Prisoner of my own mouth - Stammering /Stuttering

Have you ever wanted to say something and you can not? Have you felt incapable of just articulating a single syllable? Or be embarrassed even before talking? it has happened to me and I'll tell you my story.

First let me give you a definition about what stuttering is:

"Stuttering, also known as stammering, is a speech disorder in which the flow of speech is disrupted by involuntary repetitions and prolongations of sounds, syllables, words or phrases as well as involuntary silent pauses or blocks in which the person who stutters is unable to produce sounds"

Already knowing the subject, I'll start.

Everthing started when I was about 3-4 years old, until that moment in my life I wasn't aware of my condition, until one day like everyone I was at my aunt's house all gathered, and suddenly I heard the sound of the ice cream seller bell that spent every afternoon in the place, I wanted an ice cream and my mom invited me to call the ice cream seller for her to make the purchase, in between my words as a child call him, the gentleman kindly heard me and I proceeded to enter the house to tell that the ice cream seller was waiting outside, at that moment my life changed; I remember exactly that as each word emerged from my mouth, my aunts laughed,but, they were not malicious laughter, but at that moment I did not understand it.

As a result, my mother began to take me to language therapy, constantly two or three times a week, every month, without fail; I still remember clearly each of the exercises I had to do, these included, pencils and many but many repetitions.

Even in this period, the possibility of an operation arose, specifically a frenectomy, but when performing the phoniatric exams it was concluded that my frenulum was not short enough to be able to perform it.

At the age of 7 years I was officially discharged, my pedagogues were quite satisfied with the result obtained so far, adding to this I was about to start or starting 1st grade of elementary school, during the primary sincerely I didn't give much importance to stuttering, rather, the children didn't give importance, everything was simple, they only cared to play and have a good time.

As I grew older I became more aware of my speech disorder, I realized how my mind and my mouth weren't in sync, I felt that my mind was so much faster than my mouth, being conscious of it, I began to hide my stuttering to a certain degree; in fact until today I keep doing it, many people do not realize it. This I got by substituting words, using synonyms, but this is only momentary.

Only those who suffer from this disorder know how frustrating and frustrating it is to be talking and that suddenly a blockage appears, a lump in the throat impossible to untie, or even worse the fear of opening your mouth and no word comes out is something that you get a lot afflicted and affect your personality, as well as problems of insecurity, shyness and low self-esteem, and the way the world perceives you, as I said earlier in my personal case I hide it, but I still feel and suffer in the flesh own all the social factors and situations that make us enter into a state of anxiety because we know that it will cause it; Activities as simple as talking to a stranger, on the phone or in public are really stressful and overwhelming.

In my case I have serious problems with the phonemes that begin with "n", words like "nature", "national" "nation" really cause me extreme anxiety when it comes to saying them because I can see the blockade is coming and when I see it I prefer to remain silent ...