in #steemstem2 years ago (edited)

I have a question for you: What exactly is it that the Borg assimilate when they add more drones to their collective? Maybe reading this blog post is helping to answer it. Maybe not. You tell in the end.

The todays topic is about why it is significant to become aware of biases in the counselling process and that social workers are well advised to overcome them.

In the recording below ...

I do treat this topic next to the notion onto problems.

The recording itself triggered some further thoughts of mine & I decided to make an article which builds upon what I've reflected on in the audio and what can else be said about the process between client & consultant.

My view of the world and how I look at people, what image I have of my fellow human beings in general, is crucial so that counseling can be seen by both the client and myself as fluid and successful.


It is useful - but above all owed to the demands on oneself - how well the consultant wants to know oneself. In the sense that every moment in the process, in conversation with others, can change rapidly. That one can very quickly lapse from a benevolent attitude towards another into a disapproving one. [It is a special characteristic of man to be flexible and this mental form of agility is therefore something good. Just imagine that this elasticity does not exist. How stuck and rigid we would then be, probably we would no longer exist.] Whoever is aware that this rapid change cannot only happen, but will happen, is mindful to use such moments of awareness and to say goodbye to the disapproving attitude. It is like stroking a hair from your face that has disturbed you from seeing clearly.

Awareness is what the emphasis is on, not so much the content of what I disagree with my client about in a consultation session. This happens all along and should therefore not be anything special. It is normal, nothing more, if I catch myself having a judgmental thought or feeling anger, frustration or anxiety. Read also @abigail-dantes article about empathy. All these afflictions happen in interactions between people who exchange emotions while maybe thinking they only exchange informations. I must not confuse which emotions are mine and which are the client's, I should be able to be attentive. In fact, there is constantly a transfer of emotions from the client to me and vice versa.

I have learned that it is helpful and above all necessary not to be impressed when I suddenly get a nervous flutter or feel restless or exhausted. People who come to me for a consultation often bring a suitcase full of feelings with them. These are scattered throughout the room, so to speak. And they, of course, do reach me.

If that were not the case, I would forfeit my humanity. Basically, one cannot shield oneself from it. Rather, it is a matter of dealing with this phenomenon. An even better image is not a shield but to consider that my body is permeable. When I imagine in slow motion how a strong feeling affects me, is a kind of substance that hits me, which I then see pass by my eye and recognize it and try not to hold the substance, but simply let it flow through me.

By Nyo - Gray Goat Temple, Chengdu, Sichuan, China. Photo: own work., Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2662963

Emotions are indestructible

It is idle to believe that one can suppress emotions and evaluations or eliminate them like burning a piece of paper. Rather they reach me anyway and then the question applies: What do I do with them? I can't empty my own mind like a floor. It is constantly in use, always busy with something and it cannot be transformed into a void. This is completely impossible in an awake state. Moreover, I am dependent on the functioning of my mind, because it is my servant in consultation.

The mind is very similar to the body in that it reacts to pain (stimuli). When I cut myself, I cannot pretend I did not cut. For a short moment the pain is very real and predominant. I can't say to myself: it doesn't hurt. Because it hurts after all. But now the period of time between which I physically felt the stimulus and the time in which it ebbs away again becomes decisive. I can concentrate on the pain and prolong it mentally, so to speak. Or I care for my wound and no longer think about it. Mentally I prolong my pain when I get angry that I cut myself, I insult the knife or the moron who sharpened it so keen. I extend it even more when I complain in the evening to my man that the fool, which is me, cut herself with the stupid knife.

When a client says to me, "My idiot husband cheated on me with the slut from the restaurant," I can be repulsed by the language and tone of voice and feel pain over this form of expression. But at the same moment I can let go of trying to control the client's language or feel compelled to react angrily to it. I only have my own language under control and can continue to cultivate my style serenely. But I can also use my anger and make it my helper by, for example, using a lax language that is closer to the client while still maintaining my etiquette. Instead of being hostile to my anger - unfriendly towards my momentary self - I make friends with the delivered emotion and use it, because otherwise I maybe wouldn't have noticed that I can adapt my language style a little. My anger can distract me towards a negative reaction or attract me towards a positive reaction.

Briefly back to the recording: You smile when I smile, you find yourself amused by a joyful expression in my voice. This is how I feel when I listen to recordings and inevitably find myself in resonance, because the voice in the recording triggers this. Just as we are infected by laughter, we are also infected by crying and rage. Well, that is not a secret, everyone knows that.

