Celebrating Diversity in Preschool – Gender Identity

A boy in my classroom would come in every day and dress up as a girl. He would kiss mom goodbye, put his coat and backpack in his cubby, wash his hands, and go directly to the dramatic play center. There, he would find whatever dress he could (his favorite was a Disney Princess cotton nightgown) and wear it the entire day. His roles in the dramatic play were princess, queen, mother, sister or girlfriend.

I teach preschool. Our centers are open to all children. There are no restrictions to their play besides the practical safety and cleanliness rules. You can’t take all the food from the dramatic play center and dump it on the floor. Stuff like that. Even then, a teacher’s role is to help the 3-year old learn how to play if all they are doing is dumping all day. Therefore, the costumes are there for the children to explore, and as teachers, we let their creative juices flow while helping them develop their cognitive and social/emotional development.

In addition, everything is equal in preschool. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. We cannot assign gender roles to anything. Boy takes the role of a caregiver with the baby dolls? Yes. Girl wants to be a doctor using the stethoscope? Yes. Boy wants to be the queen of the castle? Yes. There are no gender limitations.

The boy gets to wear the dress.

When he was in his first year of preschool, his mother would attempt to change his choices. She asked for my help, but professionally I could not limit the items for which he preferred to play. She brought in capes in various colors for the class, in hopes to make a superhero out of him. And he loved the capes. He would wear any cape. Around his head. His head? Yes. He pretended it was long hair. He would tie the cape around his head and let it flow down his back. He would wear the cape as long hair all day. He would work with me in a small group on our counting skills, wearing a dress and his cape around his head.

As his first year turned into his second year in preschool, the boy did not change. He loved all things that are usually associated with females. The best part of his self-expression: Not one child challenged his role. Not one child made fun of him for what he would choose. They knew that was just who he was.

So one day, he wore his dress and clearly set the table for a meal in the dramatic play area. Another boy who loves pretend play wore a doctor’s lab coat, and he walks over. He said, “I’m home!” The boy in the dress walks towards him. Oh no … before I could utter “Kisses are for mommies!” he plants a big one right on his friend’s cheek. That boy just kissed another boy. I’m speechless.

I was also struck dumb when there was no negative reaction. Not from the doctor. Not from the other two children playing in the area. The doctor boy simply sat down and said, “What are we eating?”

Seems teachers are learning something new every day as well. I’m no expert on anything LBGTQ, but I know enough from friends that say they were born this way. They always knew. And I think that is what we were seeing develop in this young boy. And to stifle it or try to change it would only serve to change who he was to the core of his being. He knew it, and who was I to say no.

He moved on from preschool years back. I wonder how the older grades are treating him. I still worry about the discrimination and ignorance associated with the LBGTQ community that he will probably face in the future. But for one small moment in the realm of preschool, he was accepted by his peers with no judgement, no negative reactions. Just friends playing pretend with other friends. The real world could learn a thing or two from the open and unprejudiced nature of the young child.

Note: We did read the book The Kissing Hand and had a chat about kissing. That should be saved for families at home, not in the classroom, for any gender, thank you.

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