My meeting with Janet Yellen WTF??

Part 1

Huh?

I'd finally arrived to Washington - from Judea, on the camel Nebuchadnezzar had sent me off on.

I parked my Camel at Dulles International Airport and was accosted by black-suited sunglasses-sporting thugs.

"Are you @positive?" one grunted, with one hand sliding into his jacket's inner pocket.

"Uh-sure" I shrugged.

Thing 2's forehead furrowed at my nonchalance.

"Who sent you?" he queried.

"King Nebuchadnezzar of Ju-"

I was swiftly picked up, head covered with a moist sandbag, and tossed inside the 4X4 they had come out of.

'What's that smell?' I wondered - head in moist sandbag - It makes me feel drowwwsssyyyy...

I woke up in a secret office at the FED with Janet Yellen.

"Hello, young man" Janet greeted.

"What'up!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, the youngsters of today. No manners" she lamented.

"Anyways, I believe we have more pressing concerns. Do you know why you're here?"

"To bring down crypto with the force of Trolling?" I asked.

"Precisely. These state-hating maniacs are armed to their teeth. Otherwise I'd have called Bernanke to bag 'n tag 'em! The most efficient approach, we, the FED, believe, is to infect their community with FUD."

I considered her response, and giggled at the thought FED-FUD (hihi!).

"Alright. But there are some things I need." I said, firmly.

"Let me get my pad and pen" Janet obliged.

"I need a 4K enabled laptop with Ubuntu 16.04 pre-installed - I resent VMs and I hate fiddling about with ISOs" I listed.

"Ubuntu...4K...no Oracle VM...no Dual Boot...Got it! Anything else?"

"I need an ergonomic keyboard - 24/7 keyboard trolling imposes such a burden on the fingers!

And an SSD drive to store all my gifs."

"Ergonomic...no HDD...gifs. Right, got it! I imagine that'll be all" she wondered.

"Yeah, that's cool."

"The men who picked you up at the airport - James and John - will be your formal escorts. They'll take you out to lunch, accompany you to the cinema...Hell! They'll even make you a Banana Sundae! But more importantly, they'll monitor your trolling and report back to the FED Headquarters. Is everything clear?"

James and John? I imagine these are pseudonyms.

I'd thought Thing 2 to be a George, or perhaps a Harold.

"Yeah, everything's clear." I confirmed.

"You start tomorrow at 7AM, work your way up from Reddit to Bitcointalk. And then, and only then, to Steemit."