Getting dizzy while being in a session

CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=992281

But the fact that we can also be afflicted by confusion and physical symptoms is less well known and probably less accepted or heeded.

Since I heard about this theory, I have observed myself in the consultation process with people. What struck me was that there was something to this hypothesis when it was about the particularly strong feelings of people with whom I shared space. So I suddenly suffered physical dizziness, sudden feelings of fatigue and impressions of overwhelming in the mind, and asked the client, "Tell me, do you have just too many thoughts that you can't sort right in this moment?", wereupon this was confirmed.

Transference & Countertransference

In my training, this was a question that we pursued because our lecturers confirmed it and we found this research question "Are there physical phenomena that two people can transfer to each other in their conversation interaction? This has long been known from classical psychoanalysis, but I had never noticed that these were more mental than physical transmissions.

But since we also know how strongly the human mind can influence the physis (placebo effect, etc.), this should not be a novelty that surprises. Nevertheless, it is a matter that is generally not thought about so much.

You cannot really be sure where a physical experience comes from, whether it is caused by the client, by what he has said or how he has acted, and this now leads to a chain of events of emotional involvement in the counsellor or therapist himself. In this context, however, it is not so important where or what my current states originate from, the only essential thing is that I make myself aware of them and blame neither myself nor the client for them. It is then merely a form of disturbance in the flow of communication, which I do not need to condemn, but can even use the moment of awareness positively.

Look at it like watercolors on a palette that have mixed without the painter noticing it, and the moment he wants to put a color on his brush, he is surprised that there is another tone that he can use or leave there.

In my search for this article I found a a master thesis by Andrea Gepp of the Master's course "Psychotherapy Sciences" and quote her through translation from German to English:

The question about this work arose from the practice with the patients: During the conversation with psychotic patients in the residual phase or patients who have already experienced psychotic episodes, it happened to me several times that I (suddenly) noticed physical symptoms or sensitivities in myself that I could not directly relate to the verbal communication between the patient and myself.

Some perceptions from my own practice:

  • Although I had started the conversation fresh and motivated, I was struck by a sudden tiredness and heaviness, which I could not explain in this intensity.
  • While one patient was talking, I experienced a strong flicker around my eyes.
    After having experienced such symptoms a few times, I first looked for the explanation myself (fatigue, overwork, too few breaks during the sessions, own biography, etc.). However, it became clear to me through these recurring situations and finally through the discussion in the supervisions that the patients themselves triggered these phenomena in me.
    Based on this insight, I began my therapy work, if the patient's state of health and the course of the conversation allowed it, to address the patients as to whether they also perceive this or that symptom in themselves. And indeed: The described situations were an unconscious reflection of physical symptoms between the patients and me.


The phenomena is known in science as "Transference" and "Countertransference".

Transference has been defined as ‘the client’s experience of the therapist that is shaped by his or her own psychological structures and past’, often involving ‘displacement onto the therapist, of feelings, attitudes and behaviours belonging rightfully to earlier significant relationships’ (Gelso & Hayes, 1998, p.11).

Countertransference describes the therapist’s reaction to the client in terms of both feelings and behaviour. Originating in the psychoanalytic tradition, transference and countertransference were once seen as fundamental to successful outcomes in psychotherapeutic treatment. However, over time, the emphasis has gradually shifted toward the ‘real’ relationship between client and therapist and some psychologists have even questioned whether the concept of transference exists at all.


How can this be meant? We know that we transfer untold and unmentioned information through non verbal language. This form of communication must be taken up in one way or the other.

In this article it was asked:

How can transference theory be relevant to the practice of medicine? Physicians are not trained in such depth in psychologic theory, lack the resources to acquire such knowledge about patients, and might even be put off by this kind of thinking.

The same could be asked for all kinds of professions and interactions between people, for example, between

  • Social worker and client
  • Lawyer and client
  • Ambassador and State Delegate
  • Trade union leader and employer negotiator
  • Teachers and students
  • Sports coach and professional athlete
  • Judge and witness

Assimilation & Accommodation

Basically, all human encounters are characterized by influencing each other, most of them not so much on the surface. Where and how the transfer begins, where exactly it comes from cannot really be said.

