My parents are getting a divorce - What now?? - Information for kids

Sometimes things just do not work out and parents decide to live apart from one another - they will either separate or they will get a divorce.  This can be a very stressful and sad time for you, especially if your parents do not get along any more and fight a lot.

You can feel sad and left out and confused, because you do not want to pick sides. 

                                     

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The most important thing that you need to remember (even if it will not always feel that way) is that it is NOT your fault your parents are getting a divorce.  

It is something that they cannot work out, or something happened which made them decide that they do not want to stay married any more.

It is not your problem to solve, but one thing you can do if you feel you are caught in the middle and they are not getting along, is talk to them about it.  Yes, you are still a child, but that does not mean you cannot tell your parents in a nice way that it is making you unhappy when they fight and that you love them both and do not want to choose sides.

If they are getting a divorce (which you will have to accept) it does not mean that they cannot get along, even if it is just for your sake.  

Sometimes parents just need a reminder of this and if you talk to them and tell them how it makes you feel, they will realize that they need to keep you out of their problems and NOT make it yours, because it is not your fault they are getting a divorce.

Sometimes it hurts kids' feelings when one parent wants to leave the house where they live. It is hard not to take it personally. It's important to remember that divorce happens between the husband and wife, and even though it affects the whole family, it doesn't mean that a parent who leaves the house doesn't care about the kids. 

It is very important to remember that both your parents love you and they would still like to be part of your life - there are unfortunately cases where the one parent does not allow the child to see the other parent.  Many times there is a good reason for it, but if you feel unhappy with this arrangement, try and talk to them and let them understand that you would like to make up your own mind if you want to see both of them.  

If the divorce was because one of the parents was abusive towards the rest of the family, you would want to stay away from that parent.  

Most of the time you would not want your parent to get a divorce, but think about it...  Is it not better to have 2 happy homes than living in a house where there is constant fighting.  Some parents try and stay together for the kid's sake, but they are not happy and that is not fair towards your parents.

It does not mean if your parents get divorced, you will be loved less.  It will just mean there will be a few changes, like you will not see them both every day any more, or you will have to go to another house some times, but if this makes your parents more happy, then it is worth it to try and adapt.

 It's important to remember that divorce doesn't change one important fact: A dad or mom who lives somewhere else is still your dad or mom. That's forever. That will never change. 

Besides from remembering the most important point of THAT YOU DID NOT CAUSE THE DIVORCE, you also need to understand that you cannot fix it.  Even if you are trying to be very good and not cause problems or telling your parents they must not get a divorce, it is something they need to decide on.  You cannot fix it for them

You must be a child and make sure that you are happy and do your school work, enjoy time with your friends and family and have some fun.... not try and fix your parents' problems.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your parents is to try and understand why they are doing what they do, not to make it more difficult for them.

There will be days that you feel confused and sad about the divorce.  Do not keep your feelings 'bottled up'.  Talk to a teacher or  your parents.

Getting in trouble so your mom and dad will have to get together to talk about these problems is not going to make the divorce go away either. So, just be yourself and try to talk through the feelings you have with a parent, another family member, friend, or teacher.

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