I'm TOO Nice - And It's A HUGE Problem!
It started off with a ride. That's all he wanted. Just a ride to work. It's "right down the road," he said (except it wasn't).
"Sure," I said. "Hop in. I don't mind giving you a ride."
BIG MISTAKE! You see, that's how it starts. Every time...
Soon enough, I began getting the dreaded knock on my door EVERY morning. And EVERY morning, I complied. I rarely got any gas money, and even let him borrow $10 here and there.
Is this beginning to resonate with any of you?
I've always believed in being a kind person and helping others. Unfortunately, something in the universe seems to draw needy people to me. You see, it's never "just one ride" or "just one favor" with me. Somehow, I attract people who begin to use me. It happens ALL the time!
I'm somewhat sure that not everyone in the world who asks a favor of another is out to use them. There must be people who ask for one favor and leave it at that? Am I wrong? Lately, this question as really been messing with my head. I'm beginning to believe that kindness is truly a weakness.
I often wonder if there is some kind of aura emanating from me that screams "USE ME!"
Then I think that having thoughts like that must make ME sound crazy. Usually, I end up trying to justify the fact that I'm getting used by telling myself that I shouldn't let other people change who I am, and that by being nice I'm keeping true to myself and my morals.
I've been analyzing the situation for the last few months, because to be perfectly honest, I'm starting to feel anger every time someone approaches me for a favor. I've never been good at saying no to people. For some strange reason, even though I really don't want to do this person a "favor," the word "NO" just won't come out of my mouth. I try to spit it out, but sometimes it simply won't come.
Unfortunately, I've come to realize that just about anyone who starts a relationship with you asking you to do them a "favor" is most likely a user and is somebody that will take a yard if you give them an inch (or a meter if you give them a centimeter, if you are using metric).
I often wonder if it's the fact that I live in a neighborhood which isn't that great. I do pretty well for myself, and maybe people see that because I have a decent car and keep my place nice, I can afford to do things for them like give them rides, money, and a host of other things that people have the balls to ask me for.
It's almost like they expect me to help them because I have something they don't. That's all well and good, but I worked hard for what I have. I don't mind sharing, but I don't think I should have to give you something just because you asked me for it. Sadly, this is what often ends up happening to me.
Recently, a young guy moved into one of the units next to mine. He asked me for a ride one day and I gave it to him. I think that was mistake number one. I've now begun to learn that I should nip these things in the bud by refusing the very first request.
On the other hand, I'm the type of person that actually feels guilty when I tell a person I can't help them. It bothers the shit out of me. Why should I feel guilty when I know someone is asking me for things that go way above and beyond the realm of a simple "favor." For instance, I was asked to cover a $40 taxi ride for this person. There was no way I was going to do that, but I did have $10 in my wallet and gave that to him, mostly just to get rid of him. Does that make me weak? I'm beginning to think so. At the very least, it makes it easy for others to take advantage of me.
Lately, this person has been knocking on my door at all hours looking for all kinds of things, including wanting a place to stay for the night because of some issue that was going on in his apartment. The crazy thing about all of it is that I'm actually a little bit afraid to say no to this person.
I often resign myself not to answer the door, but in the end, I always do. Maybe I just need to grow a set of balls and cut ties outright. I'm just not somebody who like confrontation.
I'm a quite, peaceful person. I'm an Iraqi Freedom veteran and even though it's been more than ten years since I was deployed, I still remember all of the constant noise and the hectic lifestyle that came along with it. I think that's why all I want is solitude and to be left alone.
Another thing that really pisses me off is that because I have a three bedroom condo and I live by myself, people are automatically assuming that I want a roommate. I DON'T! What's even more surprising is I have had people who are so sure that I'm going to let them stay here that they have actually shown up on my doorstep with bags full of their possessions! Can you believe that?
Thankfully, this is one thing that I have able to stand my ground on. I DO NOT want anyone else living with me. I'm set in my ways, and I don't want to have to worry about saying or doing anything that someone else will find offensive. I just don't need or want the bullshit that comes along with having someone else in your home.
The bottom line is that I simply want to be LEFT ALONE! I don't think that's to much to ask. Is it? Honestly, I never thought that being "too nice" could be a bad thing in this world, but it is. I'm not saying that it's good to be mean to people, but maybe it's best to be firm and not allow yourself to get walked all over.
I'm anxiously awaiting your comments about what you think of this situation, and what you think I should do. How can I change? Help me out. PLEASE!