By Marcin Wichary - originally posted to Flickr as [1], CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=7254146 Just remember the time you went out to a space bar on the weekend and tried your hand at flirting. If you had a very nice dance night and were asked the next day by a friend: Which one of you actually started? Then here - maybe - even a clear answer is possible by whom the initiative took place, but those who have thrown a lot of flirting ingredients into the love pot in the *course of time*, making the food sweeter, spicier and more interesting, can no longer exactly say or measure it in the end. It is a swinging back and forth, a mutual influencing of looks, gestures, non-verbal signs as well as verbal use of language.

Whether we find someone particularly attractive or particularly unattractive definitely has physical effects on us (heart beats, transpiring etc.). One friend would also be very disappointed by the other if she reduced her description of the flirt partner from the previous evening purely to the external attributes. Rather, we speak - as a reinforcing element - of a person's charisma and mean something we cannot put into words. But who exactly is the assimilator and who is the accommodator, cannot be nailed down to the point.

Perhaps most importantly, once one views these phenomena in terms of schemas, one is confronted with the idea that schemas can never be characterized only by assimilation. Assimilation may at times predominate over accommodation, but there can be no such thing as "pure" assimilation--or, for that matter, as "pure" accommodation (Piaget, 1952, 1954).

However necessary it may be to describe assimilation and accommodation separately and sequentially, they should be thought of as simultaneous and indissociable as they operate in living cognition. Adaptation is a unitary event, and assimilation and accommodation are merely abstractions from this unitary reality. As in the case of food ingestion, the cognitive incorporation of reality always implies both an assimilation to structure and an accommodation of structure. To assimilate an event it is necessary at the same time to accommodate to it and vice versa.. . . The balance between the two invariants can and does vary, both from stage to stage and within a given stage. Some cognitive acts show a relative preponderance of the assimilative component; others seem heavily weighted toward accommodation. However, "pure" assimilation and "pure" accommodation nowhere obtain in mental life. (Flavell, 1963, pp. 48-49)


It seems to me, therefore, that it is not so easy to make a precise attribution of the originator and recipient of a message in the context of therapist/patient and counsellor/client relationships.

The question then is:

How important is it to make a person primarily responsible for a transference?

Is it actually not enough to become aware of the fact that a disturbing element is emerging, of which a counsellor or therapist cannot be completely sure where it is coming from, but at the moment of its emergence his reaction to it can be appropriate and he still has the means to ask about it?

Well, here's what the setting's like. Is it a therapeutic one? Then the therapist works with the given methods, which are scientifically recognized and would work in a classical psychoanalysis with the patient in such a way that he adheres to the rules that this school gives him. He will, in one way or another, make his patient aware that transference and counter-transference take place. He will want to work towards this type of therapy being a success for the patient in terms of improving his psychological situation.

As a systemic consultant, I have a completely different setting and would not presume to work therapeutically - even though one will hardly manage without the approaches. But a lot is now being borrowed from psychology both in consultancy work and, for example, in systemic organisational consultancy for companies. The entire area of coaching - where people work without a degree in psychology - looks with great interest at the scientific findings and, no matter in which area they work with people, one sees parallels between Western psychology and Eastern philosophy that are of assistance at work.


For me it is therefore helpful that if I have the impression that transferences take place of a mental and physical nature, then I have a handle and know what to do. As a consultant I am responsible for the situation because my client may never have heard of mindfulness or may not want to take responsibility at the moment of the session. I myself may not even know that someone seeks my consultation who might have been diagnosed.

Of course, every adult should take responsibility for all encounters, but if I fall into the house with the door and want to give responsibility to the client, I will certainly not succeed in controlling or enforcing it. I can only feel responsible for myself and be true to my principle that encounters are most successful when I let go of my aggressive will and rather adopt a stoic (in the most positive sense) or Daoist attitude:

Do as much as necessary and as little as possible.

I heard this sentence from one of my teachers and it impressed itself on me. Excessive zeal, ambition and willingness to help block a process more than they encourage it.

From the I Ging:

"Without intention nothing remains unpromoted;
for one is never in doubt what one has to do."

What I understand by this is, that strong determination is hindering the harmonious stream of actions. The space between determination and un-determination could be seen as what is meant by "without intention". I have moments of total clarity and of being without a doubt in my sessions with clients. They do not come with inglorious trumpets but are a serene perception that everything is all right and the client and I are in a good swing.

That does not include doubtlessness but merely is giving the meaning that one is aware to ones doubts, as well. When I notice a flicker during a session that mostly is a doubt. It does not form itself through a well formulated sentence in my mind but is rather giving me a break which I did not intend. Then I stop and re-arrange what I was about to ask or say. Sometimes, I must change my inner notion towards a client because my doubt was making me tense. Then I quickly get a clue what it is about and can continue without being tense.

