Flying through the air on the back of Rigormortis, the Squire and Sir Scooterless headed towards the Shire in search of Bilbo Baggins and the ring.
After the close escape from the elven merchants, Sir Scooterless now felt unwell. The bite mark on his arm was throbbing and his mouth was unusually dry.
Suddenly Sir Scooterless lost control of his bowels and the blowback onto Squire StinknZombalot was devastating. Thankfully his arm had been strapped back into place securely by Sir Scooterless and he could maintain his grip on the fast moving Rigormortis.
But now the nausea began to overcome his whole body. The last thing Sir Scooterless remembered was Squire StinknZombalot wiping the shit from his eyes and then everything went blank.
Awakening, everything seemed different to Sir Scooterless. The world around him seemed different. It was as if his senses had been numbed and his feelings had left his body. And now all he could think about was ‘BRAINS, Yummy BRAINS!!!’
The bite. Squire StinknZombalot had turned Sir Scooterless into a Zombie. Strangely, although their brains were now mush and they were technically dead, they both still had their wits about them and were able to make normal decisions like they did before they were dead. Well I guess, technically they were now the ‘Walking Dead!’
Sir Scooterless - The Zombie Knight - Source
‘How long have we been here Squire StinknZombalot?’ asked Sir Scooterless?
‘Its been 3 days and boy am I hungry’ replied Squire StinknZombalot.
Well there was only one thing to do. Before they could go any further, they needed to search for food and the only food source that would satisfy was ‘BRAINS!’
With Rigormortis back between their legs, Sir Scooterless and Squire StinknZombalot flew onwards at a low altitude searching for a source of food. Before long they flew across the marsh lands of the Gulf of Lune.
Spotting something moving through the rushes below, they swoop in for a closer look. Then they see it…. A large green Ogre!
Rigormortis fires a ball of fire at the ogre, stopping him in his tracks. Sir Scooterless jumped from the moving Dragon onto the Ogre’s back, holding on with all of his might. The Ogre yelled ‘Please No. What are you doing? Don’t you know who I am? My name is Shrek!’.
Not knowing who this Shrek was, Sir Scooterless drove his dagger deep into the Ogre’s neck, unleashing a torrent of brownish green blood and stopping the ogre ‘dead’ in his tracks.
Gleefully, Squire StinknZombalot stumbled over to the ogre and cracked open his skull and the two had a feast to remember!
After filling their stomachs, Squire StinknZombalot and Sir Scooterless mounted Rigormortis again and they flew onto the shire in search of the infamous Bilbo Baggins.
After a few more hours of in-flight belching, the infamous pair landed in the shire and left Rigormortis to stand guard atop of Bilbo’s house. Close by, the pair noticed a Pegasus grazing on the lush green grass.
‘Knock, knock, knock’
Bilbo opened the door and welcomed the pair inside. He reeked of whisky and brandy and was ‘pissed’ beyond recognition. This will be easy, the pair thought, before realising that someone had already beat them to the shire, and to Bilbo.
From the darkness of the next room there came an enormous fart accompanied a few seconds later by the most disgusting smell the duo had ever come across (and that is saying something coming from two zombies).
Out stumbled the infamous Lord Percival, a member of the Ring Bearer team. A known sex addict and streaker…..
How did Lord Percival get here so quickly?
Why was Bilbo walking so funny?
Had Lord Percival been the Ring Bearer of a different kind?
Did Lord Percival already have the ring?
Stay tuned, for the next instalment in the #STEEMLORDS saga and the adventures of the Ring Bearers…..