A Teacher or A Friend?
Tutoring is a side job I picked up since the year 2011. There was once I did it for some girls in my youth group who were facing their final examination in primary school before entering secondary school. They were thinking they couldn't make it or rather have adapted the "Que sera sera, whatever will be will be" attitude. Every Saturday, I picked them up after their dance class and we had classes in church. Yes, it was my voluntary help for them and knowing they are from poorer families who couldn't afford tuition, it was free lessons for them. After months of classes, they scored relatively not too bad in that exam.
Home tutoring is my source of income as I am now an almost full-time stay at home mom, of which I take 1.5-2 hours everyday to go to respective homes. I often feel inadequate as I tutor my students especially I also struggle to cope with what they are studying now. I do feel incompetent in terms of knowledge and languages too. What if I have nothing to contribute to their academic lives? Also because I'm not professionally trained in teaching, I do face some challenges: whether I'm there to be their older friend or to be as stern as their school teacher? They tend to negotiate with me more, which sometimes I still put my feet down and be strict if some things are to be done to benefit them.
I have altogether 4 students currently, and all of them are locals enrolled into international schools. The longest that I have with me has been with me for four years and the newest one has only been with me for mere six months. I often don't wish to change students or quit because I believe I have built some kind of bond or rather "grew with them". They are lovely children from different family backgrounds, well mostly with parents who have splitted up. I often find myself being empathetic with their circumstances.
Student No. 1
I do communicate quite a bit with their guardians or parents on some of the behavioral changes that they deem difficult, such as when my student faced the reality of her best friends leaving school, she had lost her sense of belonging, resulting her to seem rebellious to her aunt. These are some of the things she told me but she may have find it difficult to tell her aunt. Another more hilarious issue was her aunt was encouraging her to lose weight but she didn't like the idea. That was a great day when we talked about the definition of beauty and inner beauty, which maybe featured on my another post.
Student No. 2 & 3
Image Source: Unsplash
There was one day I remember that I walked into a house SHOCKED. My student was covered with bruises. He looked ashamed too. He didn't want to talk about it. We quickly caught up with his and his sister's homework and then I had a chat with him over the balcony, without the presence of his elder sister (She has learnt the skills of surviving so she often looks very obedient) . He admitted he was caught stealing in school because a peer dared him to and told him he wouldn't get into trouble. When his mom and step-dad found out, he was beaten up and he was too scared to explain. I then was asking if he knew stealing is wrong. He was telling me he didn't know that act was stealing because his friend just told him to take something for him. Hmmmm. I shared with him about choosing good friends and not give in to peer influence. I understand that at his age acceptance is a huge deal to them. After that, he asked me how he could explain to his parents he had repented and he wanted to try to tell the whole incident to them.
"They just won't listen to me or let me explain," I remember him saying this clearly.
I suggested writing a letter and he did. His sister tried to teach him some "survival skills" to not getting beaten or scolded by their parents (which I think is just another coping mechanism due to some fear and may crumble one day). His mom came to me days later and told me about it but she didn't seem too happy about it. She said he blamed his friend for the act. I tried to clarify for him as much but still, his mum thinks he needed a painful lesson for this. I felt I have done all I could in this case as there is a communication breakdown in their relationship.
Student No. 4
This is my newest student, W.
W is the latest addition to my students. He is a smart boy with an entrepreneurial mind. I was supposed to tutor him English but his parents received mails from his teacher that he didn't submit his homework so I ended up tutoring and helping him with school assignments, reminding him as the deadline is due. He takes really good photos and he takes good care of people around him, including me. However, he is a very indecisive guy. He is scared of making decisions like which questions he should do first and he tends to use more time overthink. He likes to share information with me, especially on good eating places Hahaha. I often persuade him to improve his writing skills and since I have been on Steemit, I have told him about it that I too am learning and improving to write better. So, why not he join me in improving our writing skills? He was brilliant to say no, because he had come up with an idea of supplying me with his photos and we split the profit, Hahaha! (Well so far, my photos posted are by me.) I see his entrepreneurial mind behind all these suggestions. Anyway, I'm still persuading him to write more to improve as he has adapted to too many text-speaks(wanna instead of want to, gonna instead of going to, etc) in his writing currently. Above is a photo of W wanting to shelter me with the umbrella as it was raining heavily yesterday. He said he had to wear a pair of his mom's wedges because there was no shoe around, Hahaha! He was just trying to be funny and I'm VERY sure he is a straight guy. When he saw me taking a picture, his entrepreneurial ideas kicked in again and he immediately told me to steem it, LOL. He has given me his consent.
Image Source: UnsplashShould I be a Friend or a Teacher?