Picture is listed as public domain: By Song era print artist - http://catalog.digitalarchives.tw/item/00/08/73/99.html, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=16588985

When I look at other people as intact and carrying potentials of all kinds it differs much from seeing them as distorted.

Rather than dichotomizing between perceptions that are accurate and those that are "distorted," the schema notion helps us to see that all perception is a selective construction, in some respects a creative act. It is not arbitrary, but it never lacks the personal element.

Even the supposedly "objective" observations that underlie scientific theory building are richly suffused with the idiosyncratic and personal, as modern philosophers of science--Polanyi (e.g., 1958, 1966) in particular--have strongly emphasized. In the perception of other persons, and especially in the perception of their intentions and affective states and qualities, the variability from observer to observer is so great that it is extraordinary that a sharp distinction between "accurate" and "distorted" perceptions could have been retained for so long. To be sure, each patient's experience of the analyst is highly individual and shaped by personal needs and fantasies. But consider the enormous variation in perception of the analyst by those other than his patients--the differences in how he is experienced by his spouse, his children, his teachers, his students, his friends, his rivals. Which is the "undistorted" standard from which the transference distortion varies?


Now, isn't that an interesting question?

"Which is the "undistorted" standard from which the transference distortion varies?"

I have not a final answer for you. You may go and investigate yourself. We all are researchers and curious. I am paying tribute to the sciences which stand for an ideal: not stopping to ask a question for such of a time that an answer is feeling for you truly correct. By this I mean, that if you can go and figure yourself by an empirical approach, you should go and figure.
Self-knowledge comes through what you read in the scientific papers and elsewhere, where it is dealt with the mind and through testing the hypothesis for yourself where it is and seems testable.

Also: Have you found out the answer what exactly the Borg do assimilate?

Thank you for reading.

Related SteemSTEM articles of mine:


Sources & References:













Youtube-Video Picture: https://www.flickr.com/photos/badjonni/474558791


Basically, all human encounters are characterized by influencing each other

In a way, it reminds me of a wisdom my mother used to drill into us: Be careful of the company you keep. She didn't mean this so much as a danger to reputation. It was more a recognition of the influence others have on us. This is something we think we can ward off, but I think you're right, and my mother was right, everything in our environment influences us.
In a professional capacity, as a teacher, I had to be alert to subjective reactions I had to students. Perhaps they reminded me (subconsciously) of a child I didn't like, or did like, many years ago. So, when reactions to students seemed inordinately strong--either positively or negatively--I had to exert some conscious control over my behavior. Also, I had to be aware that they might respond to something I said or did--or perhaps to the way I looked--because this triggered something in their minds.
A very interesting piece. Hard for me to read without hearing your intonations at certain points. :)

Thank you. Yes, everything influences us, so also the things we take up unconsciously and may not be aware of. So it is good to be selective, I agree.

You give a good example where psychology made the general public aware of that people, situations etc. can trigger a memory or flash of a memory towards a current situation or person we perceive as uneasy (or easy, it goes the other way, too as you also mention) and we even do not know where this comes from.

But what we are aware of is the emotion itself. When a dislike becomes so strong that it causes suffering one should have the means to refrain from it and to find the methods in doing so. The example of teacher and student particularly concerns parents with smaller children as they have to trust the staff at school that they mean it well. Working with young people is somewhat easier cause they haven't yet so much unconscious memory "stored" as adults. This is what I experience in my profession as I work with different age groups. When my appearance is a blank page to the young this makes working together much easier.

My responsibility is to see my flaws and dislikes and not act them out upon my clients.

Has it ever been the case that you felt you could not work any more with a student? Or that you were accused of having your favorites?

No, I was never accused of having favorites. Of course it was hard to resist liking students who responded to my teaching. Most of my students were very vulnerable. They were placed in my school because they were depressed, or had similar psychiatric issues. So I had to be especially careful to created an atmosphere that was safe and reassuring. The hardest part of my job was remaining dispassionate with cruel students, those who tried to bully others. To deal with that bullying and not get angry is a challenge. I'm not sure I always succeeded.

That was quite a responsible work.
It's human to fail sometimes and become frustrated or angry and even clueless to a situation. We must accept that things sometimes just go not well. But I guess for the most part you were a good teacher and when you were in the same way attentive you are now, your students sure were fine with you. I most respect this work where one is responsible for so many souls. It should be honored more. I've heard in Japan teachers have a much higher respectable onlook than in western nations.

