die to love

he was there dancing under the rain, screaming or singing i can't really tell ,bcuz his voice was so loud that you can't stand hearing a word of what he is saying.
in all of sudden the weather changed and his face changed as well, the snow is falling all over the town and on his pale face too ,i went down the stairs holding a camera in a hand and a jacket in the other as an excuse to talk to him ,hoping to record this scene that i didn't want to be forgotten.
i did it i'm finally out just at the doorstep but why in all of a sudden everything turned to be soo calm and so suspiciously sad ,what is happening for godsake?
i took a look at the sky and i found it surprisingly dark, darker than the usual, it felt like if i was in a movie where the sky color changes cuz of the sorrow in ppl's hearts ,but i know that can't be true, after all magic and those fictional stuffs aren't really my type of like things.
then something took my attention after that moment of deep thinking ,where is this guy! he can't just run away from me! i need to take an autograph by him bcz there is something that attracted me to, perhaps his charisma, who would go out and scream in this frozen weather !! only a crazy dumb person that has everything in this world and can't think rationally about his next step ,unlike me over-thinking is absorbing all my creativity till the last drop.
i decided to make my first step out while screaming dude where r u? the singer please i need to have a talk with ya ,i'm jennifer ur new first fan, but no answer.. a rush of ideas crossed my head at this moment...
of course his personal driver passed by & took him back to his white castel, and now he is preparing excuses to tell to his father the king
this was one of the childish thoughts that i had thnx to all the disney princess movies i watched ,but unlike them i have never met with a prince on a white horse like they claimed, first time i saw someone of my type & he already ran away from me.
*** poor lonely me ***
at that time i realized that my unconscious part led me to the exact same place where he was standing and that's not all. ....
my heartbeats are going faster, the adrenaline level, blood pressure, everything in my body isn't normal ....
i yelled ""helppppp heeeelp""
someone is lying down covered with blood all over but no answer, i'm in the middle of nowhere i can say; our house is the only house at this side of town.
i went closer to check his identity a part of me was so afraid that it might be him my charming knight, after turning his face i saw what i've never thought of, this guy is martin he is one of the most famous students in our high school ,he is a footballer and as like i heared the other girls saying he has the full package ''a charming smile, and a hot muscular body, a bright future this year he was going to sign with one of the first division teams, that must be a hate crime!!
i was so sad that my warm tears fell like a rain on his cold body but there was another thing infront of him a letter half covered with blood but i managed to read some of it:
< today i saw the light within a girl's eyes, her smile was so pure, i tried my best to get her attention but she avoided me at that time i knew that she is the one, any normal girl would fell out of her fake throne just by a single word from me but not her, there was something special abt her, i tried everything but she pushed me away, she said something that left me heartbroken:
i'm the ugly dumb poor Maria the girl you and your friends were making fun of all the time and just to cheer you up, congratulations now cuz of all those tears i shed after being bullied all that time and after receiving all those insults by you, doctors told me that i don't have much to live and i'm still dealing with anger and depression issues you gave me so thnx and she went away.
first time in my whole life i had that feeling of being neither able to respond nor to make a single move, i stood there like a stone, a damned filled with hatred towards himself stone, i have never thought of it this way, all what i have said was supposed to be a joke to make people laugh, i was unconscious at that time and i'm still, i don't deserve to live after knowing the truth and the results of my past deeds.
here i go first hoping that you will forgive me and follow me up there in heaven or in hell i don't even care anymore bcz what my words did is unforgivable.
hurting you was my first mistake but loving you for you from first sight was my worst ever > the end.
i cried i cried for days, for months, for years, 10 years passed and i'm still looking at the parc next to my house where an innocent full of sadness soul left the world by her own will.
they said it "words hurt more than weapons do but i'm here to correct that words don't hurt they kill .....