High Standards, High Maintenance

The other day I approached a bunch of my course mates, the group consisted of 3 males and one female, with the intention of asking for some updates regarding an upcoming school event. When my question was vaguely answered, the guys proceeded to change the topic.

“Hey, I hear the inn down the road is yours.” One guy said with a mischievous smile.

“its not mine. Its my relatives’. ” I answer politely.

“well, they’re basically the same thing. I bet you’re rich.”

“How can I be rich when I don’t have the money to pay the contribution for the upcoming event?” I exclaimed in a half joking manner.

“Aw come on, you Chinese are so stingy. I bet you wouldn’t even give me any free cash.”

“I have no cash to give because I don’t have an income. Its that simple.”

Unable to counter my retort, he then turns to the other girl and tells her, “Look at you. You are such a lady now, fixing your hair and dressing in girly dresses. I bet you’re trying to catch yourself a guy now.”

The girl fidgets as he touches her hair then the ruffles on her sleeve. He turns to me again and says, “Do you have a boyfriend? I bet a pretty girl like you has already had a few.”

“No, none.” I answer curtly.

“Really? You are lying.” He says with a grin.

“None since birth. My relatives are strict on the topic.” My voice was flat. I had been asked the question so many times that my response seemed rehearsed. It was a boring and repetitive topic. What followed caught me off guard.

“I bet you have high standards. A smart rich girl like you must be high maintenance. You’ll expect a guy who is way smarter than you are.”

I didn’t bother replying to this statement because it was extremely offensive and because the two other guys in the group laughed and cheered in support of his statement.

Yes, I am female. I come from a family of business owners and I am the top student of my batch as well as a decorated debater on campus.

What most people fail to see is that my traditional Chinese family looks down on me because I am female, therefore unable to do anything as well as a man or inherit as much as a man is entitled.

My relatives are business owners while I am simply a “helper” – required to put up with the workload of an average employee but not truly employed, hence unpaid and on call 24/7.

I am the top student not because I bribed the teacher nor promised any favors. I strived to be at the top of all my classes because I was told a woman could not equal the capabilities of a man, especially in mathematics and logic. That women only went to college to find a decent guy and get knocked up.

I joined the college debate team and became a debater because I was tired of listening to a classmate rant about how she would do things differently if she was the one in front of the podium instead of the males her college preferred recruiting.

I listened to the criticism and made myself aware of the preconceived notions. I analyzed the stereotypes and then I challenged them.