What should I do??? I'm confused…

Help please advice! I'll start in order. Five years ago I worked in one company, I really liked it, and it turned out that I fell in love with my boss, he was married, but he showed me signs of attention, once he was alone with us he had sex, he was 20 years old older than me, and it did not bother me, I went around like a zombie all the thoughts about him, although I was always a prince, that with a married man neither, but it happened .. He supported me in a difficult moment, when a guy died, he died was very sensitive and attentive, that's probably bribed me, in general we slept for about a year, in total I got pregnant from him, he threw me, and said I had to have an abortion, but I did not want this, and I would never have decided it, it's a murder. In parallel, I talked with another guy, we had sympathy, I was afraid to admit to others about married guy who in addition is older than me for 20 years, in short, I began to communicate with another, and we all turned so quickly that I lied to everyone that the child was from him, he seemed to believe everything was going well, we signed, and I gave birth daughter, she is already big, everything is fine with us, only there is one thing, but we tried to conceive the second, but nothing e out, I really want a baby from him, but all the way, 2 years tried, but to no avail. Do you think that if he finds out the truth, he will forgive me? I'm also afraid that I will not be able to give birth to a child, and he will not have any own children, because time is running out, I ruin his life, I think so. In short, I'm confused .. Help me please ...