What kind of mark do you leave?

Today, I came across a Chinese proverb that spoke to me. Maybe it's because I just saw it at the right time and because it has relevance to my own life at the moment, but I couldn't keep it to myself.

"A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark"
Author: Chinese Proverb
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It's as clear to me as a polished window!

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A window that is between my child and me. One which I can see clearly through to the other side, but one I can't cross.

I'm not sure if I should feel happy or sad about it. It makes me proud and happy to know that some people in our lives leave beautiful marks on the "piece of paper" of our children. They boost them, give them courage, love and support. Like an aunt or an uncle, a grandparent, a teacher or a friend - one that a child loves and adores because they bring only good into their lives. Marks that should be framed or even marks that can be made bigger and better. On the other hand, I get angry thinking about the ones who doesn't. Those who cause 'ugly' marks in our children's lives.

As a parent, you know who is good or bad for them, but because you are on the other side of the glass, you can't wipe it on their side. You would love to erase a mark that caused sadness but because you can't physically erase the pain, all you have are your words. You and your child can communicate through the window, but there is nothing more than words to help him/her with. If a child's feelings get damaged, it is impossible to erase but because they are resilient, words can make it better.

This reminds me of myself and I want to use this as an example:

When I was in Grade 2, I had a teacher with short red hair and a birthmark on her forehead. Everyone was scared of her because she didn't take any nonsense, but up until that day, the two of us didn't have any problems. This particular day was one where we celebrated Valentine's day and as it had no meaning to a Grade 2 child, for me it was only about the casual clothes we could wear to school instead of our uniforms. We had to wear something with red in it and all the teachers were also dressed in red...except for Mrs. Red Hair Birthmark Forehead. No, she wore black! She entered the classroom and as per the rule, we all stood behind our chairs until she greeted us and afterwards, we were allowed to sit down. There were lots of other rules, including that if you wanted to say something, you had to put your hand up and then if she gives you the finger, you should stand up and speak to her, no sitting. So we were all seated. I wasn't one to ask questions but I had to use the restroom. I put my hand up in a very shy manner, waiting for her to notice me. Normally, she would say something like, "Yes my dear, you may speak", but not that day! When she saw my hand, she snapped at me with "What is it?". As I stood up from my chair, I didn't have the courage to ask to go to the toilet anymore as I was afraid that she might shout again, so out of the blue I said: "Happy Valentines day, mam!" NOT A GOOD IDEA!!! She threw the most terrible tantrum I have ever seen and told me that Valentines day has got nothing to do with me. I started to cry and then by accident, wet myself in the process. I couldn't wait to go home and I was too scared the next day to return to school. My mother felt very sorry for me and I felt better after she comforted me with kind words, but nothing could ever take that scar away from me. Up until now, I don't like to be the spotlight, I don't like to ask questions in front of others, and I don't like Valentines day at all.

Each person experiences life differently. Sometimes, it's true that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and that's wonderful. A mark made on one person's paper could mean no harm but the same word on another person's paper could be lethal.

As a teacher, think about the 'marks' that you leave on children. Which type of mark do you leave? Have you ever scarred a child without thinking it through?

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