 months of overstay was:

"Sick." 😉

I had already booked my flight for the next day. To exit the country I would need to present an official letter to Immigration at the airport. Mr Immigration refused to give me the letter instead promising me that he would bring it to the airport the following day 40 minutes before my flight. I was concerned that this was not enough time before the flight but Mr Immigration grinned and with a wink assured me we would be bypassing all the queues because he would be escorting me.

I left our meeting happy thinking I was going to be whisked through the airport by an Immigration official in a starched uniform.

Escaping The Country

The following morning I was packed and arrived early at the airport. I checked in and went to the agreed meeting point. 40 minutes before the flight I called Mr Immigration but couldn't reach him. He responded with an SMS informing me that he was stuck in traffic.

"I bet he is late because he was up all night wasted" I thought to myself.

I waited and waited. I called several times. Finally when there was 20 minutes left before the flight departed and I had given up hope of leaving that day Mr Immigration turned up. He looked dishevelled and clearly wasted. He was wearing an old shirt, old pants and flip-flops. No smart uniform! 😢

He pulled his Immigration badge from his pocket and we flew through security to the Immigration offices. An agonising ten minute wait while immigration processed my paperwork was followed by a long dash to the aircraft. I was exhausted as I rolled up to the gate as the last passenger to board. Mr Immigration had kept pace with me and I turned to palm him a large denomination note as a parting tip - you never know when you need a good Immigration contact! 😉

I galloped onto the plane and I was out of there - but welcome back any time! Done! Ciao! ✈️

So what are the lessons in this story?

1. Don't panic almost anything can be sorted out!
2. It is wise to cultivate a wide range of contacts - the DJ community is a great place to start!

Most things can be arranged if you have money and keep your cool and stay polite! 😉

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Jockey loves you All! Stay FREE! 😉

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Image sources 1, 3, 4, 5.

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