How to work with a difficult parent?
Working with a difficult parent is something that you should do very tactfully.
Normally you get a reasonable parent coming to find out what a problem there is with their child, but sometimes you get parents that storm in and they are really aggressive.
I am thinking of one such parent, he was really worked up when he stormed into my office.
I greeted him nicely and calmly and asked him to sit down. He said I will stand as I am angry. I said that will mean I also have to stand and that is not very comforting for a conversation. So he sat down and I asked him what the problem was.
It is very important to make someone who is angry sit down. It really helps to calm them down.
He said that his child is complaining that the teacher shouts at her all the time.
As he was explaining I was writing everything he was saying down. Then I told him I will look into it and get back to him.
He was a bit stunned as he wanted a fight that I could see but keeping people calm is very important.
I then called the teacher in to hear her side of the story and she told me this child is always doing something different to get attention when they are working. She drops stuff on purpose and talks to the children around her. It was very obvious that she needed attention.
Then I got the child in and asked her why she was trying to get attention, did she have a problem with the teacher or what else.
She then told me her father is extremely strict and when he speaks at home everyone has to jump. He says that is the way he was raised and that is the way we should react, she said she does not know anymore what is right and what is wrong as it is always this strict man at home.
I asked her what her mother said and she told me her mother also has to jump when her father speaks as she is just as scared of him as they are.
This made me realise that there could be a bigger problem than just a teacher shouting at a child.
I phoned the father and said when he gets off work he must come and see me as I will open the office and we can talk.
He came that evening at about six and I opened the office.
I told him everything that I had found out and said, do you not think you have some trouble yourself, you are so strict and the child does not know what to do. That is why she is reacting like this.
How would you feel if someone keeps interrupting you by dropping things and talking while you are teaching?
I would get really angry he said.
Well this is what is happening, and if you want everyone to jump when you talk, it is not fair to them all. Remember this is your child and you are really making life difficult for her and she does not know how to handle it.
He sat back and said my father brought us up like that and now I remember how difficult it was, maybe you are right. I must go home and talk to everyone and really try to start listening to what is happening and not just scare everyone.
A few days later the teacher came and told me things have improved a lot in the class, and the father came to thank me for getting behind everything.
This really changed into a very happy family with of course still discipline but in a different way.
Hope you read my post and that I hope you have a wonderful day from the Wild Coast.
very usefull your articles @methusalem, hard to equate with the old man is very difficult, i feel it, add that moment i take education in one university, my desire to take the majors that i want, but my parents forbid, for some reason, and i give in and entertaining very disappointed.
That is very sad, can you not pay your own way.
feeling disappointed, but wanting how, to please my parents, now start to know, because I am fed up with courses I do not like, and they also recognize their mistakes.
The worst thing that can happen to a child is having a narccistic parent, they practical suck every joy and hapiness from the child.
In my own opinion, most of such parents dont change, the best thing is taking the chilc far away iif possibe, but in a case its not, the child dhould have a normal confidant to raise his self esteem.
I don't think you can nor should remove a child because the parent is strict, this would have monstrous effects on children and families. Exactly what was written in the article of working with the parent/whole family is the best approach. Education and supporting the student and family is the key to success.
Great article @methusalem
Thank you so much, I totally agree with you try everything before removing children from a family. Sometimes you have no choice if a child is mishandled.
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