100 Days of Poetry / Day 9 - Invisible breath / Nevidljivi duh ( Eng / Cro version ) Original poetry / art
Original poem by
Mr. Spacely
do I have my master,
am I really free like a bird,
something like you
your unseeable invisible acts
that echoe through time,
through the waves of sound
it won't let me breathe fast,
your lips are also cold,
while you hug me gently,
while you give me life
and it's never shared with ease
All I hope
that one day,
my brothers
and my sisters,
can see beyond,
beyond the shoulders of the giants,
and they'll give you meaning
to remember you,
Our Invisible breath of ours.
Original poem by
Mr. Spacely
da li gospodara svoga imam,
dal' sam slobodan ko' ptica,
nešto kao ti
tvoja okom nevidljiva djela
odjekuju vremenima,
valovima zvuka
ne da mi ni naglo disat,
tvoje usne su i hladne,
dok me nježno grliš
dok mi život daješ
da ga tako lako dijeli
Sav u nadi
da će jednog dana,
moja braća,
moje sestre
ugledati ono nešto,
znatno veće,
dati tebi važnost pravu
Da se barem sjete tebe
Nevidljivoga duha
by
Mr. Spacely
I will appreciate any feedback. Feel free to speak your mind, I'm open to all suggestions and critics, and I will take time to think about them seriously.
Once again, thanks for the support!
Dear friend, you do not appear to be following @artzone. Follow @artzone to get a valuable upvote on your quality post!
Oh I do
Can you explain, please?
Powerful words my friend! We always joke around but you got a point, I am not a religious man myself. But some things I can't explain and I believe something exists but can't say if it's God or invisible ghost. :)
it all goes down to one thing: LOOOOOOOVE :D :D
Only love :)
A powerful poem with a great message. I wanted to point something out, I'm not saying I'm right but it's something to consider. You might want to change the line: your unseeable invisible acts
that echoes through time. To, your unseeable invisible acts that echo through time. I think the singular echo is a little less awkward. Also, 'such gift' could be 'such a gift' or 'such gifts'. Please let me know if you don't want to hear this type of feedback and I will keep it to myself. Great job.
Oh, man thanks for the feedback! I love it, I edited it immediately! Sometimes I have grammar mistakes, but I hope in time I will be better and better...
Thanks again for helping, I really appreciate it. Just speak your mind about anything, we're here to talk not to argue.. Much love, Luka.