The time my dad had a nervous breakdown and turned into the memory of his dad

One year my dads personality suddenly changed. He was behaving and talking strangely and our family let him do it! I think it was around Christmas 2006. There was much pressure on all of us around that time. I tried to help my mom with a mental illness and her behavior was getting progressively worse, we have been poor all my life, my dad wrecked his ability to live normally because of an old ignored debt. We lived in small 3 bedroom 4 plexes in a small town, and they were called The Chicken Coops cause of the small balconies on each unit. Yes, we knew sad lives in this town and befriended those people. We could relate to the pain and turmoil yet weren't happy just letting it happen. My dad reacted one night and it went on for about a month or so.

I've had many good chats with my dad over the years and had some intense good ones in those years too. The beginning of his trip was that one night he was moaning and making funny noises in the bedroom. It was really late and I was pretty much sleeping so kinda in a hypnagogic state still. His noise woke me up! I was in my boxers in the dark and he shouts - quickly , open the door!! I said no, I'm scared. So then he started screaming - come in here now - you've got to look at this. I saw there was movement in the bed as I opened the door. Almost some kind of wild animal was under the covers with him, with all the commotion he was giving. He said loudly - lift the sheets!! and hesitatatingly ... - quickly withdrew the covers and saw his skinny legs kicking like mad!! I said bewildered - what's going on!? My legs are burning! I'm getting a workout and he starts laughing hard! Don't be so scardey he says! It's my restless leg syndrome! he told me. He says it's good for him and his legs feel better afterwards.

Every night he did this. And he would smoke weed and get into it even more! He started barking at us. And whenever we would wince or flinch he would get even more angry. He told us not to be afraid as he's going through something, recalling something. He told us he is turning into the memory of his father, my grandpa who died when I was young... I only remember him from his funeral cause it was the first time I ever touched a dead guy. My lady life partner and my brother were there for the whole thing too! His behavior was a social experiment and he would really dig into us and test our reactions. He was turning primal. And so did we for that time. The vibe brought out all our high tensions to the table.

He would have his body go into spasm for much of the time and tell us how this culture disgusts him because people are out of touch with their own bodies and physicality. That's when he got into trying to spread his toes apart on both feet and he was eventually able to do it! He had a sore shoulder in his life of construction and said he want's to be able to push to hand stand upside down, like when he was young. Around this time he accomplished that as well and without the sore shoulder! Amazing. All the while my brother, partner and I were scared bonkers! But we knew it was alright , we all love my dad and figured it was alright for him to go on his personal trip experience. He was freaking out allot but never hurt us or put us down. He was trying to shake the sillies out of us. He would yell and scream at us right in our face! You got in your mind the reminder of fear of the paternal man voice barking orders. You remembered what it was like to be yelled at. Yet if you listened to what he was saying he never put us down ever! He wanted us to have a breakthrough to not be afraid of the tones but instead pay more attention to what is said.

He said what he was trying to convey was a joke! He was in our face, crude, loud, woke us up almost every night for a week and a half. He told us some stories of what made him sad about his dad. He said he was turning into him and I thought wow grandpa sure seems like he was a crazy guy! He was trying to get him to laugh from the grave! So he would tell stories over again with different twists each time and be in our face and say - get it! GOT IT!?!?!? Goooood!!!!!! Wow the primal drive to know that you have been understood! He talked about communication without the possibility of misunderstanding or missed-understanding. All the birds with one stone. No wasted moves.

So yea, with all of this going on we were being affected ourselves. One time when my dad was really in my brothers face and he was whining and crying and I was wimpering, my partner was in the room and she jumped in front of us and yelled at him and spread her arms out in a gesture of protection! One of those sociological insights into instincts and family ties. Another night my dad was in my face trying to tell me something I couldn't quite understand. He would put you on the spot and acting strange so you would feel super uncomfortable making it hard to concentrate. Still some interesting behaviors and modes come out of high tension emotional situations. My brother in the other room was listening and he says - I get it!! And so my bro got something dad said that I didn't even get.

We all started getting this sorrowful way of talking around the house for awhile. There was a keening/howling tone to our voices. We were almost singing to each other, trying to understand and hear each others pain. We were all soul searching. I had some pretty spectacular freak outs around that time myself. It was good to share it with each other there at that time cause one wouldn't be able to express those same things to that intensity out in the open. Our vulnerabilities and inner strengths opened up. I got through the fear. I remember I broke through and got through the tension. I got the joke! He said its a joke you CAN take seriously! Whew, realised he was saying normal stuff the whole time but seemed like gibberish. My mom spoke with gibberish too and so it was a way for my dad to feel he hadn't abandoned my mom either. He was able to go to the same sort of place, and we gave him the safe space to do it.

I'm glad my dad went through that trip cause it was a way to balance the family in a sense. Since my mom has schizophrenia , it was like my dad went crazy too so it's all right. He still spreads his toes. Calls them monkey feet. What I got from the trip was the idea of not the primal scream but primal laughter! And it wasn't any of that pretending to laugh stuff! It was like hearing a joke so brutal you never want to hear it again! Yet I'm super glad I could tell this story! There was another time my dad was being expressive about a year or so later, that's another story I could tell down the line.