What do I do if I am in an argument with somebody? - Information for kids

At one or other time we all get in a fight or argument with somebody.  It can be with a family member or a friend and it can be about something small or something big.

We call this a "conflict".

We do not always agree or like what other people do and we will sometimes tell them that and this can result in a conflict.  

You can experience conflict at home and at school and it is a normal part of out daily lives.

Sometimes the conflict becomes a bit hectic and will end up in screaming and shouting and sometimes even violence like hitting.

Conflict must not lead to violence.  

Even if you feel angry or upset, you need to try and stay calm.  Turning to violence and hurting somebody because you are unhappy is not going to solve any problems.

The best thing to do is to try and avoid conflict situations, but sometimes we do need to stand up for ourselves, but that does not mean you need to get nasty.  The best way to deal with conflict is to 

1. STOP
2. SPEAK CALMLY ABOUT WHAT IS TROUBLING YOU
3. LISTEN TO WHAT THE OTHER PERSON HAS TO SAY
4. THINK ABOUT IT 
5. AND THEN SOLVE THE PROBLEM and make up with the person you were fighting with.

Sometimes it will happen that one of you will need to apologize for your actions and what you did or said that hurt the other person.  

When we listen to other people and give them a chance to say what bothers them or why they are upset, we will realize that we were wrong - anybody can be wrong.  

You just need to be open to admit it and not just think that you are the only one that is right.

• Listen to the very cute story about saying "Sorry"

Conflicts situations can happen at home between parents and kids or grandparents and kids and brothers and sisters and also at your school and with other people living around you in your community.

If there are any disagreements in your house, you must learn how to handle it in a positive way.  Hitting and screaming and shouting is not the right solution, but talking about it and understanding everybody's ideas will create a happier situation in the house.

• Read the following story - this will give you an idea of a conflict situation that could have been resolved differently if everybody just listened to one another.

Priyasha yelled "I saw the orange first", she grabbed it and ran away with the orange tucked under her shirt.

                                                              

image source

"Bring it back, I need it more than you", shouted her sister Rohini.  She ran towards Priyasha and tried grabbing the orange from her.

Their mother heard the fighting but she was so sick and tired that she decided she will just cut the orange in half - she did not even stop and listen to what the girls had to say.

She cut the orange in half, gave it to them and said "Problem solved."

Priya peeled her half and threw th peels away and Ronhini peeled her half, threw the soft inside away and grated the peel to use in a cake.

• How could this conflict have been resolved better if they just stopped and listened to each other?

You can also get in a conflict situation with your friends.  This can make us very unhappy, because we do not want to fight with our friends.

But remember, all conflicts can be resolved if we just stop, listen and think before we start kicking and screaming.

It is fine to get into a conflict with somebody, we will never be able to just always be happy and agree with somebody the whole time, BUT the secret is in WHAT you do if you are in a conflict situation.

So be a "resolver of conflicts" and think before you act...

• For enrichment - read the extra information on the link http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=287&id=1521

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