I'm much the same, being the bear, and getting so frustrated/angry/upset I end up crying. I don't try to hide how I feel, but do seek to be calmer more consistently. My son also knows how to push buttons, but I've gotten better about reacting to that.

My sister tells me I've been very independent and strong minded since childhood. I was going to do what I was going to do. She admired that but could not emulate it as she was the peacemaker and still is. She speaks often of this so I can see how you also feel constrained.

I was always different, and came to, if not revel, at least feel a bit of pride in who I was. I early on learned trying to be what others wanted wasn't somebody I wanted to be.

Hope you can balance your bear and fox and come to peace with who you are and express her.