Hookers and Hotdogs (Unexpected Adventures while in The Philippines) Totally SFW

My first time in the P.I. involved terrorism, kidnapping, a helicopter search, meeting the president, and other crazed times.

We were only there for two weeks but it seemed like forever because so much had occurred. The year was 2001, and the city in which we’d docked was at Subic Bay on a former U.S. Naval base in Olongapo. The base itself was humongous, as it seemed to stretch on forever. It wasn’t like any military base I’d ever seen as there was a casino and hotel resort, a yacht club, shopping mall, several bars, a nightclub and a thrift market at the entrance. My crew on this adventure consists of G12 (his name was too difficult to pronounce so that became his name), Gonzo, and Marty.

On the pier, which the ships were docked, there were all sorts of vendors but I didn’t pay it much mind because I just wanted to see what the area itself had to offer. The people were usually funny and at times overly welcome and I could understand why. At the time I asked someone what the average wage was and the guy I asked told me 100-200 USD per month for a really hard worker. In my mind I thought wow that’s really something to look at things from such a varying perspective. Before having left San Diego the first thing they told us is don’t ever tell anyone your rank or how much you make as you may be taken. 

The forecast for every day was incredible heat with a side of swamp ass if you didn’t pace yourself accordingly. Although it wasn’t always bad for the most part it was unforgivably hot. Most people wore shirts or tank tops, shorts and flip-flops in the day as well as night. The first day people get to town if they have a lot of dirty clothes they’ll just get their laundry done by the locals and proceed to take on the town. Prior to our arrival we’d been out to sea for at least two weeks and everyone was overly anxious. In total we’d arrived in three ships and one submarine bringing thousands to what would normally be a quiet town. 

After getting my laundry done my friends and I set out to find a bar on the base and just kick back. It may sound like nothing to some but just having a little bit of home in something so simple as a cold beer can go a long way. The first night people will typically feel out the scene and stay close within the area. By the next day a lot of people had relayed their gathered information so that others could experience the most in the least time. 

The things to do were hit the casino, local bars, boat club, and the thrift shop near the entrance to the base. Our second night out there was four of us including myself. We walked through various areas making our way into the town. During that little adventure we stood out beyond belief as the average male was really short. I’m only 5’10 and the average guy there usually no taller than 5’5. There were plenty of times during our walk I would have to duck down because of a low hanging sign. During our little bit of exploring we could feel eyes on us but we were just trying to find a place with air conditioning and a good vibe.

A guy gets my attention as we are walking incredibly slow and says he wants to by my underwear and my friend’s zippo lighter. I was hoping I heard the guy wrong but he said it again. This guy wanted to buy the underwear from my backside and I just didn’t know how to feel about that one. My friend shrugs it off about the zippo and I just stood in disbelief about my boxer shorts until we started back to our journey again.

We went to grab some pizza and saw something that said California style. We were all there from California and like idiots thought well lets try that. The pizza we’d chosen made for an awful decision. It looked to be pizza doe, and red soup with toppings on it. I barely lifted it up and toppings and sauce slid onto the floor. Needless to say we didn’t eat there but left a sizeable tip and found a Domino’s pizza shop instead. 

After eating we decided to venture out further into town. To do so we took what’s known as a Jeepney (as per photo above). They have a very similar style vehicle in Thailand known as the baht bus. The Jeepney is basically a pickup truck with an awning and two benches. There are benches on the left and right as well as an opening to pay the driver. The back is completely open as if you don’t hold on and aren’t careful you can fly out of the back. We arrive to an area someone told us to check out and it made for an awesome time. We were in a karaoke bar and had been told by the people who’d been there to try the drink known as mojo. For those that don’t know mojo is a mixed cocktail, which has been known to take you from a state of full consciousness to a state of just being wasted. We order a pitcher and find out it is incredibly cheap and for the next round we ordered our own pitchers. 

Somehow the people at the bar talked us into singing the Boys II Men song to the end of the road. We knew we sounded awful but people cheered us on to further our false sense of hope. It was getting late and we had to be back to the ship by 23.00 so we left long after the song. We get outside, it’s raining and the mojo truly begins to hit us as we aren’t drunk but things don’t seem, as they should. We are all panicking because we can’t find a Jeepney to get back and don’t have much time left. Marty spots a cab up roughly 200 yards ahead and I told the guys we needed to make a run for it. The other two guys told us to go because they refused to run and they would get back when they get back. So Marty and I left the other two guys just outside the bar so we could make it back in time. The driver says he can’t go onto the base for whatever reason and we said that’s fine but we just need to go right now. So the driver takes off and is going fast enough that I was happy knowing that we would have plenty of time left. 

Marty and I make it to the front of the base and we see a Jeepney, which could take us directly to the pier. We both take the first step onto the back so we can get in and sit down and something crazy happened. The driver took off as though he was auditioned for a role in the next Fast and Furious movie. We never made it inside the truck and were hanging on to the back for our lives at speeds exceeding 60mph (96kph). The entire time we feared getting back to the ship more than falling to our death. The guy is driving for what seemed like forever and he comes to an abrupt stop, begins to laugh and we jumped off. 

