Photo by Alex Ivashenko on Unsplash

Loneliness kills.

It kills the joy and gratitude in our hearts. It shatters the dreams and visions in our souls. It overrules the thoughts and judgment in our minds. I am sure that each of us has seen someone that is experiencing loneliness. In fact, sometimes we do feel lonely. As inevitable as it feels and sounds to us, prolonged loneliness leads to deep sadness or depression.

There are tonnes of websites, videos, inspirational talks, helplines and small life groups that can assist us adults in dealing with loneliness. I, for one, have experienced it before but thanks to my supportive family and friends, and God's faithfulness, I now know how to deal with it. It is just part of being human, ain't it?

My faith was put to test when I first welcomed Gillian (not a real name) into my class four years ago. She showed uncommon responses and reactions towards her friends. She could not maintain any eye-contact for more than 10 seconds. She hated any group work activities and started showing temper tantrums. She enjoyed sitting at one corner in the class eating her snacks rather than socializing with her friends at the school's cafeteria. To be honest, I was really terrified. Really, really, terrified. I wondered if I can handle a seemingly unique student, like her. At the end of the school day, I was then approached by her mom and she gently discussed with me about her unique character.

...Gillian has a learning concern. Asperger's syndrome.

I was lost for words, but I assuredly told her mom, on that first day of school for Gillian, that I can help Gillian to improve, and I am ready to partner with her in the coming months. I remembered driving back home, and cried so hard in the car because I was so upset at myself for making a daring promise without even knowing anything about the learning concern - giving hope for the family about their child's learning development that might not just be achievable, or so I thought.

It took me hours of researching on the Internet and reading books about it just so that I was a little more prepared for the entire academic year with her. For months, I tried, and I failed. I was not even sure if Gillian really liked me as her teacher. Gillian's friends were feeling quite uncomfortable in the beginning, leaving Gillian all lonely at school. No one wanted to play with her. I felt really uneasy for those months to the point that I felt that I was the one experiencing loneliness. But, one thing for sure, I didn't want to spend my entire academic year feeling that way. There must be something that I can do, no matter how tiny it was.

Fast forward to the recent years. I was with her all along, throughout her journey in the school. I was with her for a total of four years (two years as a classroom teacher). After many rounds of reminders, routines, temper tantrums, naggings and all sorts of emotional roller-coasters, she has never stopped talking about me at home. Can you believe it?! Although she is still struggling to make friends, her friends and teachers are now more compassionate and understanding towards her.

Those days, she will be rewarded with some laptop time whenever she completes her work with her best efforts. She loves the 'clicking' sound.

She made a model of the Petronas Twin Towers on her own with little supervision from me. She bragged about it the whole day. Meh.

I have always told her that I am from the rainbow and I have some special rainbow powers. She baked this rainbow cookie for my birthday.

Gillian has some exceptional art skills, and her sole ambition is to be an animator some day. She also enjoys baking and has baked cupcakes for small events.

A doodling book as a Christmas gift for her.

Gillian is such a precious child. I remember her more than any of the students that I have taught. She was my teacher for those four years. Truly worthwhile experiences and memories. Because of her, I am changed.

Thank you for reading my post! Just another snippet into my life as a teacher. :)

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