Mindset beating the battle

Meet Faith from 2009
She was a mother of a handsome 7 yr old boy and a beautiful 3 yr old girl and a wife of a Veteran soon to be Police officer.
I was wearing the largest size pants I had ever worn, and was wearing the tightest spanks I could find. I was in denial. I was eating my feelings quicker than I could deal with them. Getting out of the Army was WAY more difficult than we could have ever thought it would be, and the reality of me having to work was slowly settling in. I was terrified for Wes to be a police officer, but knew this was what he wanted. I was SO unhappy with myself, and so disappointed in everything I had any hand in. I eventually got so tired of feeling terrible...that I decided to "take the easy route". I started the HCG diet. I lost 40 lbs and had NO MUSCLE! I had no energy and felt "fantastic".
Let's move to a year later, my gall bladder starting giving me issues, and I had floppy loose skin. I was so sad, but wait...I had LOST THE WEIGHT that made me so unhappy to begin with......right?
During that year, my bank offered a personal trainer that they would reimburse if I committed to 3 days a week...now this guy was impossible to only spend 3 days with!! He was/and still IS a n amazing inspiration! He is where my love for fitness started..however I weight 162 lbs @ 5 ft two, I was "obese", this person standing tall was "obese"...I again...was sad. I was THE strongest I had ever been and I still was sad.
Next, my crossfit days...you guys. I LOVE weight lifting! I was STRONG!! I enjoyed the sport, but pushed too hard too fast and kept getting hurt. So I had to back off. Still unhappy.
My next attempt was another group fitness company, which by the way was AMAZING! I had a "job" there to check people in and was pushed to be there every single day! I jumped into a challenge and lost about 20 lbs, lost tons of inches and lots of body fat.....I was STILL unhappy...
Are we seeing a theme here people?
Let's move to today. I have no weight goal, I have no care of "BMI", I have no plans of doing this for anyone but myself. I don't care what anyone else thinks of my journey, I don't care what anyone has to say. I AM FINALLY getting my MINDSET right! I may not be where I want to be RIGHT this second, I know it will take time. As my wise husband always has told me all my years of discontent. "It didn't take a week to put on the weight, it will take time for it to come off". You may think that is a rude condescending comment, it isn't. It was his way of telling me to get over myself and put in the work that needed to be done. I never did. I made excuse after excuse, felt worse and worse about myself. But didn't do what I needed to to turn it around. You cannot get strong without a strong mind. You cannot get strong without fueling your body with good things, and you cannot get strong if you give up on yourself over and over again. I can promise you that.
My point in this long post (thank you for hanging on) is this. I have lived a pattern of constant "trying" to lose weight. I have never succeeded, and I have let that "failure" define me and push me to not "try" again. I never did try. I never pushed myself to my ability and gave up on myself too many times to count.
If this sounds familiar, and you are TIRED of this cycle. Love yourself enough to trust your instincts. You know what you need to do. Now is YOUR time. Join me in this awesome self realization journey! It is so exciting to have a head on my shoulders that actually BELIEVES in ME!!