My Biggest Fear as a Parent
Thanks you @steemitmamas for encouraging me to write beyond my Actifit Reports with the writing prompt: “My Biggest Fear as a Parent.”
My biggest fear is that I am too unstable to give my children a proper upbringing.
I wrote the following when I was having a “down moment:”
Depression is Knocking at my Door
Depression is knocking at my door.
“I exist.” She hisses at me through my sons crying.
“Everything is going to shit.” She smirks as I watch the couch that didn’t fit through the apartment door way drive away.
“There’s no love in your home.” Are the words I see as my children bicker and bitch.
“You’ll never rest!” She screams inside my head as one kid whimpers, and another asks for water before bed.
“You always knew you couldn’t do it.” She informs through my bank account statement.
Depression is knocking at my door. I send my kids to bed early so that maybe they can miss her.
I hope the sunshine will scare her away in the morning. Giving her shadows to hide in.
On most days, I know that the best thing you can do for your children is show them that they are loved, wanted, and important.
Sometimes though, I worry that my “blues” and “down times” are actually mental health issues that need to be addressed. And that being sad and anxious isn’t “normal”.
I worry that my “I won’t stand for this” attitude that has me in the middle of a major life change is actually me being selfish.
I worry that my kids will grow up and move away from me, not physically, but spiritually.
And mostly I fear that my fears affect them at a cellular level.
There are lots of fears when I start looking, but the “truth” is that most days, I thank God for the sunrise and than him again for the sunset, and thank him when I hug my children and thank my children for being born and letting me be their mother.
Thank you steemitmamas. Facing fears every once in a while is important.
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Fear factor is what get the best out of our harts and the kids Will be great humans because you rock dear @metzli
Thank you for your kind words ❤️
Deserved dear
I think we have all experienced that inner voice of doubt and despair. We have to constantly fight against them. There will be times of failure and disappointment but we don’t have to stay down. You are a beautiful and loving mother and I can bet that your kids love you dearly and know that you love them.
I know you are going through some life changes but keep your head up Mama! Don’t trickle into depression because once there it’s hard to find your way back to the surface and those beautiful babies of yours need there mama ~ 💗
Thanks for writing this.
❤❤❤❤❤ such a beautiful and truthful place you've shared, mama. And while it pains us to know such fear lingers in the shadows, the only reason they do is because if the presence of true light. You're such a light to your children they shine bright because of you. Xx