'Abandoned' - Steemit Story Chain #9 Where You Write the Story and 100 Whaleshares for the Winner

in #story7 years ago

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Welcome to Steemit Story Chain #9

Good evening to all you good folk out there in Steemit land. It is time for another Steemit Story Chain contest where I invite you creative people to come and show off your creative skills by developing my story in your own unique way. The contest is sponsored by the incredible Whaleshares project and if you're entry is the winning one you will earn yourself a nice 100 Whaleshares.

I would like to say an amazing thank you to everyone who took part in the last story chain. We had some extremely well written parts this time and judging the winning part was no easy task. I would like to thank @tinajordan, @redsfallin, @yardley-elbert, @thatindianlady, @sostrin, @chron and @littlejibblet for their fantastic efforts.

As I previously mentioned the quality of writing in last week's competition was of a very high standard indeed. After a long determination session with my co-judge @nikflossus, in which we whittled the top three entries down to @redsfallin, @tinajordan and @thatindianlady, we eventually agreed that this week there will be two winners who share the 100 Whaleshares. It was just impossible to decide on one winner alone.

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@thatindianlady and @tinajordan

It has to be said @thatindianlady's contribution was very original and disturbing in one part, a great use of imagination and creativity also flourished in your writing and you attempted to give the characters more depth. In relation to @tinajordan's part @nikflossus notes that your writing is clearly competent and you continue to impress. I thought that your story development was very interesting and the introduction of Lady Crutchfield took the plot to new heights. Me and @nikflossus also wish to stress that the part written by @redsfallin was very imaginative and you took @tinajordan's theme and made it very vivid, a great addition to the story chain.

The winners have won 50 Whaleshares each. Please reply with your Bitshares account information and I will send the Whaleshares to your account immediately. Enjoy! If you don't have an account don't worry it's very simple and completely free to set one up here - https://bitshares.openledger.info/?r=akrid-1.

A reminder of the winning entries can be found here - https://steemit.com/story/@freedomexists/happy-halloween-steemit-story-chain-8-where-you-write-the-story-and-100-whaleshares-for-the-winner.


Now on to this week's new story chain - Abandoned. As normal if you would like to take part in the contest please ensure you upvote and resteem this post. Below I have written the first part of the story, then it's all up to you guys to use the comment box and develop the story in whatever way you want to. Try and be as creative and original as you can, and have fun with it. We're only looking for a short paragraph or two at the most. Please don't forget to number your part of the story.

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This contest is sponsored by Whaleshares and I owe a big thank you to @akrid. There is 100 Whaleshares for the winning entry. If you would like to learn more about Whaleshares and how they can significantly increase your post rewards please visit https://steemit.com/whaleshares/@eirik/guide-on-how-to-use-whaleshares-updated-version where @eirik will gladly explain more to you.

The incredibly talented writer @nikflossus will be helping me to decide which one of your entries deserves the winning prize. We are looking for:

  • A strong sense of imagination
  • Creative intelligence
  • Originality
  • Narrative fluidity (ensuring the story chain links smoothly)
  • Use of language, grammar and syntax (we need to understand what you're saying!)

The winner will be announced in a week's time. A new post will be published then announcing the winner along with a new story chain.

So without any further hesitation here is part one of Abandoned.

I don't know what made me change my mind about walking home that evening, but I was just not in the mood to immerse myself with all those other intensely annoying passengers on the bus. I couldn't deal with them. I needed some fresh air anyway and this was the perfect opportunity to grab some, after what had been an almighty shit day at work. The walk did me some good. I soon noticed how my mood changed to a more relaxed state as I absorbed the beauty of being outside on a mild Autumn evening. I turned the corner and everything changed. An old car had come to an abrupt stop in the road. The doors were wide open. There appeared to be no one in it, yet the engine continued to run. What had happened? Where was the driver? As I got closer I could see the trunk was open. Someone was in it. A young but very disorientated woman looked up, she could barely talk but she managed to say, 'Hurry, they'll be back soon'.

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1
I rushed over to her and began to untie the ropes.
'Please hurry,' she begged
'Who did this?'
'I don't know. Please hurry.'
I quickly freed her, hoisted her out of the trunk and made to lead her away from the car. She pulled back.
'No, take the car.'
'Forget the car,' I said urgently.
'No, they'll follow us. Take these.' She pulled some keys from her back pocket and handed them to me. 'You drive'. I hesitated for a moment then ran to the drivers seat. We both got in, slammed the doors and, after gunning the engine a few times, I sped off. For about five minutes I drove like a maniac, screeching round corners, checking the rear mirror and doubling back on myself with a number of hair raising U turns. Eventually we left the town. I slowed as we began to drive through a forest. There was no one on the road behind. Slowly I felt my pulse and breathing return to normal. I turned to her.
'What happened back there?'
'A kidnapping.' She seemed suddenly very calm as she spoke.
'Who was trying to kidnap you?'
'No one.' She smiled broadly as she said it. Too broadly. The hairs on my neck prickled very slightly.
'What are you talking about? You said 'kidnapping'. What kidnapping?' With almost leisurely ease she leaned forward, reached under her seat, and sat up, holding a small grey pistol which she pointed lazily at my head.
'This kidnapping....'

