History and Regrets

“I'm still having trouble even saying the word 'divorce.' I had always planned on only being married once. And now I’m not. I’m getting older now, and I always wanted to be a Mom-- but I’m not. And that’s really hard. The house feels so empty. It still looks like two people live in it. I’m clocking my progress by the moments I’m not crying. And as long as I don’t think about any of these things-- I’m fine. My career is going great. I can choose to not think about it. But I’ve got to. I’ve got to ask myself: ‘What happens if he never apologizes?’ , ‘Will I be fine if he never make amends?’ I’d rather not think about this stuff because it hurts. But I know it’s the only way to move on. I can either think through it now, or I can carry it with me forever.”