RE: Original Poem, Don't Blame Me
Mesmerizing, almost metronomic beat. Good rhyme, too.
Teensy prob: I'm thinking "their" should be "they're"?
Slightly bigger prob:
Next-to-last line- beat suddenly stumbles.
Last line- I'm thinking, perhaps, it's supposed to be a finalizing "No more rhetoric- let's bring it down to plain-speak?" Which could fly as an in-your-face performance art piece. But in this situation, for ME anyway, when I hit it I felt like the rug had been pulled right out from under me. Like I'd run into a wall.
Which, again, I think might have been intentional. BUT... the stop was so sudden, it actually knocked the whole point of the poem right out of my consciousness. All I could think about after that last line was... that last line.
I think, maybe, better to keep some aspect of continuity with the rest of the poem's "style." Not a lot- just enough to "buffer" the sudden stop.
Anyway, still....
Very nice work.
Hi, Camnine, I am glad my piece impacted you. That being said, other than pointing out the typo, I don't remember asking for your critique and it's hardly fair for you to do so, when you have no work for anyone to comment on. I found it rather offputting. All I could think after your last line was, "I didn't ask you to teach me to write"