Let's discuss sexual abuse with our kids

Sexual abuse

It is not easy to talk about sexual abuse with a young child, yet it is important to do so in order to protect her, without giving her the impression that everyone is dangerous. Likewise, a child who has been informed about the risks of sexual abuse could be more confident if he or she is a victim.

To prevent sexual abuse, it is important to discuss this risk with your child. Give him or her a clear information and, once done, do not talk about it all the time. If you dramatize too much, it could encourage your child to shut up if he is in trouble to avoid upsetting you. He could also develop such a fear that he no longer trust anyone.

Be aware, however, that most sexual abuse is done by people the children know. Even if you caution your child, the responsibility for preventing sexual abuse is first and foremost yours.

If you yourself have been sexually abused as a child, you may be uncomfortable talking about the risk of abuse with your child or may be frightened that it may be arrive. In this case, do not hesitate to consult a professional specialized in sexual abuse, such as a sexologist or a psychologist.

You can also contact the Sexual Assault and Assault Center.

Discuss the risks of sexual abuse with your child

Here are some questions that will help you start a discussion about the risks of sexual abuse.
What would you do if ...

• you lost us in a crowd?

• the neighbor was picking you up at the daycare without dad or mom informing you?

• someone you know well was proposing to take you to the park without our permission?

• someone you love wanted to have a secret with you and asked you not to tell me?

• did your swim instructor often touch your body by teaching you to swim?.

• a "friendly" adult asked you in the street to help him find his cat?

• an older child asked you to touch him?

• an adult wanted to take pictures of you naked?

• an adult wanted to show you pictures of naked people?

Questions gotten from previous post

The behavior of an adult worries me

Your child may be in contact with someone (eg, family member, caregiver, neighbor, monitor) who makes you feel uncomfortable with how they touch your toddler. Whoever you are, trust your intuition and try to find out what it really is, instead of telling you that you are wrong and avoiding the situation.

Talk to your child to find out if he / she feels uncomfortable with the person you suspect. Speak calmly, without charge or suggestions, as you are just trying to get information right now.

If you have not done so, tell your child which physical contacts are appropriate and which ones are not. Explain that no one has the right to touch their body in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable or frightening.

Tell her to informyou if he ever experiences inappropriate physical contact. Make sure you do not get angry. All you want is for him to feel good and safe.

What if a child tells me he is being abused?
Children are often afraid to talk about the abuse they experience. The abuser may have made them promise to keep the secret, to have threatened or manipulated them. They may also be ashamed of what happened to them, feel guilty or fear that no one will believe them.

If a child tells you he or she has been abused in the past, it is because he feels safe with you and he trusts you. When a child speaks frankly about abuse, it shows he knows it is wrong and wants you help to stop it.

How to react

Make him or her understand that you listen to him carefully and that you take his words seriously. Tell him, "Speak to me! Rather than "Are you sure? So that he does not think you do not believe him.

Let him tell you in his words what happened, without putting words in his mouth or suggesting what could have happened.
Tell him that you support him and that he has done well to turn to you.

Keep calm, even if you are shocked or horrified by the revelations. If you become angry or show that you are upset and upset, the child may feel guilty for having troubled you and then carrying the weight of your own pain.

Reassure him that it's not his fault. Children are vulnerable, and we can never expect them to protect themselves.
If the child asks you to remain silent, tell him that you understand that he is afraid, but that you are there to help him.

Explain to him that what he told you is too important for you to remain silent and that, in fact, it is silence that allows the person who assaults him to continue his actions and that they must stop.

Report abuse to the police or the office,your identity will remain confidential. Remember that the child has confided in you because he is counting on your help

What the law says
Youth Protection Act requires anyone to report if they believe a child has been sexually abused.

When to worry?
The following behaviors are not common in a young child and deserve special attention. Some of them can be a sign of sexual abuse.

The child touches his genitals so often that he neglects other activities.

He continues to touch his genitals in public even though he has been told repeatedly to stop.

He continues to say dirty words (or words with a sexual connotation) even though he has been told several times to stop, if he was told why it was wrong and if he was taught appropriate words.

Behaviors more likely to be a sign of sexual abuse

• He forces the other children to undress.

• He caresses the genitals of other children.

• He knows too much about sex for his age. For example, he is aware of oral sex and sexual positions.

• It simulates sexual intercourse or other adult sexual behavior.

• He uses threat, blackmail or coercion in his "sexual games" with other children.

• He has sexualized behaviors towards teenagers or adults.

• He introduces objects into his vagina or rectum or into those of other children.

• He asks to look at sexually explicit images.
  Are you worried?

• If your child's sexual behavior worries you, talk to your doctor.