FIshy Goings On - The Dating Website Plenty Of Fish - Sexy Messages? You Couldn't Make This Up!

So, I met a wonderful man on Plenty of Fish dating website and when the relationship ended, I decided to go back onto the site out of sheer, unadulterated temper tantrum at him finishing with me. Oh Boy! What a mistake.

First of all, I am nowhere ready for another relationship but I was lonely and bored. so I thought I would have a look around the site to see if Sean Connery was on there.

Here are some examples of the very first messages I received:

MARLYBOB: Hi Maria, how are you today? Your profile is stunning.
ME: Very well thank you and thank you for the compliment.
MARLYBOB: Are you a sexy lady? I only ask because my ex wouldn't give blow jobs and I wonder if you do and do you spit or swallow?

I didn't bother answering, I just blocked him and moved onto the next message.

JAMMYJAM: Hello Maria, you're beautiful x
ME: Thank you for saying so. You're most kind.
JAMMYJAM: I see that you are only 4' 11''. I like a small woman.
ME: Yes, all good things come in small packages
JAMMYJAM: Well I'm only 4'3" Does that bother you?

I thought about his question and decided that if I had gone down on my knees to give him a blow job, I would end up sucking his nose. JammyJam was blocked.

The next one did chat a bit before he got into the sexual stuff.
MRFOX: How do you feel about cross dressing?
ME: I've never tried dressing as a man to be honest.
MRFOX: No. Men cross dressing.
ME: lol Well I'm not too keen and seeing one of my dresses walking down the road without me in it.
MRFOX: No, I have my own dresses.

MrFox was dispatched to my blocked list immediately.

The next guy was quite sweet and kind and we chatted for about three evenings. He loved art and music and I thought, maybe he can be a companion. No chance of me sleeping with him because I didn't fancy any of them that had messaged me. But maybe we could be friends... until his next messages came in....

TALLYHO: So you've been married for a long time? You must have quite a lot of intimate knowledge if you get my meaning.
ME: Ummm, not really, no.
TALLYHO: Oh I'll have to teach you. I have a range of kinky fantasies
ME: I thought I had made it clear that I just wanted to date and nothing else.
TALLYHO: You'll want to do more than date when I tell you what I would like to do to you. Will you let me tell you?
ME: (More curious than anything) Oh go on then, tell me
TALLYHO: Well imagine a long pipe and a glycerine and chocolate mix.
ME: Sounds like a cooking recipe lol
TALLY: I push is into your....

I'll stop there because if anyone is of a nervous disposition, they may have just fainted. I blocked him.

The next one was a really quick and to the point one.

BIKERGUY: Hi maria would you get you tits out and be photographed on my bike?
ME: Not in your wildest dreams! It's too bloody cold in Wales for that malarkey!
BIKERGUY: I've got a heater in my garage
ME: Wow! You really know how to tempt a girl, don;t you?
BIKERGUY: So you'll do it?
ME: No

Like a bat out of hell, he was onto my blocked list.

Needless to say, I will be removing myself from this damned site. I think that my first experience was just a fluke at meeting someone who was my soul mate. Now that I've met him, I'm not to going to meet another one.

Be warned Ladies, this is the reality of online dating.