Steem wars - First contact - Qluegnishea (also for Comedy open mic round 14)

The hatch door opened slowly. A bit too slow. Fog which came from nowhere and filled the two space ships. I don’t know why they keep such scenes. I would have been to the planet by now and slayed everyone but no. Drama.

The doors finally opened. There stood Ani-won kirsten. A vague pink form, glistening through the fog which engulfed her entirely. The jedi master I had heard so much about now standing right in-front of me. I turned on my modulator, my voice had to be extra macho for such a hero.

“Hello Master Ani-won.” My voice turned to the extra metallic deep one. More macho than the guy who plays the terminator. You don’t always need steroids.

“Hello Darth speed. How did you know it was me?”

“The steem. You?”

“The steem as well.”

No mystery left.

My mind lost its reality. The sudden pains which had plagued me for a while. Images of a different dimension. A world worse than this. Where all the information was available in the cloud (Weird right? I thought all they could bring was the rain). Free for all who could access. Yet the world was cold. A dark place where no one knew the real things about the other. Superficial information fed to them day in day and day out. Is this what happens in a world where information is available readily? The good and the dark sides coalesced together. Was the Steem trying to show me something.

I used my Darth skills to concentrate on that lovely red cupcake with cream on top, to get such dark images out of my head. Even we have limits.

The fog cleared by then and I saw Ani-won in all her pink tutu glory. Ani-won had transformed. Just like the amazing transformation of Crabbe in Dreary Totter.

“Set course for planet Shabba. The queen of the Qluegnishea is young. Filled with fire inside and out (wink wink). She has begun a revolution which I must ravage, end. I meant end. “

Master Ani-won seemed to ponder on that name. Scratching her non existent beard. She raised her sword or walking stick honestly I could not tell, as if to say something. Then looked away and pressed the buttons. Weird man. Gal I mean. All this recasting is getting confusing.

The planet was in our view. A beautiful green and blue planet with a silver moon floating to its left and a brown one to its right. Blurry for some reason. A space ship orbiting the planet bearing a mark I remember. Within it, a force which seemed ancient, powerful and played some God awful music.

“Dock with that ship master Ani. Avoid the brown moons gravity.”

“Aaaah, now I remember, Quegnishea’s. That’s not a moon Darth Speed. That is…. poo.”

“Poo?”

“Yes, they shoot poo.”

Poo? What kind of a life form can they be. No wonder we are building that giant meth star. Queue bugle horns. What the emperor lacks in style, and machoness he seems to make up in wisdom.

“Land the Eon Hawk Master Ani. It is time to crush this rebellion.”

The queen stood holding a sword. A troop of guards surrounding our ship. Their primitive spears and axes held ready for attack.

“We come in peace. Queen...” Dammit always forgetting names. “Queen of the Qluegnisheas.” Whew, saved it totally. I held up my sabre just to drive it home.

“You will leave in pieces, emperors dogs.”

Like I said, fiery and that was a damm good dialogue. Will have to use it the next time.

I nominate my teammates, lol, @anikekirsten, @hazem91, @Jayna and my missing apprentice @foxfiction
Do not know the source of the crabbe goyle pic. It is from a meme.