A Steemit Original - A Lifetime of Seeking Happiness - Chapter 3 - Part 8
Memoir of a runaway girl - A true story!
Next thing I knew, I had the entire family mad at me. I did not really care one way or another. I was just happy to be done with his mother and soon to be done with her son.
I started going to the BBS GT’s (a BBS get together) and parties, against my husband’s wishes. It started as something small and I would take the wrath from Remo about it.
Eventually, I found myself lying to Remo on a regular basis. A true sign of wanting more then I had. I was having real fun, meeting so many new people. When strangers came on to me, my face would light up just from the attention I was lacking in my own marriage.
My mom came up for a week long visit to see the kids. I was so hooked on my new toy that I was practically ignoring the fact that she was there. I would get up and log in, go to work, come home, log in again. It was becoming an addiction for me, and my mother questioned me about it. She said I was going to lose my husband if I was not careful. She thought I was being neglectful of the very things that should matter the most to me. However, I could not grasp what she was saying and she woud never understand it because she was not fully aware of my living situation. This was my fantasy world, one that I felt was attainable, one that would take courage and a leap of faith to pursue.
Mom finally headed back home and, I knew she spoke to the rest of the family about my new computer life. However, I did not care, I took care of my children and went to work so what harm was this causing? Besides, Remo worked long hours, and did his own thing with his friends. I felt very justified in having found something that put a smile back on my face and made me feel wanted.
I had confronted Remo one day when he had come back from the cottage with his friends. I knew he was having affairs but there was no way of proving it. Naturally, he denied his infidelity but I had told him that I was tired of being the last one on his list. I wanted a divorce.
A couple more months passed. I continued to play on the BBS’ and talking to others about my problems. I had no one else I could confide in while I figured out how, and when, I would move out with my children.
One morning I got up early to go online before work. This is where I met him, who knew three little words would start a whirlwind romance online.
Those three words were, “Repoman, don’t go”. Repoman was his user name, and he stayed to talk to me. We talked every chance we got online. I was going to bed late each night.
At this point, I was very clear with my husband already, that I wanted a divorce. I had found a life I didn't know existed out there, and I felt that I had married him for all the wrong reasons. He needed to let me go. Nevertheless, of course, he hung on and hard.
I finally got to meet Tony. I went to pick him up at his home for the first time. He opened the side door to the house and put his finger up to let me know he would be just a minute. He was tall, brown thick wavy hair and a mustache. He wore faded tight jeans, runners and a striped button up shirt. He was more gorgeous then I could have imagined.
He came out of the house and was walking towards the car when all I could think was “wow, this can not be for real”. Soon we were driving and talking, I knew he was much younger than I was but it did not seem to bother either of us. We ended up at his mom’s house and we sat and watched TV for a bit and just talked. He was so gentle and sweet, I could hardly believe he was with me. I was older, married with kids and he seemed to really like me.
During the next couple weeks we spent as much time as we could with each other. Things were progressing very fast and I was falling head over heels for him.
It was January 1991 and being as he was not willing to let go and move out, I was seeing Tony every chance I got. It was getting serious quite fast, but I had to make sure it was not a rebound thing, that it was real and not just an infatuation. I actually ended up spending a night at his place. I had lost track of time. I immediately ran for my shoes, but they were gone.
A frantic search found that the little girl upstairs liked my boots and was wearing them. I rushed home, as I knew Remo was with the kids and he had to go to work. As I walked in the door, he was in the bathroom shaving. Suddenly a razor whizzed by my head and I was being called every name under the sun.
I explained that when I told him I did not want this marriage anymore, I was not kidding. It had been more than a year that had passed since that conversation. I had asked him repeatedly to move out and he refused, so I was going to do what I wanted regardless of how it may have made him feel. If he chose to stay and watch, this was his problem, not mine. He finally left for work and I got my oldest ready for school and fed them breakfast, then dropped Mathew off at the sitters.
Eventually Remo moved out and back into his parent’s home only after my mom had a stern chat with him on the phone. I had no idea what she had said to him but I was happy with the end result. Soon after Tony moved in with me. However, this did not stop Remo. He was still trying to get me back every time he came to get the children. You know it is over when you start cringing at his touch. Trying to tell him without hurting his feelings was very difficult. He had to be told that there was no chance of us fixing our marriage.
Yes, I may sound like an uncaring, heartless woman, but in all reality, why would I stay with someone who I came to dislike this much over time? There are people who stay together because of the children, but the truth is, the children can end up being hurt much more by doing this. You know the saying: Rip a bandage off fast, it hurts less that way.
Time had been going by so quickly, there I was, twenty-eight years old, going through a divorce. Tony was eight years younger than I was, and I wasn’t sure of anything. I was also laid off from work. It was more of a voluntary lay off. Another co-worker, a woman who was older with more children than I had, was due to be laid off first. She was struggling to keep her home. I just could not watch that happen to her. I stood up for her, trying to redeem myself in some way I guess, and asked them to lay me off instead. This was all in vain since she ended up getting laid off only a couple months later anyway. I was now jobless and so was she. I had noticed that, through my twenty-eight years, I always worried about other people. I would give the shirt off my back to a shirtless person. However, found there were very few in my own life that would have done that for me.
Tony and I had stayed in the apartment for a little while. I had everything that I had accumulated in my marriage. I never asked for any of the household furnishings, etc. I was very clear to Remo that all I wanted in my life were my children. If I did not have them, I had nothing and nothing else mattered to me. Remo did not want me to have to start over knowing I had to support the kids without his help. Living in the apartment was painful, not only for myself, but for Tony as well. It reminded us both of my life with Remo. We ventured out and found a townhouse across the parking lot, facing the apartment balcony.
Remo moved back into the apartment and we moved into the new place. The situation was great for the kids. They were able to keep their same friends, and Michael could continue going to the same school. It was eventually brought to my attention that my ex husband had acquired a pair of binoculars and was spying on us. When I heard this, my blood just boiled. I was angry, and I did something tasteless. I brought a blanket outside at dusk and made love to Tony, knowing that my ex was watching us. I figured if he was that nosy to constantly spy on us, I would give him an eyeful.
In hindsight, it definitely was not one of my shining moments, guilt came over me for doing this, and I started questioning my morals. He was my childrens father, how could I go out of my way to hurt him like this? It was already done. I could not take it back no matter how it made anybody feel. Tony, also felt very used, after I had coaxed him into doing it.
Thank you for your comtinued support. I may not be able to post over the weekend but will try.
For those who missed the beginning, you can read it here:
https://steemit.com/writing/@feline1991/a-steemit-original-a-lifetime-of-seeking-happiness-part-1