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Hello steemians, there is a piece i would love to share concerning our COMFORT ZONE
Firstly, what is a COMFORT ZONE?
I want us to understand that your comfort zone is a behavioral space where your activities and behaviors fit a routine and pattern that minimizes stress and risk. It provides a state of mental security. You benefit in obvious ways: regular happiness, low anxiety, and reduced stress
We all tend to carry our comfort zones both physically and emotionally. It’s therefore sometimes physical objects that constrict us, while at other times it’s our emotional limitations — stemming from limiting beliefs and perspectives — that constrict us.
Have you ever known people who find comfort and security in physical objects? For instance, a stuffed childhood toy or blanket can have a great deal of significance and meaning. It might have been something that the person turned to for safety as a child. And now today that stuffed animal provides that same safety and security it did so many years ago. This is an example of how we tend to carry our comfort zones with us physically. However, we also tend to carry them emotionally.
To carry a comfort zone emotionally means resisting certain situations that cause some kind of discomfort or fear. This discomfort or fear can often stem from a past experience that wasn’t particularly pleasant. This experience left a lasting impression on your mind, and as a result you are now psychologically hardwired to resist that experience.
Before we get into any more details about how a comfort zone evolves over time, let’s first take a look at an analogy that will help us to better understand the dynamics of a comfort zone.
The Analogy of a Balloon in a Box
Imagine for a moment blowing up a balloon within the confines of a small box. The balloon will certainly expand as you blow air into it, however, it is constricted by the size of the box. It will therefore not expand any further outside the dimensions of the box, even though it has the potential to grow much bigger than the box itself. The box constricts the balloon in the same way that your comfort zone constricts your psyche. Likewise, the box prevents the balloon from reaching its full potential in a similar way that your comfort zone prevents your psyche from reaching its full potential.
In order for the balloon to break-free of the box, you will need to keep forcing more air into it. With more air, there will be more pressure on the inside of the box. Eventually, that pressure will be strong enough that the balloon will break the box apart — freeing itself to grow to its full potential. Alternatively, you could, of course, place the balloon into a bigger box. Here it would have more room to grow and expand. However, it might still outgrow the box, and you will therefore once again have the same problem you had within the smaller box.
As the balloon expands the inside surface area of the box starts putting pressure on this expansion process. The balloon senses this pressure, but of course, it still desires to keep expanding. However to keep expanding within this small box is risky. The box might very well be too solid and stiff. Therefore to keep expanding means to risk bursting. Who knows, there might even be spikes on the inside edges of the box. If these spikes are real then they’ll certainly pop the balloon.
It just seems too risky for the balloon to keep expanding. It, of course, wants to expand and grow bigger. To grow bigger means that it can successfully escape this box and then have the freedom to grow more expansively within a bigger box. However, it all just seems too dangerous. There is just too much risk of popping. And therefore the balloon deflates to a level where it no longer touches the inside surface area of the box. This certainly feels better because there is no more danger of popping accidentally.
This analogy might not provide a comprehensive overview of what a comfort zone is, however it certainly does provide some context for understanding the effect that a comfort zone (the box) has on your psyche (the balloon).
Looking Outside a Comfort Zone
We all carry a comfort zone into every situation. In some situations, this comfort zone will be more expansive, and in other situations, it will be less expansive. Therefore in some situations, it will allow your psyche to expand closer to its full potential, while in other instances it will limit the ability of our psyche to expand past a certain level. What this therefore means is that your ability to do anything in a particular situation doesn’t depend on your potential, it’s rather dependent on your comfort zone. You might, for instance, have more potential than anyone you know, however, you will never live up to that potential if your comfort zone is constricting your psyche within critical situations.
