This is My Flammenwerfer. It Werfs Flammen. (Actual Flamethrower Unboxing!!)

My flamethrower arrived! A sorely needed bright spot amidst the panic and gloom of my roomie possibly losing his finger to the lawnmower yesterday. I mean a flamethrower isn't gonna solve that really, but it lifts my spirits somewhat. After all, think of all the flammens that need werfing. They aren't just going to werf themselves, yanno.

^source

Damn did this thing arrive with some documentation. There's a manual for the flamethrower, there's a booklet of instructions for charging the battery, there's a safety warning card. Almost like this is an insanely dangerous product I should never have bought. Oh well! In for a penny.

It uses a lithium polymer battery pack similar to what's found in some drones to power the fuel pump. Consequently it needs to be charged, and comes with a charger for that purpose. Nothing too fancy, but the fact that the batteries are lithium polymer do give me mild cause for concern.

Lithium polymer batteries, after all, infamously explode in a fireball if punctured. Having that right in the guts of a machine that shoots a pressurized stream of highly flammable liquid hydrocarbon seems like a bad idea to be for some reason. But hey, what do I know.

Below you can see the battery itself, tucked away in a neat locking compartment where the fuel pump and all other electronics are housed. That does comfort me somewhat. If you have to use a fragile battery that catches fire if damaged, you certainly want it to be well shielded.

Below you can see the LED display embedded in the side, which tells you the battery state of charge. At least I think that's what the readout indicates. It would make sense if this is a partially charged 12 volt battery pack. Perhaps it's a fuel gauge, but then it ought to read zero...?

Anyway the double sized fuel canister which allows for 60 seconds of flammenwerfing arrived many weeks ago and is sitting in a drawer waiting to be attached. There's also a $400 fuel backpack you can buy that (I believe?) triples that duration. Just in case you absolutely positively need to fuck up a whole lot of bad guys.

What will I use this for? Probably nothing. It's a wildly irresponsible thing to have purchased. At most I will take it out to a derelict industrial ruin somewhere just to catch some footage of what it looks like actually shooting flaming fuel. It'd be a shame not to do that at least once.

Other than that? Unless civilization collapses I can't imagine what all I can use this for without landing in prison. Mostly I wanted it just to have it. Given that it cost like $800 I'm now second-guessing that decision, but I love this stupid thing too much to sell it.

By the by if you're wondering about the legality of this thing, astonishingly there are no legal restrictions on flamethrower ownership except in three states, none of which I live in. God bless 'Murica.

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^{Stay Cozy!}