I Hate College and I'm Pretty Sure It Hates Me

A picture of our horrible roof causing me stress...

I've had a fever for days now. I'm pretty sure I've got something like the flu but who knows? I feel partially to blame with how sick I feel right now. It's been a stressful week and for the first time ever I let stress make me sick.

That looming date of defending my dissertation ticks closer and closer. And of course I couldn't just sail into port easily. No. I had to hit another hurdle. The one thing I hate about college is the red tape. The red tape and the rules kill me. This semester I had to register for one credit hour to finish. One tiny credit hour....how much does that cost? One thousand dollars. I'm sitting here staring up the stains on my ceiling where the roof leaks thinking how badly we could use one thousand dollars to get a new roof but instead it has to go to my college.

I took one too many semesters to finish so they didn't want to give me a student loan to cover the cost of that stupid one credit hour because of a stupid rule. The reason I took so many semesters is I was told I had to register every single semester until I was done even if I didn't work and knew I wouldn't get a passing grade and would have to retake that dissertation hour. So the two semesters I was pregnant and c-sectioned and didn't work they made me register, charged me money, even though I couldn't work and didn't pass and had to retake those credits. If I didn't register they would have made me pay for those two semesters anyway before I could get my degree....Basically this rule is all about making them money. It's a stupid rule to be forced to register when you know you can't work and will fail.

So yeah...I don't have too many student loans but I took too many credit hours and the college doesn't want to allow me to get funding. The student loan companies are happy to give me the money but my college says nope! I had to waste time appealing this decision by writing a letter stating why I took too many credits, submitting my hospital records, and other proof. This takes four weeks and I had to pay a payment this morning or admit failure and give up on that elusive doctorate.

Tuesday I was so stressed trying to figure out the money I didn't eat for a day and a half. I got so stressed I made my flu self sicker. I still don't have an appetite. I have three chapters of my dissertation corrections due Friday and I'm so sick I can't write...I'm so stressed.

Thankfully, my husband came through and was able to scrounge up the money I needed to pay for the stupid one credit hour. If I can get the appeal in up to four weeks they'll give me a refund and financial aid will cover it allowing up to have my husband's money back and us to be able to fix the roof.

There is a job I really want to apply for that requires a doctorate. The pay rate is $70,000 a year. For someone who has always scrimped and struggled to get by and grew up below the poverty line it's like winning the lottery to get a job like that. This is why I want that degree so bad. I'm so tired of leaky roofs and broken water pipes and crappy broken cars and just scrimping by. With just a Masters degree I'd be scrimping by. A Masters degree really doesn't mean anything in todays job market. It's basically the new Bachelors degree because the market is so over-saturated with Bachelors degrees so they aren't special. I can't apply for the amazing jobs without without the doctorate. I need that degree. I worked hard for that degree. But these last steps are literally putting me in poor health. I hate college so much. I need to be done for my own good.