ULOG: Blunt Stories for COM26 second entry

There's something about Tuesdays that gives me joy beyond ration. A tingly feeling in my mind that heralds bad decisions; my consumption of unhealthy amounts of alcohol on a daily basis hasn't really done much to stem this situation and yes, yesterday was just another Tuesday in a long list of bad decisions.
The day started off well, I woke up bright and early and made my way to the abomination I call work. I work for myself so technically, I can't actually be late for work but I think I was pretty early by my standard.
The evening came and I got back home, feeling an itch in my throat, the kind of itch that pushes me to drink gin, so I did the healthy thing hit the gin to keep my liver in shape. The throat itch stopped but my body didn't feel quite right, I wanted more.
The stories about the weed sold on this street are rife, there's this one about a "mad man" on the street. The word was that he hit this particular strand of vegetable once and it turned his life around. The story continues that he was a mild mannered electrician trying to get by in life until he encountered this great blunt and that his hair grew ten folds immediately after.

Street rumours have to be taken with a pinch of salt; true this man acted in fact loony at times, it possibly was a health condition rather than marijuana induced; my Tuesday urge pushed my into this myth so I thought I'd find out indeed if this story was true, to feel the true strength of this powerful blunt.
I took a bath right after work and got on the street, my street is a dead end kind of place and I don't mean it in the nice way. Its a narrow street with homes in clusters, lined with small shops that sell variety of things, ranging from provisions, clothes, stolen second hand phones laptops and electronics. Petrol generators are common place in my society and only recently, I heard that the guy who fixes ours is undercover the kingpin dealer of that plant in this street. I patronized him.
Accompanied by two of my friends, I got into it. It was pre-rolled so didn't need that amateurish stress of having to.
I dramatically put the roll in between my lips, clamped gently on hit, sparked the lighter and dragged. I felt the smoke seeping into my body as my innards were slowly roasted, my chest felt compressed from deep within and my head got light. Each drag gave me an identical feeling with only my head feeling lighter and lighter every time, as I repeated the motion and washed it down with gin.
As the adventure got to the end in a ten minute frenzy that felt like an eternity, I was effectively fucked up. It was time to go home and as I walked gently back home my feet were wobbly and saw what I presumed were to be ghosts as these white clouds roamed randomly right in front of my eyes. I got home with an "F" in any urine test known to man and felt this perpetual tingliness, I could feel my penis trying to poke its head out my pants, there was no reason to be hard, yet here I am with a steel rod gently prodding its way to freedom, I'm so glad I tried this shit close to home. Perhaps the stories were true about this weed after all, I don't want to find out what would have happened if I smoked the second wrap.

I nominate @trumpman and @nonameslefttouse to make dope entries for this contest.