Oooh! I love what you've done!

I can see the scriptwriter's hand, but that's nothing to be worried about, it gives the writing more impact.

Unless there is ventilation in a crypt the body can explode and cause a leaking situation creating a smell as many cemetery workers can attest to.

This sentence is bothering me a little. Maybe a little punctuation to slow it down?

Unless there is ventilation in a crypt, the body can explode, leading to a leaking situation, creating a stench - as many cemetery workers can attest to.

How does that work for you?