IS IT LOVE THAT YOU'RE FEELING?

(Is This Love - Bob Marley on YouTube)

It is a rare person who has never experienced the pain of a broken heart. That heavy-hearted feeling where you can't eat, can't sleep, can't do anything and can't think of anything else. As a teen-ager it would take me up to two weeks to get over it. The funny thing is, I thought that was the worst it could get. But that is another story :)

There are of course, different opinions and outlooks on the matter of love and/or sex.

There are the innocent, trusting and the naive. There are the quintessential players who are only interested in the next mark on their scorecard. And there are the more level-headed and practical who manage to traverse the minefield of emotional relationships more successfully than most. For some, it can be a journey from one extreme to the other while most finally settle down somewhere in the middle.

It was only later in my 20's, after contemplating on my various disappointments in my youth. that I realized the most common cause of heartbreak in my teenage days was not really caused by, and mostly had nothing to do with the other party but by my own miserable self-centered self!

It turns out that what I thought was love was actually simply disappointment and dejection at not getting what I had fantasized and obsessed about. Perhaps most remarkable of all was that the thought of what they might have thought about me NEVER EVER crossed my mind!

You see, from our childhood days we are constantly bombarded by mass media about love. First love, undying eternal love, love at first sight, friendship turning into love, electric love. And that is not even talking about lust and sex!

And so when we meet someone we are attracted to, even as we try to figure out how to "make things happen", we tend to end up simply dreaming and fantasizing about the fun things we would like to do together. And it does feel really good doesn't it? And we think we have fallen in love.

But is it really?

In the first place, is that person even really the way we imagine them to be? Assuming the minimum physical standards of the person are met, it usually just becomes a simple game.

For most guys, their main concern is how they can get the girl to do what they want them to do no matter what it takes.

For many girls, it is usually enough if a guy can give them what they want and/or if he can pretend well enough to be what they want him to be. Until he gets what he really wants. Then it tends to become another ballgame.

While it might be right to call this love, it is really self-love rather than mutual love. We just want something for the sake of our own happiness. It hardly occurs to us what might make the other party happy except perhaps to impress them.

Perhaps the more accurate word would be desire. There is actually nothing wrong with desire but there is a world of difference between desire and "true" love. And it is the confusion between the two that is usually the cause of heartbreak.

(Could You Be Loved - Bob Marley on YouTube))

Quite often, physical attraction can be quite overwhelming, particularly when it is mutual. It is certainly great while it lasts.

You like him. The guy is charming, (maybe) has a car, is persistent.

You like her. The girl is pretty, charming, and game.

So far so good. Except that the girl gets pregnant much too soon.

This is mainly why some people get married at a very early age. Nothing really very wrong about that either except that the biggest problem with this is that it usually ends up making either or both terribly curious about what else is out there after a while.

Rather than rush into profound commitment, would it not be wiser to first consider if we really can or should love a person who may not or does not really love us, or in many cases, simply wants something from us?

Certainly, such a person can a valid object of our desires and admiration. After all. it does not hurt to desire or admire a person even if that person does not reciprocate or even know us, right?

It is only when we go overboard, particularly after a satisfying sexcapade, and convince ourselves that it is "love" albeit unsure that it is requited, that we run the risk of unnecessary rejection, disappointment and heartache. While sex is an expected result of love, love is not necessarily a result of sex.

In fact, even if we may not be so hot on the idea, it would probably be more rewarding to at least make an effort to love and appreciate those who may really love us rather than insist on inflicting ourselves on those who clearly do not.

In fact, before we even demand or expect to be loved, maybe we should first think about whether we deserve to be loved.

So what is love?

Perhaps we can define it as being as concerned or even more concerned about another or others than you are about yourself. It is being happy making and seeing and knowing that your loved ones are happy. And it is happiness and contentment in being loved in return.

Strangely enough, love is in many ways the opposite of that other thing it is hard to live without - money!

Money is finite and material. Love is infinite and immaterial.
The more you hoard money, the more you will have. The more you give it away, the more it will run out
The more you hoard love, the less you will have. The more you spread it, the more you will get in return
The more money you have, the more things you crave for to be happy.
The more love you have, the less things you need to be happy.
The more money you have, the less sympathy you tend to have for those who lack it.
The more love you have, the more sympathy you tend to have for those who have not found it.

Fascinating, isn't it?

(Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bob Marley on YouTube)