Your comfort zone is, of course, a place where you feel most comfortable and secure. It’s a place where there is a great sense of certainty and predictability. Everything within the confines of this comfort zone is very familiar, and as such things seem easy and effortless to the extent that you don’t ever need to do anything that causes you any kind of discomfort. There’s just nothing new to learn and no new skills to develop. Everything you need to live within the confines of this comfort zone you’ve already mastered. That’s why life within this comfort zone feels so comfortable, warm, secure and cozy. It seems like a perfect little world where you can live out the rest of your days in peace and harmony. But then why are you so miserable?
You are miserable because you understand that your world isn’t really that perfect. Yes, you feel comfortable, secure and familiar with your surroundings, however, what you really want is “out there” beyond the confines of your comfort zone. You want “these things” because you see from afar other people enjoying “these things” every single day of your life. You, therefore, want to make “these things” also a part of your life, however in order to get to “those things,” you will need to leave the confines of your secure world and step into the unknown and unpredictable world that lies just beyond your comfort zone.
Within this outside world, there are a plethora of opportunities and marvelous things that you would love to bring into your world. However, you do have two major hurdles. First of all, you don’t know how to quite get to “those things”, or how to bring them into your world. And because you don’t know, this creates doubt and uncertainty. You worry about making mistakes, you reflect on “what if” scenarios, and you fear the unknown. And this is often enough to prevent you from moving forward.
Alternatively, you might know what to do. In fact, you might know exactly what it takes to bring “those things” into your world, however in order to get “those things”, you need to face certain challenges and potentially overcome specific problems that lie between you and the things you would like to acquire. And this all just seems too hard and arduous.
You, therefore, want “those things” beyond your comfort zone, however, because you will need to go through some roadblocks and challenges along the way, this disheartens you from ever trying. You just feel as though the discomfort you will experience pursuing “these things” will just be too much to bear. You think to yourself that your life is good enough. You might not have everything you really want within your current world, however, you have enough. You have enough to make yourself feel comfortable and secure, and that really is all that matters. Isn’t it?
On the surface, these are the things that really matter, however below the surface you just want so much more in your life. You don’t want to be one of those people who regrets all “those things” that they could have done but failed to try. You don’t want to be one of those people that mull over “what if” scenarios:
What if I did this…?
What if I did that…?
What if I pursued that goal…?
What if I took that risk…?
How would my life be different today if I took those chances?
Stepping outside your comfort zone might very well mean risking getting hurt, risking failure, and risking making mistakes. However, what are you risking staying within the confines of your comfort zone? What are you really risking missing out on if you don’t take a chance on yourself?
The Components of a Comfort Zone
Your comfort zone can be broken down into the following components:
The Habit Zone
The Action Zone
The Discomfort Zone (has many layers)
The Habit Zone is where you spend most of your time. This is the world you are most familiar with. In fact, you have the necessary knowledge, skills, talents, and experience to live very comfortably within this world without great discomfort. You have after all already mastered all the problems that exist within this world. Therefore, whenever things go wrong, you already know what to do and how to respond. Life is therefore easy, effortless and somewhat satisfying.
Over the course of your life, you have developed certain habits, beliefs, psychological rules, etc, that define your life within the Habit Zone. There are for instance certain habits that you indulge in, things that you believe, and certain psychological rules that you live by that allow you to live comfortably within this zone. Now, of course, this is fantastic, however, the things that give you comfort here, are the things that prevent you from moving into the other two zones. This is significant because a certain habit, belief or psychological rule that works well within the Habit Zone is simply not congruent within other zones.
Every zone requires something of you. It, for instance, requires you develop a new set of habits and beliefs. It even requires that you adjust the psychological rules you live by. It also requires that you develop a different set of skills, gain more experience, acquire additional knowledge and resources, and build upon your talents. Each zone also requires you make certain sacrifices. This might mean letting go of certain habits or changing your routine. And all this is necessary in order to synchronize your psyche with these new zones.
The Action Zone is the zone directly bordering your Habit Zone. It is a zone that feels somewhat comfortable, however, stepping into this zone is risky because it means that you might need to tackle some new things that you aren’t too familiar with. Furthermore, there are some unknown problems bordering this zone. These are problems you haven’t successfully dealt with before. And as such, they create some uncertainty in your life. This uncertainty, of course, doesn’t feel comfortable, and this automatically creates resistance within your psyche.
