Fight, Acceptance, Changes

I haven't smile in weeks, nothing comforts me anymore. I can't help but feel like I'm slowly falling apart. I'm living in a constant state of panic. Every morning that I get up from bed I feel worse than the day before but act as if nothing is wrong. I can't handle this anymore.

I fell worthless and ugly. I fell like I'm not yet look like paper-thin or zombie, nobody will take my problems seriously, nobody listens when I try to ask a help.

I have trouble breathing and often times vomit to death with blood. I am fatigued, I am tired, I'm lethargic, my joints and muscles aches. I have headaches, I feel weak, I have no enough energy, I am beyond irritable, and I get light headed.

I want to end everything and I want it all to stop. I'm so sick and tired of always being at the hospital, having countless laboratory tests, injections and medicines here and there. I can't even afford to pay my own hospital bills. And no matter how hard I try, I can't make myself get over it. 

I feel useless, worthless and a waste of human life and I don't deserve all of the opportunities and nice things I have right now.

I am not depressed, I am not withrawn, I'm not sad, I am telling you I'm not depressed. It's my physical body that is deteriorating slowly that I don't have enough energy to do normal task anymore.
I'm feeling like death is coming over me. I know that is dramatic and I don't mean that literally. I just can't describe better the feeling of waking up in the morning that I feel worse than the last. I feel like I just can't hang on anymore.

 And I'm sorry if I wasted your time reading this.