Day 150- Steemit Education Homework- HOW DO YOU MOTIVATE KIDS TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY?

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To encourage or make your kids or the kids around you behave a certain way, you need to take care of different things. You need to take care of and pay attention to the personality type of the child, the way she/ he learns and picks up things and information, the kind of reinforcement approach he/ she responds to well, how he/ she perceives the world around him/ her and how he/ she perceives the message you are trying to convey him/ her.

Sadly, many people in the society I live in do not take into account any of these factors. From what I have observed in my family and those around me, the elderly take it upon themselves to be the sole guide of their kids and if they wish for their kids to act a certain way, they order them to behave a certain way and if they deem a certain act as a good one or a bad one, it must not be described in any other way. So the generation before me grew up paying heed to their parents’ and elders’ orders obediently and without questioning the authenticity and rationality of the instruction. For instance, if they were taught not to shake their legs while sitting because it is bad, none of them asked why they weren’t supposed to do it and paid heed to it dutifully.

Those who bowed down to every order and instruction laid down by their elders were labeled as the good and obedient ones and those that dared ask any question or tried digging deeper into things were entitled as ‘rebellious.’ Hence, the kids back then and even many now are motivated to do something good for the community only by order or by labeling the good act as the law of the religion.

Things have changed a lot now and many of them are certainly for the better. Now, kids do not accept everything and anything just the way it is told them. If you tell a kid to behave a certain way or that doing something would bring him/ her harm, he is quite likely to ask ‘why’ or ‘how.’ My son is only 4 and if I tell him that something isn’t good for him, he quickly asks me ‘why?’ and I think it is his right to ask me about things and why I want him to act a certain way.

What I mean to highlight is that if you want to motivate kids to do something let alone it being something good for the community, you need to guide and instruct them in a rational manner and cannot just instruct them to act a certain way. In the past two years, I have studied child psychology a lot and the one thing that stood out for me was to understand the psychology and personality of the kid you are trying to teach something.

When I want to motivate my son to do something nice and kind for the community or even otherwise, I make sure to act cautiously. I now know he is a super-sensitive kid and probably ranks 8 on a sensitivity scale from 1 to 10 so if I want him to do something good for the community, I cannot go into details or highlight things that may upset him. If I want him to help an underprivileged person, I cannot go into details like how that person does not have access to clean clothes or good food because I did that once and it ended up upsetting my son too much. However, I cannot just ask him to give that person money without giving him any reasoning because that frustrates him too. So what do I do then? I obviously want him to be a compassionate, responsible and considerate human being who spreads kindness and love around, but I also don’t want to give him too much information at a tender age that he starts to feel upset and pressured in some way. So what I do is that I teach and motivate him by setting an example for him first and give him as much logic as he can handle right now.

So some time back while we were on the road, a young boy came to us begging for some money and I asked Faateh to hand him some rupees. He asked me why we need to give money to that boy since we don’t know him and I told him that not he doesn’t have much money so he is asking for help and it is good to help people around us. That worked then and each time a beggar stopped us, Faateh would insist me to help him/ her even when I didn’t have cash on me.

With time and with different situations, he needed more explanation and logic. Yesterday, my doorbell rang and when I went to check the door, it was an elderly woman who comes to ask for monetary help every other month. First, I refused her but then I noticed a pair of shiny, bright and little eyes looking at me. He knew I had money and when he saw me lie to that woman that I didn’t have money on me, I feared he would think of me as a liar and would have questions for me. He is inquisitive and sensitive so yeah, he contemplates on things a lot. I told the woman I’d be back with some money and that she should wait for me. Faateh then said something different than usual. Instead of asking me why I was helping her, he asked me how we would buy toys for him if I gave my money to that woman. I laughed first and then answered him patiently. I told him that I wasn’t giving him all of my money and that he already has lots of toys to play with so if he did help her a little, Allah (our God) would be happy with him and bless him with more toys. He understood that and happily helped that elderly lady.

This strategy is what works with my boy and the other kids around me whom I try to teach and motivate to be compassionate towards others. You need to tell them what you are doing, why you are doing, how it will help the other person and then lead by example. If you ask a kid to do something good once and give him/ her a certain reason to act a certain way, you need to give him proper reasoning and logic according to his/ her age and level of course. And if you don’t ask him to behave the same way in every situation, that should also be accompanied by some logic. Logic, reasoning and leading by example works very well for most kids and one thing I must not forget is that whatever you tell your child to do and whenever you have a discussion with him/ her, it must be done in a loving manner and in a loving environment.

Love and compassion works its magic with everyone and its charm doubles when you shower it on kids. Tell a kid to do something good by sprinkling lots of love on them and within minutes you’ll get them to do exactly what you want. However, be rude and authoritative with a child and you may get him/ her to listen to you once, but you cannot convince him to keep up with that act for good. So for me, these factors play a huge role in motivating kids to do something nice: logic, reasoning, setting an example and guiding them with lots of love.

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What works for you? Share your thoughts please. Also, thank you so much for bearing with a long, long article.

Love and light,

Sharoon.

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