Given all this, you, however, do understand that you must make some tough decisions and take some form of action within this zone. Unfortunately, these are things you just can’t avoid doing. You can’t avoid it because your livelihood depends on the successful completion of these tasks. So even though these things seem somewhat uncomfortable or unfamiliar, you still do them because you have enough reasons to take these actions. As such the Action Zone becomes somewhat of a Necessity Zone where you feel compelled to do certain things in order to support yourself.
The final zone is the Discomfort Zone. This is the zone that lies beyond your Action Zone. This zone isn’t necessarily a part of your comfort zone but rather borders the fringes of your comfort zone. Here you will find all the things that you haven’t as yet mastered. And because you haven’t mastered these things you cannot live within this zone. You can of course look at this zone from afar, however until you have gained the necessary experience, knowledge, and skills that are a hallmark of this zone, you will be unable to stay there for extended periods of time. However, it’s not just about experience, knowledge or skills, it’s primarily about the mindset you are required to cultivate within the confines of this zone.
It’s difficult to spend long periods of time within the Discomfort Zone because you have all these habits, beliefs, perspectives, and psychological rules that are keeping you attached to another zone. And this other zone is like another world. What works well within that world does not very often transition well into another world. And that’s the main reason why you feel uncomfortable when stepping into the Discomfort Zone. This mindset simply isn’t synchronized with the mindset you need to live in this world, and this, therefore, creates resistance on your part. This resistance creates self-sabotage patterns that prevent you from living within the Discomfort Zone for extended periods of time. You sabotage yourself because you subconsciously believe that you don’t belong to that world, and instead crave for the certainty found within a world you feel much more secure and comfortable with.
The Dynamics of a Comfort Zone
The life you desire to have lies beyond the fringes of your comfort zone. It’s beyond these borders that you will find the relevant opportunities, people, and knowledge you need to acquire the things you want in your life. However, in order to get to these things, you will need to overcome some challenges that will make you feel somewhat uncomfortable.
You feel uncomfortable with these challenges because your psyche isn’t yet at a level it needs to be to tackle these challenges with confidence. However, as you find the courage to work through these challenges, your mindset will start to make the necessary shifts. You will, for instance, begin developing new beliefs and habits that allow you to tackle these challenges more successfully. This is important, because over time as you overcome more of these challenges you grow more confident, and as you grow more confident there is more certainty in your actions, and as a result, you start feeling more comfortable. That is when your comfort zone starts to expand into these new areas.
It’s important to remind yourself that your comfort zone only expands when you successfully overcome your discomfort. This discomfort often comes in the form of a fear of some kind, or a resistance to doing something. Once this fear or the resistance has been overcome, that is when the balloon begins to expand beyond the confines of the box. And as the balloon expands, so does your reach. You are now able to reach farther than ever before, and this means that opportunities, people and things that were previously out of your grasp are now within reach — they are now within your expanded comfort zone.
Remember that as you push yourself into the Discomfort Zone, you will confront many unfamiliar problems that you may not have confronted before. These problems are the things standing between your present circumstances and the goals you are wanting to achieve. In fact, every goal you have in mind that lies within the Discomfort Zone has a set of problems attached to it. These problems are very much like a “rite of passage”. They are tests you need to pass in order to deserve to have this goal in your life. For instance, you can’t just expect to be able to jump from the base to the summit of a mountain. You need to climb the mountain, and climbing the mountain can be problematic. You might, for instance, sprain an ankle while walking up the trail. Or you might experience difficult weather conditions as you make your way up the mountain path. These are all tests. They are problems that you must face in order to get to your final destination.
Each of these problems come with lessons that you must learn. You must, for instance, adapt to the changing weather conditions, or you must learn how to look after your ankle to ensure that it doesn’t hinder you along your journey.