The question about problems is intriguing to me, but that is another post...

"It is like stroking a hair from your face that has disturbed you from seeing clearly."

I think so much negative attitude can be treated this way, without so much struggle as people generally think.
But.. you are right about emotions I think that people who declare things like, "no regrets", or, "I have no regrets," are most often being very foolish. It takes a lot of self work to achieve that ability, which to me is equivalent to 'enlightenment' or 'prophethood'. Yes, the secret is in fact to deeply feel/process everything..

This is an awesome statement and worthy goal, I think:

"Look at it like watercolors on a palette that have mixed without the painter noticing it, and the moment he wants to put a color on his brush, he is surprised that there is another tone that he can use or leave there."

Too me the questions surrounding transference also speak to the 'staring from behind' phenomena (that you discussed before with Sheldrake's work), and to be frank, I think Western psychology/counseling is determinedly ignorant of. There is a spiritual aspect which is doggedly ignored except for a minority of counselors, and often these take it overboard and fall to too much imagination and emotionality regarding the underlying reality of 'it'.
However, it is the 'theory' that lacks, not the ability to deal with it. In practice the approaches you desrcibe, if properly applied, will circumvent/deal with the arising challenges. As you said in the audio: "...decide internally to not disagree externally.."

"Sometimes, I must change my inner notion towards a client because my doubt was making me tense.".

...it's interesting how intuition comes back into the picture, which to me answers the question of distortion. As humans we actually can 'know' what to do without analytics and cognitive understanding. Not that these things aren't valuable and worth pursuing.. maybe one day we will succeed in closing the circle between what we understand and what we know.

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I feel grateful to you because it is good for me to realize how carefully you have read and heard what I am trying to convey. Thank you very much for that. It is comforting to have such an interaction with you.

Also, you connected the dots and take in what I wrote beforehand and put it together with your perception of the world.

What you say is consistent with how I perceive people myself and what I hear or read about them. Basically, academic knowledge on this large scale about mental disorders seems to be needed to understand oneself. Otherwise, it is really incomprehensible why the catalogue of diagnoses in the DSMV is so extensive if there were not also a great interest in understanding one's own personality traits as a practitioner, counsellor or therapist. This extensive catalogue is contrasted by even more extensive method papers. One does not have to delude oneself, the sheer quantity of publications is only helpful if I also find the time to read certain material, to understand it and to compare it with my treatment practice. You can see, because there is so much theory, a classical practicing clinician would have to be busy with self-reflection and supervision on his own initiative and knowing himself would have to be his primary goal. In fact, I believe that this is either a conscious or unconscious goal of a person working as a therapist. He should be willing to learn from the patient and not to distance himself in this process or to project a problem onto the patient alone, which then has to be solved.

From my own experience I know that the method kit is not worth much if I do not accept my inner world as an active part of the interaction or relationship with a person.

As you say, the space between analytical and cognitive knowledge and real understanding should allow these two to meet. Since they are in reality inseparable anyway, only that people lose themselves in analysis and stay too long, which is merely the division of conceptuality and splits into ever smaller parts. In the end, where the analytical mind can no longer get any further and man meets himself, the potential can unfold.

What I used many words for but wanted to support what you so pointedly said:

it is the 'theory' that lacks, not the ability to deal with it.

Theories can be stretched endlessly into the universe:)

In my world of experience it is not a protracted act, but it occurs in a matter of seconds and must always be repeated, because nothing stands still and an encounter of numerous emotions is determined, which again and again trigger new shakes, which I can overcome again and again.

Where I have not dissolved the shaking fluidly for myself, I have the feeling after a consultation that I have failed. There are moments when I sent clients away or did not support them in their decision to do this or that. What is interesting for me is that this usually has something to do with the fact that I perceive that a client is not willing to recognize his own part in a conflict or to take a perspective on it. Funnily enough, this has to do with a client's desire to do something about an alleged injustice committed against him, either through a lawyer or in court. My inner anger then had to do with the fact that I was not prepared to let go of my control, since it seemed clear to me that a judicial method would not be able to resolve the conflict, whereas the client meant this. However, it is very easy to leave control to the client: Quite simply, by deciding to do it at the moment of its emergence. Than, the sense of failure goes away.

This means that it is wise to recognize the difference between when I just reject a client's decision and when I reject the client as a whole. I can simply stand by my view and say: I recommend something other than a lawyer. And the anger of the client, because I don't carry his decision with me, let it fly past me, wish him all the best sincerely and honestly.