2
Without even thinking, and mostly out of instinct, I slammed on the breaks. Neither of us were wearing seat belts and both of us lurched forward as the car came to a screeching halt.

My mind was reeling in a thousand directions.

What just happened? Who is this? Is this somebody I pissed off somehow? What do they even want? - and really - could my day get any worse?

Suddenly, I'm snapped out my stupor by the realization that the woman, who I now noticed was dressed rather elegantly, had dropped the gun and was fumbling around for it on the floor.

Right at that moment, there were headlights in the rear view mirror. The car I had been driving was stopped in the middle of the road and I could tell that the driver behind us was slowing down and stopping instead of just going around us. Perhaps it was the police, or a good sameritan - or maybe it was her partner. I had no time to think.. I was running on pure adrenaline and every nerve in my body was telling me to get out of this car and get away from this woman.

I grabbed the door handle, pushed the door open and started to make a run for it. I was trying to run as fast as I could. My heart was racing but everything seemed to be happening in slow motion - I couldn't get away fast enough. Suddenly I thought I felt a bee or something buzzing right past my ear and then a rock plunged into my thigh. It was only at that moment, that I heard the gunshots.

5

Either my eyes are deceiving me, or Mr. Atwell from the dry cleaning shop on 5th is coming through the door and straight towards me. The deranged girl continues to babble and bark, but his attention seems to be solely focused on me at the moment.

"What am I doing here? What is this all about?"

"Pipe down, you little prick, and I might let you die quickly."

I fade in and out of consciousness, knowing that I have no means to fight him. The metallic stench of blood assaults my senses as he deliberately gouges inside my abdomen for the fatal blow.

"Son, are you ok? "

"Jon, can you hear us? Snap out of it. You're safe, and we need to know what you saw."

My mouth is dry, and I reach out for the cup of water that Detective Muller is extending. The room is whirling along with my thoughts. Blessed, or perhaps cursed, with the gift of heightened remote viewing partnered with traits of a die hard empath, I had just relived the last moments of the serial killer's latest victim. The scene wouldn't stop replaying in my mind. My leg and chest even hurt, shadowing the victim's pain.

"Son, did you see his face? Can you tell us who we're looking for?"

"Nn-no... I'm sorry. ", I lie before breaking into tears.

3
There was a stinging pain in my thighs.I touched my thighs and felt it wet and warm.When I looked at my hands it was covered in blood.My knees started to shiver and the pain sharpened with every step I took forward.I felt dizzying,my vision blurred and I couldn't catch my breath. I felt like I was going to throw up.I tried harder but my legs gave up and fell down flat on the road.I felt the cold tar against my cheeks and smelled dust.I could hear footsteps coming nearer and nearer.I tried to lift my face and look back but it just went pitch black.

When I opened my eyes I couldn't see anything clearly.I wished all this was just a dream and blinked my eyes.Slowly the vision became clear.My heart was pounding.I couldn't move.My hands and legs were duct taped to a metal chair.My thighs pained like hell.It was some kind of a laboratory with many specimen jars.And my vision was not clear enough to see what was in it.It smelled of some strong chemical.It made me wince and turn my head sideways.

It was only then I realised I was not the only captive.God,what the hell is this?Just a few feet away from me was the lady who I thought was kidnapping me strapped to another chair,unconscious.

wow! great writing .. really good build up and a hell of a twist!

Thank you soo much @jorlauski 😊

6
I'm not fully sure why I lied. Mr. Atwell always greeted me with a smile when I picked up my dry cleaning. He was there when I got married. He gave me a great deal on the dry cleaning for my tux, and the brides maid dresses. He let me pay him in installments when I didn't have enough after the wedding went over budget. He didn't even charge me any extra. He was there with a smile every time I needed a suit cleaned for an out of town meeting. That was back when I worked for the law firm. He was also there after I came back to town, when I brought my suit back stinking of cigarettes, cigars, and often stained with various types of alcohol from entertaining the clients.
I remember once a young mother came in while I was waiting. She seemed in a hurry. She had a purple blouse over her arm, stained with what looked like red wine. She quickly placed it on the counter, telling him that she needed him to get the stain out. Her daughter was trying to get her attention while she fumbled in her purse. He got a lollipop from behind the counter and gave it to her. His smile seemed to beam an honest caring.
I had to confront him. I had to find out if that smile was just a lie he got so used to telling. I had to find out what I was missing. Even if it killed me.

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This post has received a 0.22 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @banjo.

Bts : indianlady99

Thanks @freedomexists ❤❤ and congratulations @tinajordan 😘😘

How often do you do this stuff? I may want to participate sometime. Sounds interesting and fun. I like practicing creativity. Neat idea.

your up! let's see what you got for us ;)

what happened? did I kill the story? No one wants to add to it - I'm very curios to see where the story goes... let's go people!

Don't worry.Now its on me to worry😉

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