Because I'm not their formal teacher, I am often caught in a dilemma of encouraging my students to pursue what they like to do or just stay put in their academics. I think I just have to strike a balance to this. I enjoy times when I don't just input knowledge or cope with their homework as well as exams, the times when we can talk about attitudes towards life such as still enjoying the process of doing the things we don't prefer to do (like writing essays!!!), emotional maturity to still choose over our feelings, admit wrongs and repentance, defining self worth etc. I believe I'm in their lives for a reason, even if I may not help them to excel in their studies to score distinction all the time. On the other hand, we need to work on those academic expectations as well and enjoy learning as gaining knowledge. So I am a teacher and also perhaps a friend who have gone through life a bit more. I'm honoured to be sharing their "secrets" and have their trust too. As much as I'm teaching them, they are teaching and helping me to study more when I have to learn in order to help them in their studies. It helps me not to be stagnant in gaining knowledge and learning. I think my ultimate passion for them is to discover life with them for I'm usually saddened by news of youngsters killing themselves when they find no purposes in life. I am not being noble, it is just something I do along with earning a living. I have also lost it many times: lost temper, lost patience, lost motivation. Deep in me, I respect all the school teachers who educate and go the extra miles for the students. I'm just playing a little role in this field of education, hopefully not to lead them astray 😊
Disclaimer: All students would remain unnamed and the pictures above aren't their real selves (except for the side view of W) as I do not know if I expect to see them on this platform one day. One of them has already been thinking to join to fund himself a new Nintendo! 😜
I am neither a parent or teacher.. but here are my thoughts:
Haha thank you for taking your time to share such an honest and elaborative comment @orangila :)
You are right and it is true what you said about letting them deal with the negative emotions as it is part of their growing up, part of our growing up too.
I do enjoy the dynamics I have in relating with them and hope they can enjoy as much too. Someday, we would part and all this will become a history in our lives.
Yes I have to move on one day, considering it is my livelihood too. Hence my influence in their lives can be just temporary, like those which I have moved on from before this. I have tried to move on from the siblings because I realize I can't contribute much to their studies anymore but their mum still want to keep me, thus I'm still with them till today. She asked to just make sure they do their homework and do some practices at home.
Yeah... you have a very important role to play... a companionship is sometimes what busy parents need. Also, we tend to sometimes get along sometimes who isn't close to us. So I am sure your students do enjoy your company too.
A teacher is always a friend. Continue your advocacy.
Thank you for your encouragement :)
@originalworks
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You are an angel from the sky. Contribute back to the society.
I believe in teacher + friend. At least they have someone to talk to whenever they face any problem. Apart from homework and knowledge, you are also offering them a heart, caring heart. Which I believe this will affect their attitude towards the society in future.
Hahaha I am no way near an angel, cos I can still get angry with them sometimes. Yeah I do want to be a place where they can talk to. I think maybe soon I can't tutor them academically because their syllabus has gotten really difficult. Thank you for your kind compliments @kokuryo :)
👼
it's amazing that you have such a heart to help students. them being able to bond with you is a testament to your effort :)
being an educator myself as well I find myself only being able to connect with certain students. perhaps I only see them 30 minutes a week? I'm not too sure but will definitely pick up a thing or two from you when we hang out :)
Last time my husband taught drums yearsss ago and he too didn't get to bond with his students much, except having some stories to tell or they told him about their stories haha. So I guess maybe it isn't feasible for music teacher. My students always try to talk their way out of studying almost every class, worse when it is during their sem break. They will show me the "I don't wanna see you" face too. Haha. Sometimes, I go easy with them too. There was once we did gardening because they needed a plant for their experiment. Haha. I'm not all the time so patient too, they have seen me when I am all flared up too! Thank you for such encouragements @calebleejl, as you always do :)
alamak! "don't want to see you" face. hahaha! be will definitely want to have a greater impact in my student's lives. if not us then who right?
keep on writing. and really looking forward to hang out with your family. maybe over CNY with the Ps! ;)
Thanks so much and hope to see u too with the P's :)
I see that you've changed the first photo ;) shutter stock no more!
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Being teacher + friend to your student is the most challenging job yet not so highly paid for some. You have taken up most of you being one. And that is a great investment. You have a big heart😍
Yeah I dunno how to differentiate which role I'm in, usually. Sometimes I'm in the "monster" role too when they don't bring back enough info but asked me to help them with their assignments, all they do is respond with a "I don't know". Hehehehe. So not always big heart too Hahahaha. Thank you for your kind words @iamjadeline :)
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Of course I am willing to accept but I am not sure if my article is good enough. Haha thank you very much for reading and thinking to nominate this post @howtostartablog :) I'm flattered and surprised!
Try only, whether it makes it depends on the others..
Haha I am already flattered that you are willing to try with my post @howtostartablog :D I takut one when see the others who can write very well, scared not on par but want to learn too.
Was featured today
Yeah man @howtostartablog!! I was shocked that it can be. This is like a huge encouragement to me in my writing as I haven't been confident to write!!! I was about to message you to thank you actually, for spotting this and curating it too. Now I AM TRULY THRILLED AND FLATTERED! haha. I will continue to give my best to produce quality content! 😀😁😂
So amazed with your big heart, @happycrazycon! :)
Haha thanks @heartscally! Learning from THE teacher! :) Sometimes feel if I budge into their lives too much and jaga tepi kain orang, whether I should just stick to being a teacher only. I shall go with what my heart leads, sometimes.
Oh yes, that's so trueeee! Yes, go by heart and mindful thinking :)
I say be both, a teacher AND a friend. Being a teacher is a calling, as you have the power to shape the minds and the hearts of the leaders of tomorrow. And because they trust you and confide in you, you have the responsibility to sow the seeds of greatness in them no matter what their family circumstances are. To be a teacher is indeed an honour and a priviledge
Thank you for your time to drop a reply to my post @karinzdailygrind :) I also think since I'm given this privilege, I must use my influence as much as I can.
Yes indeed. Wish you all the best and do share your breakthroughs with these kids on Steemit :)