I looked at the message again:
The Lord Chancellor of Spewn has an only child which he named Davidson, or Dave for short. The Lord Chancellor mistook her for a boy at birth, so he gave her a masculine name and only found out later that she's a girl. The name has put a strange curse on the princess, making her always accident-prone. It was prophesied that her marriage to the High King Prince of Tubular Waive would break the spell. And I'm assigning you, the Rogue Geeks, to another mission: escort Princess Dave safely, sober and well dressed to the High King not only to "cement" trade agreements between Spewn and Tubular Waive, but also to break the spell, which is two birds with one stone for the Lord Chancellor as a ruler and a doting father.
Man, Dr. Muxx just likes to give us crazy missions, doesn't he? I sometimes wonder if he travels forward in time to find just the right mission to embarrass us (does time travel work that way?). I wonder about a lot of things. What did computer geeks do for a living before computers? What is the question to 42? Why are cows purple?
I did know one thing for sure though: the priority right now was making sure we could cement the trade agreements. The good news was that I am friends (or liked to think I was) with the owner of Planet Renovations Inc. on PR1. And so I headed that way in my starfighter after packing some of my favorite weapons... just in case.
I tried the door handle. Locked. I backed up a few steps, leveled my blaster, and incinerated the lock. I kicked down the melting door and pushed it out of the doorway. The man behind me looked at me with a pained expression then looked down at the key in his hand.
"You were saying?" I asked.
"I think I said 'I have the key,'" he replied.
"Nah, about the cement."
"Oh... that... We have four different types that we thought might work for your purpose. You can see them there in the center of the room."
I walked over to four blocks. They looked cementy enough to work... not that I knew much about cement. I kicked one. Seemed hard enough. Only one way to choose the right type then.
I pulled out my lightsaber and flicked it on. The blade went through the first and second blocks like the cement was butter. The third one seemed more like margarine. A shout interrupted me before I could start on the fourth one.
I turned. "Yes?"
"We didn't design the blocks to be lightsaber resistant. That wasn't in the specifications. You just said you wanted something to cement trade agreements in."
I thought about that. Seemed right. I looked back at the blocks and pointed at the one that had survived. "I'll take that one."
Ever tried transporting cement through space? I didn't think so. It's not that simple. On a planet you'd just spin it. In space you have to spin the spaceship just to get gravity then spin the concrete inside that created gravity. By the time they explained how it all worked, my head was spinning along with the ship.
I just hoped nothing stopped spinning on the way to the wedding. I'd hate to be the bearer of
bad news hard concrete.
This post is part of the craziness and fun that is SteemWars. If writing scifi parody is your thing, drop by The Writers' Block Discord and ask for some more info.
Special thanks goes to my teammate @raiserxn who wrote the spiffy mission summary.