These tests force you to think differently, to adopt new beliefs and habits, to overcome fears, and to potentially alter your psychological rules. That is how changes are made, and that is how you must successfully adapt along your journey in order to eventually reach your end destination on the summit of the mountain. However, failing to adapt means that you will most likely sabotage your progress. You might, for instance, fail to adapt to the changing weather conditions, and as a result, you fall ill and therefore can’t proceed further up the mountain. You think to yourself that this is just too hard and arduous while longing for the comfort and security of your mountain cottage which rests on the base of the mountain. And so you give up on your journey, and wilt-away into your comfort zone once again.
Given all this, it’s important to acknowledge that all problems you confront lead to some form of growth and development. These problems come with hidden opportunities that can help you overcome limiting beliefs, fears, and habits. Likewise, these opportunities can come in the form of valuable knowledge and experience. These opportunities could also lead you down paths where you could meet new people that might provide you with assistance to further your journey. However, what if you don’t overcome these problems? Or, what if you neglect your problems altogether?
Your problems will never just disappear. Certainly, they may take on a different form or they might manifest in your life a different way, however they never quite disappear. As such, in order to achieve your goals, you will need to confront and overcome these problems sooner or later. If you fail to do this, then you will just keep repeating the cycle all over again until you learn the lessons you need to learn to achieve the goals you are desiring to have in your life.
The major hurdle with neglecting or failing to overcome your problems is that it creates doubt in your mind. These doubts manifest in the form of fears and limiting beliefs. And therefore whenever you fail to overcome one of your problems this creates another reference that builds upon all your past references — making it even more difficult to overcome your problems the next time around.
The key, therefore, is to never be discouraged by your problems or setbacks. Instead, approach every problem with a curious nature. In fact, view your problems as challenges that you must learn from in order to grow and develop in ways that will allow you to make further progress along your journey. As such, everything you confront along your journey becomes a lesson that you must learn to master in order to deserve to have your goals in the end.
How Your Comfort Zone Constricts
Your comfort zone constricts and expands over the course of your life. At times this happens naturally as you move through different phases of your life, while at other times certain events and circumstances force us to do things or refrain from doing things depending on our perspective of the situation. Now, of course, this perspective can be real or it might be imagined. In fact, we can make certain assumptions about things that shift how we view those things, and that alone is enough to alter our comfort zones.
Within this section, let’s specifically take a look at the reasons why your comfort zone might constrict.
The Six Human Needs
Your comfort zone might constrict as a result of your inability to fulfill all your six human needs. It will also constrict if you are satisfying one need to the detriment of other needs.
The need for certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection, growth, and contribution are all an integral part of your life. In fact, every decision you make and action you take is done subconsciously because of your desire to fulfill one or more of these human needs.
When it comes to your comfort zone, an unfulfilled need might, for instance, mean that you are not learning and growing. This is why you are feeling dissatisfied in your comfort zone. You want to fulfill the need for growth, however, to fulfill this need you need to step into the unknown, and yet your need for certainty is so great at the moment that you just couldn’t ever imagine taking that risk. Your comfort zone, therefore, constricts because you are resisting uncertainty (which is an unfulfilled need). You are overly satisfying the need for certainty, and this becomes a detriment to all your other human needs.
To free yourself from all comfort zone constrictions, you need to ensure that you are satisfying all your human needs as equally as possible at their highest level. Your comfort zone certainly satisfies the need for certainty, however, it certainly doesn’t satisfy the need for growth and uncertainty. Likewise it might not satisfy the need for connection or significance. As such you will continue to be miserable resting within your comfort zone just because it doesn’t fulfill all your human needs.
