HONEYMOON IN HELL: Episode 1

Walking down the aisle with Adesua my beautiful bride is one of the greatest memories I have. The picture on the heart of newly weds as it was on my heart, a heart-shaped, honey-coated moon could be short lived at times.

I turned my eyes to Adesua. In her early thirties, you wouldn’t believe we had been married for seven years. The sun seemed to aid her fair spotless skin to shine brightly…

She was lost in thoughts… It was obvious.. Or so I thought.

“Sua” I called.. She didn’t bulge, her eyes fixed on what I couldn’t pinpoint..

I turned the steering of the car to the left as I navigated a turn into a curvy slope… “Susu, you have been so distant these past few days” I said.

“I know you are angry about something” I added nodding my head in affirmation to my point. You know how women could be displeased at something and expect that you know, because men are supposed to be mind readers.

“So what am I angry about?” Adesua snapped.

I shrugged with a wry smile…”Don’t know” I took another right turn and joined the express road…. “Its only you that knows what it is…”

“Please, Dotun.. Just focus our driving ” she folded her arms..

“We both know you can’t concentrate on two things at the same time…” She continued..

I looked at her.. “Huh?”

“Spare me the talk please!” she concluded and sealed it with a long hiss.

Silence seemed to occupy the time, I thought on what to say.. To appease the gods..

I mean an angry woman is almost like the deity Sango… All she lacked was the power of physical fire.

“Look sweetheart” finally finding my voice…

“if you don’t want to talk about it, fine. I just thought this trip would be a beautiful avenue to clear the air” I continued, glancing at her.

Scoffing, she turned her side towards the window.. She murmured something but I couldn’t make out the words.

“Fine” I blurted out.. “I won’t bring this up again”

“Really?” she quizzed

“You won’t bring this up again?” She continued

I turned and looked at her in awe.. Women can be so confusing.. I mean she just didn’t want to talk and now she’s getting worked up that I won’t bring up the issue again.. Women.. Arrgh.

“But you know you haven’t brought nothing up, right? ” she added and turned her face away..

“For God’s sakes woman, I just asked what the problem is and you refused to speak” said I trying to sift the annoyance in my voice.

Adesua shook her head… “You know what Dotun?” She enquired

I grunted in response..

“Just leave me alone, I am not in the mood to argue with you.” She added.

“Okay ma..” I answered and fixed my attention on my driving.

Living with a woman is like a very dramatic series. The feelings and moods decorating every scene is magnificent. It takes grace to adapt.. A large amount of grace..

Adesua was murmuring again but still I couldn’t make the words..

She must have noticed because suddenly the volume of her voice increased…

“As if you asked me before planning this trip.. As if you even involve me in any of your plans… No.. I’m just a robot and where you go I go, what you do I do…” She hissed…

“Asking me what the problem is.. Nonsense and ingredients” she added.

Isn’t that what marriage is? I thought to myself… Where i go, she goes.. What i do, she does.. It is what it is.. But I was wrong to have not sought her opinion or advice on this issue.. And on almost every issue! (Oops).

I just glanced at my drama Queen and smiled..

Clearly I could see how selfish I had been. I thought this trip would make her happy and we could set things right but i was obviously wrong. Sometimes assumptions don’t work well with women.

I beeped my car horn at the dark blue gate of my pucca house.. Its location at the outskirts of the city was both an advantage and a disadvantage.

So yeah, your wondering what a Pucca house. Can be re-framed thus:The design of the pucca house was Adesua’s , teaming up with her brother (only sibling) Femi an architect. The inspiration was from India.

I beeped again and just then the small gate opened. Musa comes out, waves his hand at us and goes back in..

Musa the gate-man is a stout young old man in his fifties, has been with us for over 5years. He has a large scar just above his left eye, he claimed he got the wound while trying to escape from Kano and his offense was becoming a Christian. A fugutive for Christ.

He comes to the window before I drive in fully. Its his usual habit.

“Oga welcum, I af expect you since morning …” He said.

I nodded… His construction of English was fair since he only had primary education

Musa spoke on “Efrywia iz frefared walahi”..