As humans we actually can 'know' what to do without analytics and cognitive understanding.

This is something what gives hope and befriends people with people. I deeply believe it's true.

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When a client says to me, "My idiot husband cheated on me with the slut from the restaurant," I can be repulsed by the language and tone of voice and feel pain over this form of expression.

I think you're getting angry at the wrong person 😄

This was an interesting read, as usual, sparkled with insights throughout. I've always said that it's impossible for people not to have values, and our values are like glasses that we always wear and see the world through them, depending on what type of being or individual we are. So it's expected that a therapist, just like any other person, will 'judge' during a session, it's unavoidable. But you can be trained to have all those tools in your arsenal to stop those thoughts, almost like a meditator, and to intervene with argument or logic or knowledge, and stamp out the thought, and become more objective and helpful.

I for one found nothing surprising about your client's stance; it seemed a very sensible stance! To say that one 'needs' one's problems (as you say in the recording) is an over-interpretation I think in this case. Neo too didn't want to 'cure' his problems by taking the blue pill, he insisted on being 'unhappy'. Whether some people need a cure is relative, in this world. The same people (7 sages of Greece) who said γνώθι σαυτόν (know thyself) also said οι πλείστοι άνθρωποι κακοί (most people are evil!) As Krishnamurti said, "it is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society". If I were a therapist and people came into my office and said they are well, I'd give them pills :D

You make that point at the end, I guess, by telling us of the interpretation of 'diseases' as 'the ability to...'. That was very nice.


Hi, dear Erica! I can't wait to read and listen to your work. However, my baby just woke up and I will have to leave it for tomorrow. :/

Anyway, I just wanted to say that this is such an important question in our professional field and I am really glad that you decided to discuss it!

See you later!
<3 <3 <3

Hope, you are well & your baby, too:)

Thanks, Erica. We are fine. He is growing and being able to communicate better and better. He understands around 20 words or more now and is very very curious :) I hope you and your family are fine, too. You have an eight grader or in other words - a teenager now :)

People who come to me for a consultation often bring a suitcase full of feelings with them. These are scattered throughout the room, so to speak. And they, of course, do reach me.

This is such a beautiful metaphor. When I read it, an image emerged in my mind of your client and you, sitting in a room and all the emotions flying around, scattered by the wind.

I wasn't aware of the possibility a transfer/ counter-transfer to be a physical one. Never thought about that. But it makes sense as our emotions always have a physical representation.

I remember how my nervousness and enthusiasm transferred towards the children I was working with when a team came to film how we reflect upon the school year. Suddenly they started wandering around the room, jumping, running, talking fast ... just like me :D I had to take a deep breath and calm myself down. This was the only way I could calm them down.

Btw, you can see the video and the wonderful children I was working with here :D


Is that you in the video?
Lovely and smart children & really interested in the whole procedure as it seems.
Was that an experiment or pilot or is it a solid institution to work that way at this particular school?

That is an interesting approach you take in supporting the students for being more independent in dealing with their strengths and weaknesses.

This requires a skilled teacher on self knowledge on the teachers side.
Thank you for giving this example of calming yourself down. I can confirm that very much. When I feel restless and nervous through a session because the nervousness of a client affects me it is of no use to "command" the client to become more relaxed. It helps way more to become calm myself.

I am fine, too. My son has reached puberty and patience is what I have to remind myself of when I feel aggravated with him. As everything this shall pass and meanwhile I want to give as much independence but at the same time guidance towards him.

Yes, this is me in the video. I was part of Teach for Bulgaria program working with underperforming schools for better education. Teach for Bulgaria is an NGO, part of Teach for All network. There is also a German organization working in Germany for better education.

it is of no use to "command" the client to become more relaxed.

Ahahah. I have tried it. You are right. It doesn't work :D

I am glad you and your family are fine.

patience is what I have to remind myself of when I feel aggravated with him.As everything this shall pass and meanwhile I want to give as much independence but at the same time guidance towards him.

Family relationships are always an inner journey offering something new in every turn, aren't they :D Always an adventure :) I am quite sure he will turn into a wonderful young man in a couple of years :)

Hi @erh.germany!

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Much appreciated! Thank you.

Upvote only for that image 😍

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Being able to self-reflect and analyse yourself in the process is a sign of true professionalism and actual understanding of your job.

I laughed a bit on your reasoning about catching yourself in disagreement with your client.

Seems like you are doing great :)

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