@sostrin Best wishes my friend. I've been through my mid-life thingy myself, and it looks as though my marriage won't survive the on-coming empty nest.

I always felt drugs are merely a symptom of existential problems that society has no intention of addressing, namely 'individuation' a matter of 'The Hero's Journey' ... Society is intentionally disinterested in individuation because it's hard to mass-market consumerism to free-thinking individuals of strong self-agency.

It may seem 'selfish' in fact, many emotional manipulators in my life have derided my process of individuation as merely that. That's why your comment about "in-laws not wanting to hear it" resonated with me.

They don't want to hear it, because it makes them reflect on their own existence, and for some, introspection is unthinkable, socializing being their 'healthy' escape from doing so.

"The sage is bright but not blinding."
Lao Tzu, Tao Teh Ching

I bet some of the substances you tried did promote introspection, not mere escapism. Of course, I can only advocate introspection, not drug use. If you're familiar with introspection (not just 'numbing'), then you're 'on the gateway' ... towards meditation.

Soon you'll master deciding to which feelings that bubble up while meditating are worth attaching. Hint: the feelings that give you a sense of compassion, charity, and love! All other feelings are mere products of the human condition, not to be taken personally and certainly not of The Self towards which a better you can arrive.

This compassion you gain, you can decide with whom to share, particularly those who truly wish to see the better you, not merely those who have a use for you. Those latter poor souls will need to introspect on their own before their behavior no longer is destructive. You have no control over their process.

Go your own way, with peace and love (which come from within as far as I can tell ...)