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RE: The Allies of Old; Book Two Renewal: Chapter Seventy Four "Vows to be Made and Games to be Played"

in #story7 years ago

“It’s the best we can do,” Michael sighed heavily. He felt partially responsible for what had happened since he had inadvertently brought the two males into their lives.

“Yes, Michael, it’s all your fault,” Anna insisted. He had apologized, but it would never be enough. “You should've known better.”

Fixed it for you ;)

In the grand scheme of things, I think this chapter could be trimmed down further to make more room for some action. Maybe starting with the airport would be better, no? That would give a sense that Mathias and Jenna are already on their way while the others are talking. Anyway, whichever you feel is better, just making a suggestion.

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LeJarien blurred over to Michael in a fierce rage as he relived Anna being abducted. His muscles twitched as he jerked in one pivotal moment, and his dagger like hand bladed through Michael's stomach in one forceful javelin-like strike. His grimaced in Michael's eyes, which were shocked in disbelief and wincing in pain, and the blood of his stomach poured over the wrist and forearm of Jared as he remained harpooned in Michael's innards.

"That's for Ka lira, my queen, your superior. You disgust me, you are not even worthy to be in charge of our recruitments. Now get out of my sight!"

In one swift motion, Jared removed his right arm out of Michael, blood spewing out from the now gaping wound and Jared slapped Michael's face so hard, that his limp body flew to the nearest wall, smacking it full force with a loud boom, and crumpled to the floor.

Jared grimaced and huffed. He glanced quickly at Anna trembling but silent, as he grumbled, "Don't tend to his wounds for another ten minutes. Let him suffer for what he did, for what he put us through. I want you to watch him experience pain, pain that still dwarfs to the pain and fear I felt for your well-being and safety. From now on, I will take command over recruiting and ensure the vows are precise and exact. This will never happen again."

Jared strides out in triumph as echoes of Michael coughing and spurting up blood and mucus reverberate the walls of the spacious room.

I think we can branch off an epic side version of Michael's demise bro @jedau lol

I think @dreemit would then realize Michael's true flaws and weaknesses and cast him out the story completely without second thought. bwahahahaha lol
just kidding

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