We are now in the middle of the jungle but still on the base. Luckily we found a random person who was willing to give us a ride. We had no idea where we were and the guy told us our ship was only a ten-minute walk from the front gate but the Jeepney driver had taken us roughly 20 miles (32 kilometers) out of the way. We got to the ship and found ourselves immediately confronted by one of the highest-ranking individual. The CMC (command master chief) wanted to know what happened and knew it didn’t make sense to talk about it at the moment and said we would talk in the morning. Looking in the deck log I was concerned for the other two guys and found out they made it back with time to spare. We caught up with them and they said minutes after we left they found a Jeepney that brought them to the pier.

The following day Marty and I had to explain ourselves to the higher ups and they understood we just got played. They let us go without a punishment because we were model sailors and they told us to just make sure others are more aware. I saw my boss shortly after seeing the top people and he asked me if I was in trouble or not. I told him no and he was upset. He was restricted to the ship for the next few weeks himself because he had too much fun in Singapore and didn’t want to come back to work. He told me he thought he was going to have someone to play card games with…lol. 

Our workday comes and goes and the same crew gets together to take on the town once again. This time we catch a cab to a gentlemen’s club and the guy says he can take us anywhere in the world. I told him to take us back to San Diego and says it would only take him 20 minutes to get us there. It was hilarious and then we went to the gentlemen’s club. We were there for what felt like a couple hours and then a tall very much out of place white gentleman comes in. We don’t recognize him but are trying to figure out who he is and what’s going on. He was an NCIS (navy criminal investigative services) agent working out of the area and said something happened. We were immediately taken in his SUV back to the ship and told we would get news when everyone was accounted for. 

The reason for the recall was that some of our people had been hijacked while doing a hiking expedition in Manila. It was too early to know just how things would pan out as all but one person was accounted for. The highest-ranking person in that group saw his chance and ran into the jungle. The other people were without harm and were able to get to the American Embassy without any problems. The officer that took off was missing for nearly a week and we had to send our helicopters to find him. Luckily they found him but given his position he was in a lot of trouble for running. I don’t know what happened to him as he was from one of the other ships, which were part of our cruise group. After the incident no one was allowed to leave the base for any reason. The day after the last person made it back to his ship the President of the Philippines (photo above)stopped by to offer an apology. After she leaves my crew is ready to find out what type of trouble we can get into on the base. 

So we decided to hit the casino and try our luck for something different. While there a friend tells us the blackjack table has a weak dealer. I take a seat and within three hands made over 2000USD and by the fourth hand they changed dealers causing everyone to just leave. From there the guys decide they want to hit a gentlemen’s club on base. My thoughts were sure why not as cheap drinks and pretty girls can usually make for a good time. While there still somewhat settling in Gonzo gets overly emotional. He takes out a picture of a married woman that’s on one of the other ships and begins professing his love for her. We all said that is a terrible, terrible idea and that he needed to cut it off before they both get into heaps of trouble. He leaves for a bit, the music is good, the vibe is chill, I just got a fresh pitcher of mojo and Marty tells me we have to leave. So I said why I just ordered my drink and without saying anything he walks me to a back area which I hadn’t seen. Many of you know it as the boom boom or champagne room area. There were many rooms with one-way mirrors so the people in the room could see people in the hall but not the other way around. Gonzo felt the need to take out his frustrations of loving a married woman with one of the mirrored windows. There was blood and glass everywhere.

No one says a word; we just get Gonzo and instinctively head for the door. Somehow Gonzo was out in front out of us and by the time we got outside he was at least 50 yards ahead. Thinking to myself I don’t know how but we made it now we just need to make it back to the ship. Problem is we didn’t make it anywhere. A cop car nearly hits Gonzo and myself as well as the other guys were simply escorted back into the club. From there we were taken into an interrogation room. My only thoughts were I do not want to go to jail here. Within five minutes of ignoring the people at the club and the cops an NCIS agent shows up and diffusing the entire situation. He asks for all of our ID cards but I refused to surrender my own. We were taken back to the ship and Gonzo had to get at least 10 stitches in his hand. The doctor said he was so drunk he didn’t noticed his skin being sewn back together. We were now down one in the crew as they told him he wasn’t going to be leaving the ship for a long time. 

The next workday comes and goes, as did the one before except we didn’t have to wait for the President to leave. G12, Marty and I went to a spot a lot of the crew would be hitting later for a good time as it was nearing the end of our time there. It was at this bar I found disgust by the terrible usage of the leis (as pictured above). At this bar if a girl sits with you and puts a leis around your neck they want you to pay for the service of companionship. I thought it was the silliest stuff ever. I later found out if people didn’t pay they would usually get beaten at the least. It wouldn’t have happened with the people I was with as there would have been a huge brawl. A young lady tried to leis me and I threw it on the ground.

That made for just a night of good drinking but overly aggressive hookers. Not sure of the population but there were a lot of working girls and it was nice to bump into just regular people. With the night coming to a close the guys and I head back to the ship and just before going up bought hot dogs. Or what in name and presentation form was a hotdog. We were on the ship for just a few minutes and myself as well as anyone else that had the “hotdogs” from the cart on the pier found themselves puking their brains out. The next day someone told me it was raw fish even though it appeared to be a regular hot dog.

The Philippines is definitely an amazing place and made for a great time

just beware of the hookers and hot dogs

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