"The grass is always Meaner on the other side"

The Grass is Always Meaner on the other Side

It's one of those sultry Bangkok summer nights, you need a knife, hopefullly your knife, to cut through the humidity in the air, my buddy and I are in a tuk-tuk heading towards a night club/Massage Parlor/Gentlemens Club-ha- I had visited the night before, and where I had had a close encounter with one of Bangkok's ladies of the late night, also anytime after say 10 a.m.,whose number I had memorized, number 33 her jersey number , third row up in the bleachers, a professional scout I be. I am hoping to see her again and have my buddy introduced to another hot number as we are hot to trot trot in our tuk -tuk.

However as we are approaching the club I glance over to the other side of the road and low and behold spot some very beautiful girls sitting outside a Karaoke bar, I motion to the tuk tuk driver to change course and head to the other side, my friend asks me why not just go to where you had such a great time the night before? But I know best, we need to check out that other side of the street, Who knows what awaits us, could be better? We soon find out.

The Karaoke babes are thrilled to see us and usher us inside and past the front doorman/bouncer, very huge ugly Thai guy, though one must say, most Thai guys fit into that category, too many kilos or not, anyway he was a commanding presence I am soon to recall, and into a dimly lit room where we are ushered ( sort of shoved) into a booth with a drawn felt good curtain, I see a cocktail bar on the other side of the room that is close to being visible and can see the Mama San of the establishment sitting all by her lonesome-seems we are the only clients in the joint,, hmm-mm I remember thinking,my buddy and I are seated opposite each other and as if by magic we are more than very soon surrounded in the large booth by Karaoke girls without the lip syncing on all of our two sides, a very warm welcome thought I, must be the Buddist all is one mentality which apparently permeates even Karaoke bars.

We order some Thai beer as in twoThai beers please, and before you know it those two Thai beers arrive along with a surprise!just for us! The surprise is what I assume is a complimentary, yet very generous extremely large shrimp cocktail plate placed in the center of the table, and then once again as if by magic a surprise bottle of champagne arrives with glasses for our new best girlfriends surrounding us in the booth , which by now is feeling San Quentin Island like, hence I motion for the Mama San sitting at the cocktail bar to come to the table and politely tell her we have only ordered two beers, nothing else, she nods and smiles and says and gestures emphatically waving her two arms, that there is basically no problem, no problem, which I being quick witted took to mean Big problem- Big Problem. Turns out I was spot on.

I look at my buddy across the table and say perhaps we should go sit at the bar, this booth seems to be getting crowded. I have slid and sometimes slided( a word I think) out of many booths before, But not this time, the girls apparently like us just exactly where we , as in stay put Farang( foreigner) they physically block our exit from the booth, small Thai girls, Big Farangs? No match, they win, even if they lose, so now I can feel the really Big Problem coming, but, or however we finally with difficulty free ourselves from the ladies death grips , stand up and I approach the Mama San and ask for our bill for the two beers as we have decided we are too no longer into being in a Karaoke bar, no problem-no problem say she, as she hands me a bill for the beers, the shrimp and the champagne, which we had not ordered and had no intention of paying for, unfortunately the Mama San, and the six or was that seven? Thai bar girls beg to differ as to my payment poise, actually no begging was involved, they differed and we were the difference, as did the bouncer whom I notice has just locked the front door and is blocking it with his large Thai kick boxer mentality and body. Problem- Problem! Seemed to me-quick witted am I.

At that same moment the Mama San has lost her patience, which personally I never gave her credit for, (she seemed the antithesis of patient I remember thinking) with me for refusing to pay her idea of what was due, so? She takes off thank god ( Buddha ok?) only one of her six inch stiletto Come f me shoes and starts swinging it towards me bald is beautiful head , and at the same time grabs my shirt and rips it open with her other hand, not sure if she led with her left or her right, but it was a one two kick boxing punch, I can still hear the pop pop pop of those buttons being torn from my shirt in my nightmares, It is at this moment that I realized that things are not always better on the other side --- luckily in my suit jacket breast pocket I happen to have quite a few Thai Baht bills, which I take and throw and scatter all over the room, at that all the Thai gals start diving for the bills on the floor, in the air, here there and everywhere, like chickens at feeding time, no exaggeration I am sorry to say, which buys time for my large buddy and I to do a fullback rush for the bouncer at the front door, we knock him aside, jump into our idling and waiting tuk tuk, and decide, maybe we are better off on the other original side I started on, laughing all the way.

Funny now, but a very close call, you have never seen anger or experienced real late nite fear until you are confronted with both in the company of Thai bar girl's and a Mama San who feels they have not received correct compensation for their valuable time.

That famous gentle Thai Buddhism mentality gets tossed to the capitalistic summer sultry Thai wind---