A life with no comfort zone restrictions is a life where you are freely working on satisfying all your six human needs at the highest possible level. This would therefore mean that you take chances and risks to satisfy the need for uncertainty; that you build a comfortable environment and life to satisfy the need for certainty; that you regularly reach out and create emotional bonds with others to satisfy the need for connection; that you pursue your goals to satisfy the need for significance; that you try new things and learn from mistakes and failure to satisfy the need for growth; and that you consistently dedicate your time to helping others to satisfy the need for contribution. Only in this way will your life be fulfilling, and only in this way will you be free of all comfort zone restrictions.
This is quite an expansive topic that requires some explanation that goes beyond the scope of this article. I would, therefore, recommend having a read of Exploring Your Six Human Needs. This article will provide you with the background information you need to gain a clearer understanding of how the six human needs shape your comfort zone.
Unhelpful Emotions
Whenever you experience any kind of uncomfortable emotion, this immediately suggests your comfort zone is in the process of constricting. You might, for instance, feel anxious about something, or frustrated, or afraid. No matter what the emotion is; if it creates discomfort, then this suggests that you are resisting something. And when you resist something, you are “pushing back” into the confines of your comfort zone.
However, where there is a limiting and unhelpful emotion, there is also an inspiring and helpful emotion that you could choose to experience instead. For instance, instead of feeling anxious you could turn your anxiety into calmness, excitement, and self-assurance. If on the other hand you’re feeling frustrated you could instead choose to feel curious and encouraged. Or, if you’re feeling afraid you could instead choose to feel confident and courageous. These antonyms immediately put you into a different state-of-mind that pushes outwards rather than inwards. As such, instead of constricting your comfort zone, you choose to expand your comfort zone by experiencing these empowering emotions.
For much more information on how to manage your emotions more effectively, please have a read through the Emotional Mastery Series of articles.
Habitual Behavior Patterns
You might have certain habits-of-mind, behaviors, and rituals that you consistently indulge in that prevent you from stepping outside your comfort zone. In fact, many of these behaviors and habits might actually constrict your comfort zone because they build upon the process of avoiding pain in order to gain pleasure. In other words, these habits and behaviors get you caught-up in instant gratification traps. They force you to run away from pain and instead indulge in small yet seemingly insignificant pleasures that push you right back into your comfort zone.
Whenever you feel discomfort, you might, for instance, curl up on your sofa and read a self-help book. This gives you temporary pleasure, however, it constricts your comfort zone because you’re moving backward rather than forwards. You are afraid to face your pain, and instead, choose to read a book that might help you feel better about avoiding this pain. Now, of course reading self-help books is wonderful, however, if that’s all you do whenever you’re faced with an uncomfortable situation, then these self-help books are doing nothing more than feeding your comfort zone.
The same of course can be said about any kind of behavior you tend to indulge that responds to an uncomfortable situation. Ask yourself:
What kind of habits or behaviors do I indulge in when I’m feeling uncomfortable?
Do I have any particular rituals that I indulge in habitually in response to discomfort?
Why do I indulge in these specific habits, rituals, or behaviors?
How are they constricting my comfort zone?
To get a better understanding of how pain and pleasure influence your behavior, please have a read of Understanding the Pain and Pleasure Principle and Avoiding the Instant Gratification Trap.
Your habits and behaviors are however only there because of the thoughts and perspectives you hold onto. Your thoughts and perspectives are therefore the culprits constricting your comfort zone.
Limited Perspectives
The thoughts you have about something affect your perceptions of that thing. These perceptions then lead to certain conclusions and assumptions, which lead to specific kinds of interpretations you make about your life, people, and circumstances. This is all well and good if your thoughts are working for your greater good. However, this is not good news if these thoughts are leading to false conclusions and assumptions that encourage you to indulge in unhelpful behaviors that constrict your comfort zone.
You might, for instance, assume that something is a certain way. And because you assume that things are this way and not another way, you will, therefore, take a certain action that is aligned with the assumption you are making. Now this behavior might, of course, be based on a false assumption, but you will never know that unless you consciously question the assumptions you are making.
