The day I pay for sex

I love flirting. It is not about it leading to sex, it is the exploration of a mind and during which, a massive amount of information can be transmitted between two people. Once upon a time, I was even pretty good at it. For me, this exchanging of personalities is vital for the health of a future relationship as in these moments, if paying attention, one can see relatively accurately into the future. With a little skill on both sides, a strong foundation can be built.

When I was about 17, I said to a friend that the day I have to pay for sex is the day I stop having sex. A naive teenager perhaps but at almost 40, I still feel this way. This is my view and is not a judgement on others who buy or sell, or for any social cause. It is purely selfish.

For me as a person who enjoys flirting as the gateway to a relationship, paying a woman to flirt defeats the purpose, as the exchange is now biased. She would no longer be on an equal footing which means I couldn't get to know her for who she chooses to present in the way she chooses to present herself. Instead, I get to know her from a subservient position which is something other than flirting and the chances of any healthy long-term relationship forming is very low.

Not that every relationship needs a long-term view but for me, I have to feel a connection before engaging as for me, sex has never been just sex. In those moments, whether the person will be there a night or a lifetime, they are the most important person in the world to me. If I must pay them to be there, this is unlikely to be the case as they cease to be a person and become a product instead. They are no longer a sacred life, they are a disposable commodity.

From my perspective, I don't see this concept changing in me as it is a view I hold across most of my life. My personal philosophy is that if I don't have the resources or the skills to acquire them, I will go without, even if this means I never have a real chance again. Perhaps it is just romantic sentiment but, there is beauty in the struggle, value in the hustle. Investing into uncertainty, battling flaws to develop skills and processes and making the space for chance to play its part is both scary and glorious. Even in defeat.

What is so valuable in the game of attraction is the propensity to lose. Failure is inevitable and drives my development for the next attempt, a continual improvement paradigm. Paying for a sure thing guarantees 'success' but, does not inspire and motivate self-improvement.

Without improvements, this means to get any results, one is likely to always need to pay and if the capacity to do so is removed, success is now untenable. And without possessing the improvement process, one no longer has access to the pool of possibility. If you need to pay, you are a slave to the price, something you do not control.

Once the need is there, the seller can keep driving their value up while offering less and less in return and with limited capacity, limitations are enforced. With no real relationship developed, highest bidder takes precedence, further driving value to the seller through the head-to-head competition of buyers. Those with the means will always win and the tail end will continually be pushed out of the market regardless of their skill.

But, there is another risk also as the rules of the game can change at anytime which means the services hired may disappear over night through regulation. This means that a person who has enjoyed the purchasing of service and has likely come to rely on their provision, must now find their own way or, seek to obtain a similar service from an illegal marketplace.

But even if regulation supports the practice, scarcity itself will drive the prices up as the higher the demand, the higher the price as with limited sellers on the market, their ability to service all becomes impossible. This means that more sellers can enter into the marketplace but, the quality of the seller and the service they offer is likely to degrade sharply even though prices remain high.

This means that soon, there are all kinds of quality problems that come to the fore and those that do offer a good service and have built the resources behind them through continual selling will band together to regulate to better their own position. With accumulated influence, they can push out smaller competitors and create an environment where their market is a monopolised economy where only those able and willing to pay can get serviced.

This creates a ruling class elite of service providers that are now providing a service that previously everyone was able to access at some level if they invested themselves. So to stay in the system as a customer means to defer one's independent position to a centralised authority who offered guaranteed security for a price until, the reliance on the service meant what was a cost price, become a compulsory tax.

At this point, all independence is lost as to continue within requires conforming to the rules of the service providers, governments and corporations who's sole interest is maintaining control over the masses. They do this by keeping customers in a continual debt cycle they are unable to break free from as to do so means to lose what little support they have been provided.

But, this once free pool of possibility that was available to all is now surrounded by high fences and guarded heavily. Those that want access must buy access but, their purchase price does not go back into the pool, it gets siphoned out of the system by the gate keepers. When the customer has received their product, they save some portion to use the next time at the pool which will again, have some cut off the top and moved outside.

This means the pool itself is becoming smaller and smaller and more and more exclusive over time which of course drives prices up again and shrinks the user base able to buy a pass. This all works in favour of those selling access, the middlemen, who can continually skim from the top some gains without ever putting their body into the pool. Resource Pimps.

For me, I am more of a free market operator where I am able to develop my skillset to provide my services and, some may like what I offer and be willing to stay and talk a little longer and build a relationship. I don't want them to only want to build the relationship with me because I offer them a financial incentive to do so.

The organic nature and noise of flirting means I can better partner with people who are aligned with my own requirements, and I theirs. It also means that the failures I learn from are mine, as are the successes. It is the effort, learning, developing and earning of my position in the relationship, not the purchase of it.

It is the risk, the chase, the feeling that I have earned my position by her side that brings enjoyment and the willingness to keep me investing. For me, the flirt starts the relationship but it is the continued investment into my own development and the development of the relationships that makes it a love story.

As they say, 'you can't buy love' so I can never see myself paying for sex as I love flirting too much. I also love my wife. Flirting with her took time, patience, effort, failures and eventually shared trust. To me, she is perfect and she is gorgeous in so many ways. Would I think the same if I paid her to be here or would she be disposable too when someone offered a better price?

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]

Take from this what you will but it was interesting for me to think about and write down. What I love about writing at Steemit is the potential for exploration of my own mind. What I love reading from Steemit is others exploration of their own journey through life. It is like being on a hundred dates, flirting with a hundred different people. If everyone is paying for sex, there is no one left to flirt with as the platform becomes a scheme. Give me 100, and I will give you 150 back but the next buy in for 150 will cost you 110 due to demand on the service. Why write a post at all?