Verbal Rebellion, Free Wee Fee, and Corporate Size Reinvention
Most of us writers are born people watchers and I'm no exception. We find fascination in the most unlikely of places, the way I see it the whole world is a library...each person a book. There’s treasure to be found in even the most mundane of human interactions. I write fiction but am utterly fascinated by reality, whether it’s a conversation overheard, a story told to us, or some slight idiosyncrasy that we might lucky enough to observe first-hand.
One my my best friends and I met to make plans for a guy’s weekend in Chicago. Keep in mind he grew up in the late 60's, before technology completely dominated every aspect of our lives. We were reading the description of one of the hotels that we were considering and he said, “Great, they have free wee fee!" I was confused and it took me a few moments to realize that he meant wi-fi. This made me smile, not in a condescending kind of way but from a place of sheer nostalgia, the details of which I’ll explain in the following paragraphs.
Once we get to a certain age I think most of us get to a point where we grow tired of trite pleasantries and generally stop caring so much about what people think of us. I’ve noticed many older folks (I believe consciously) start calling things by slightly different names as a kind of protest to conformity. In a world that tries its best to try to mold us all into unthinking meat puppets that buy stuff, verbally rebellion is an easy way to maintain our special uniqueness.
My father was way ahead of the curve on this, a true pioneer. My father has been verbally rebelling for as long I can remember. When I was a kid, I had a friend named Sean and my dad always referred to him as, "John" which you could tell dumbfounded Sean but for some reason he never said anything about it.
His knack for rebelling goes far deeper and is more complex. In a way he has his own special language. To my dad socks are "stockins", immaculate is "immaculace", prostrate is pronounced "pole-straight" (which must baffle his doctors at exam time), Ibuproben is, “icy probe’n”, and fish has always been "feeesh". But you know what? That's okay and to tell you the truth I wouldn't want it any other way, it's part of what makes him dad to me and I relish this uniqueness.
Already, I’m following in his footsteps. Grande, Venti, Trenta, Tall...pffftttt! When ordering at Starbucks I refuse to buckle under to their corporate size reinvention. In today's society we have far too many things to remember already. Why the hell would we want to have to relearn something as simple as small, medium, and large?
I have no idea how large became Venti and I want no part of it. When I order a cappuccino at Starbucks, I call it exactly what it is and say "small" not "tall". Without fail, the cashier tilts their head and flashes an inquisitive look, appearing for a moment that their whole belief system has somehow been threatened while calling out to the barista, "TALL skim cappuccino".
I’m now forty-five years old and it's time to step up my game. Starbucks presents far too many irritations for me these days so I’ve decided to only visit one-off, local coffee shops. The next time I need my caffeine fix I'm going to march right up to the counter with head held high, compliment the proprietor on the immaculaceness of their establishment, and ask them what the password is for the free wee fee. Immediately afterwards I'll need to take an icy probe’n for a headache that will, inevitably, be brought on by a world that just seems to get more discombobulated by the day.
(Gifs sourced from Giphy.com)
Eric Vance Walton is an acclaimed American poet, novelist, blogger, and curmudgeon in training. Eric won a 2005 Thurber Treat Prize for his fable The Heiress and the Pea. Eric’s poetry, essays, and short stories have been published widely in literary journals, magazines, and he has authored eight books.
Please visit my website to sign up for my author newsletter. My newsletter subscribers will receive exclusive updates on the release of the sequel and other special offers.
Can confirm, have never used 'tall, grande, venti' EVER. And when they try to correct me or confirm with sbux language, I say "yes, a medium please".
I'm giving you a virtual high-five right now, @prufarchy!
Funny! Even as a member of a younger generation, I can see value in this verbal rebellion :) It is funny to watch people's faces when you throw them a strange expression, or talk about things you are not supposed to say.
Thanks, @lonilush! People's reactions are the funniest part of the equation. Sometimes my Mom has to be the interpreter between my father and other people.
haha, fun stuff.
When I order at a coffee shop (rare, because I make better lattes :) ) I generally just ask for a "big latte". They can interpret that if they feel it's necessary. I generally find independent shops though, cuz Star$$$ isn't really that good.
Our family has a silly way of messing up words on my mom's side too. Wrong words are substituted and sometimes just made up. This is complemented by a heavy dose of affectionate sarcasm. Poor wifey took years to figure it out.
If I recall correctly, in Chile wee-fee is correcto.
I think I'd like your dad. :)
Thanks, @anotherjoe. Your family sounds like they'd be fun to hang out with. These comments are renewing my hope that humor will survive. : )
Haha, I don't know if we're humorous or just dorks. I'm fine either way. :P
The world would be better off with more dorks...but then I'm biased because I am one myself. ; )
I've a non-conformist habit of starting to read books from the middle, if fiction. Non-fiction or magazines from the backpage to front. Often I read posts from end scrolling back up.
So I'm looking forward now that I see you are in the climax of Alarm Clock Down, to read the rest and then read the start seein how you got there. These last chapters, revealing how the government intends to reveal bits and pieces to the public, is very intriguing and delightfully meta!
I'm glad you've been enjoying the novel, @radioactivities! It's been challenging at times to find the proper places to break up the episodes but it's but good for the creativity muscle. I really think this platform has a viable future for serialized fiction. When I'm doing an episode I envision it as an vintage radio program, condensed, action-packed, and always ending on a cliffhanger.
Excellent observations! I was born in the late 60's and understand where you're coming from. The language here is Oz is different in each state. One will call Soda, fizzy drink, the other cordial... I don't drink the stuff so I call it... well you don't want to know. ;)
Thanks @angierose! We have those regional differences here too. Bag/sack, pop/soda, etc. It's fun, different is good.
Um - yes - I too order small lattes at Starbucks - just to hear the cashier correct me ;)
Ha! Good for you @storyseeker! This makes you a member of the verbal rebellion. : )
I do enjoy people watching. My grandpa is the wordsmith in the family. Every one of his kids has a nickname. None of his grandkids call their aunts and uncles by their real name. Haha, it is such fun.
People watching is the best. : ) I think this wordplay was far more common in previous generations. I'll do my part to bring it back!
I can't do the Starbucks words either, Eric. Too mainstream. :)
It's so ridiculous. I understand branding but it's a few steps too far. : )
Enjoyed, I go to the icebox when I get hungry and no one understands what I am talking about.
Ah, icebox! It has so much more soul than refrigerator. I tend to gravitate towards words that are older for some reason.
Yes! This is really a thing, verbal rebellion. My grandmother used to do it with pretty much anybody's name. Your post helps me understand a little better what she might have been up to.
Funny, @geke! This must have been more common than I thought back then. People had more time on their hands, their attention wasn't been blitzed every waking hour. I also miss pranks and jokes. You don't hear people tell jokes anymore!