Let’s say for example that you falsely assume that the way your boss was looking at you while you were giving your presentation means that they didn’t approve. You assume that they were judging you negatively, and now you’re afraid that you won’t get that promotion you and a few other candidates were offered the other week. As a result, you begin talking to yourself in a very derogatory way — blaming yourself for the mistakes you made during the presentation. You now no longer believe you will get that promotion, and as a result, you avoid confronting your boss at all costs because you’re concerned he will criticize your efforts. Furthermore, this whole process makes you feel uncomfortable, and so in order to alleviate this discomfort you call in sick and don’t show up to work for a couple of days.
In this example, you have wilted away into your comfort zone because of a false assumption. Now, of course, you don’t really know what your boss was thinking at the time of your presentation. Maybe he had a personal problem weighing heavily on his mind, and it, therefore, appeared as though he wasn’t impressed with your efforts. This too is, of course, an assumption, however, it’s an assumption that works in your favor because you no longer have a “need” to avoid your boss at work, and you, therefore, don’t need to take a couple of days off work because you’re feeling uncomfortable. In fact, the days you took off work might actually cost you that promotion. Are you willing to take that chance?
As you can see, the limited thoughts we tend to indulge in and the resulting perspectives we hold onto dramatically affect what we do and how we behave. And it’s this behavior that works either for us or against us. When it works for us it helps expand our comfort zone and our opportunities. However, when it works against us it constricts our comfort zone and denies us access to critical opportunities that might help change our lives for the better. Ask yourself:
What opportunities am I denying myself by wilting away into my comfort zone?
What assumptions could I be making?
What unhelpful thoughts might I be indulging in?
How else could I view this situation?
What’s a more advantageous way to view this situation?
How might viewing things this way be more helpful?
To gain a comprehensive overview of how your thoughts and habitual behaviors influence your life, please read Challenging Your Unhelpful Thoughts and Transforming Your Unhelpful Habits.
Negative Influences
While growing up you had numerous adult and peer influences that shaped how you thought and acted throughout the day. In fact, these family members, friends, colleagues, role models, and authoritative figures helped shape the boundaries of your comfort zone in specific situations. They did this through their actions, words, behaviors, and instructions. In fact, they gave you the insights you needed that showed you how to handle your negative emotions most effectively, how to confront fearful situations, what to do when feeling uncomfortable, when to and when not to take risks, etc. All of these things and many other things were conditioned into your psyche.
Of course over the years, you have successfully overcome some of that early conditioning and therefore freed yourself from the confines of your comfort zone in some situations. However, there are probably other situations where your fears for instance might be getting the better of you. It’s within these situations where the boundaries of your comfort zone remain at the same level as they were many years ago. And this is where your challenge lies.
The behaviors that pull you right back into this comfort zone are working on autopilot because of a lifetime of conditioning. In other words, you do certain things just because you were conditioned to do these things in a particular way. And because these habits and behaviors just come naturally to you, you tend not to resist. You just accept that things are the way they are and as a result, there is no motivation or urgency to change. You are therefore stuck — you are stuck in your old ways and you don’t have the necessary perspective to dig yourself out of this situation.
There is, however, a way out of this conditioning trap. But it will require that you learn more about the Perceptual Influences in your life.
How to Expand Your Comfort Zone
Expanding your comfort zone is a process that takes time and some patience. To transform old habits, thoughts and behaviors is not a straight line with a beginning and an end. It’s more of a climb up a mountain.
When you climb a mountain hardly ever will you consistently climb upwards for the entire journey. Sometimes you need to climb down for a period of time before ascending once again. And this is true of the changes you would like to make to your comfort zone. This journey is not going to be a straight path up the side of the mountain, it’s rather going to be a journey of ups and downs. Sometimes you will make your way along smooth paths, while at other times you will encounter obstacles that you will need to work around. But it really doesn’t matter how your journey unfolds, as long as you maintain your focus and clearly understand the coordinates of your target destination.
coped from >> https://blog.iqmatrix.com/comfort-zone
thanks for reading