My Cocaine Addict Story

 Let me warn you before you read my post that I am not a native english speaker. Because, if you are reading this right now, I am so grateful that you are taking your time to read what I am going to say even if it has nothing to do with you. So, thanks in advance. to be honest, it has been long time I could not find someone to talk with about about these things. I have been reading too much on Steemit, so I decided to share my experience although I do not know if I am in trouble while writing this post far far away from you guys.

I have used ecstasy for two years. I started like I took 2 or 3 once in week and then I turned into taking it 2 or 3 every night because I was and I am so unhappy. Then, I met with a guy, I guess I felt in love and he is a cocaine addict, so I started to use it with. I just used it for 3 months. I got an obsession with him even though I know that he is just searching for girls for one night. We live in different cities, but I could not stop thinking of him. he has never adviced me to use it, but I tried to find and use it without him after my first try. This drug became my life. Everything other than it was so meaningless, still everything so meaningless to me.

After I met with this drug, I fucked up. I became someone different. And unfortunately, now I can't live without it. I do not feel alive. Anyways, I quitted everything 4 months ago because I had to graduate because I knew I am not gonna graduate while using and my family was expecting me to graduate after putting tons of effort for me.

Turning into my actual situation, I do not know what to do now. I am not able to continue my life.

I am always thinking of getting them again. in every second of my life. when i get up or before i sleep. sometimes, I see I am taking them in my dreams.

I deleted my contacts and moved to another city in order to get rid of all the stuff, but I am trying to refrain from not calling my contacts even if they are away, I am trying to keep calm, but I know I am always one step away from calling them and starting again. It has been 4 months I know, but as I said I can't go on my life, I do not feel like I am living or I am a living creature. It is like there is a life waiting for me there I am going to be happy with them because I do not know if I feel happy or satisfied again. I do not want to ruin my life, but you know there is a fine line between going back to my old life and ruining everything even if I feel very empty now, and trying to build a new life now. I feel so alone. I am lost. as I already said I can not go on my life. I live with my family now and they do not even have an idea why I act like this and why I am so unhappy.

So, please help me. please do not have any hesitation to share your thoughts with me even if they are very negative. Becuase, I still love this guy. I know he does not have any feelings for me and living a different life and nothing is going to happen between us. Thank you for reading.