“Madam saanu fah” he greeted Adesua.

“Yaya de” she replied with a broad smile…

You see the mood swing I’m talking about here? Women! they can be happy with whom they like and at the same time displeased with another.

The duo continued conversing in Hausa. It wasn’t too surprising how fluently she spoke Hausa. She was born in the north, Adamawa to be precise before her family moved down to the west.

Their voices faded in my ears.. I was lost in Sua’s smile..

Once again i found myself on the alley of our love memories. Its visible to the blind that I’m still in love with her as I was the first time I saw. Well it wasn’t love at first sight, but something about her innocent nature drew me to her..

It was a boring day at Muritala Muhammad airport Lagos. I had finished my routine for the day, serving in the Risks unit as an IT student. I decided to go and massacre some food at the canteen, when I saw a damsel who seem distressed.

Being a ‘knight in shinning armor’, I ran to her rescue on my horse and saved her. Apparently, she had escorted her cousin to the airport in place of her parents. She lost her way and was being assaulted by one of the touts that hang around at the airport…

So you see I was a Knight in shinning armor.. I smiled…

We connected instantly and….

Adesua’s voice broke through my thoughts “Dotun shey you will not drive in again ?”

I drove in…

The pucca house was the first property we acquired.. In those days after we got married, we could hardly make ends meet. Then we lived in a rented apartment in Ikorodu hardly affording a three square meal..

Though we were poor, we had love! Who we were is a dream version of what’s visible. I wanted that harmony back..

Adesua married me against her parents wishes. Femi was the only member of her family who supported our union. Sometimes I wonder if she ever felt she made a mistake.

I parked the car and hurried down to Sua’s door before she got down.. It must have ran at the speed of light because I was breathing heavily..

“Suey” called I her as I got on one knee trying to catch my breath. I had a lot of nicknames for her.

She watched in confusion.. I’m sure she thought I was about to propose to her.. But of course we are married.

“All these years, I thought I was busy making money so you would be comfortable…” I began to explain..

She starred at me with her big brown eyes.. Been long I had been this close to her. I loved the way she smelt.

I continued ” I must confess.. I have been so insensitive and selfish ” trying to gather the right words I paused…

Her expression was starting to soften.

“We have been so far apart… I know you love me but I hardly ever hear it as I don’t say it.” I stopped

Tears were gathering in her eyes.. You know women, they are so emotional.. But I meant every word I was saying.

“So I thought we could steal sometime to be together.. Far away from work and friends..”

“And its a good plan but its bad because I didn’t carry you along. I’m sorry..” I added

“Seven years ago two lovers got married and couldn’t afford a proper honeymoon… The young guy took his bride by the hand as they walked through a mini park in Ikeja and promised her that when they had money.. He would give her a befitting honeymoon….” I explained.

She smiled as tears ran down her cheeks saying.. “I remember”

“Bae… This is it. ” I said managing to smile.

“Aww…” Said Sua as she wiped the tear drop on her cheek.

“So will you forgive me?” I asked.

She drew me up and planted a kiss on my lips…

“I forgive you my love…. But we seriously need too talk and sort things out..” She said with a string of seriousness in her voice.

Women and talk are inseparable… “That’s no problem, we will talk and talk and talk…” I said winding my waist with every talk I mentioned.

“Excuse me?..” She pushed me away from her way giggling..

“If you had told me, I would have brought something really sexy…” She said picking out the bags from the boot.

“Susu, don’t worry se.. We could go out and shop for something”

“But the house is far away from town” she said as she lifted my brown suitcase….

“Leave that one..” I said

“Why?” She asked..

“Because I will bring it in myself.. You already got a lot to carry..” I replied.

She winced her nose at me.. “All these your nice attitude that I see when you want something ” she declared..

I winked at her and blew her a kiss..

“You are dreaming mehn…” She replied as she went into the house with the bags.

I don’t know why even wives play hard to get for their husbands.. I don’t care either because it was a good sign things would turn out great….

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Thanks so much for reading this: credits also goes to lubukola.wordpress.com ,my partner.