This is atmospheric too - different to your bedroom stories, this is stressful, tense and it comes out in the writing.
One thing, please tell your readers who is speaking - in the second instance, it's not clear as we've only been 'introduced' to Victoria.
One more question... how loud would a cat have to yowl to be heard over a woman's raised voice?
It's little things that make the reader stop and think and those little things are what we as writers have to smooth over and make real.
I like this story. I'd like to read more.
Well done, I'm delighted you think I'm helping :)
To me, this is different, the mood is strained, Victoria is on edge and you can tell. Last episode, she was grief-stricken but now... now she's determined and angry.
Thanks for your guidance right now it is a bit like trying to learn to ride a bike.
I made some changes ... in case you ever see the post again I think it is better.
I introduced Ralph briefly and replaced the cat with a thunderstorm.
Also did a few more things. :)
I saw! I like!
I made a suggestion or two - I hope you don't mind and feel free to disregard :)